Am I not the kindest blogger?

You see, even though I fulfilled my pledge of composting all my fresh veg waste this week, (in fact I’ve decided to keep it up even though I don’t have a composter right now,) I still did this…as requested by several of you.  

It could have been worse right?

I added a bit of saturation to try to show the true glory or Miss M’s, erm, masterpiece.  The red on my neck and my cheeks is a lovely metallic orange colour in real life.  I don’t wear that shade much, honest.  

Unfortunately I was unable to capture the large blue line on my cleavage as the world is just not ready for that, but nevertheless I think I got off quite lightly really.

Would I go out looking like this though??  

Oh my Bob no.

In fact when my Mum came to pick up Miss E to take her to her first performance of Rydell High aka Grease, (they had to rewrite and rename it to prevent the priest from keeling over as it’s a Catholic school), I hid behind the door and told her to ‘break her legs’ instead of smothering her in hugs and kisses like I normally would.

As for the rest of my mad day, so far I have cleared 2 sheds, wrestled scary spiders, loaded my car up with all the shelving and pictures I’d left when I moved out, visited solicitors, put in a complaint to the solicitors, done a weeks shopping, picked up Miss M from nursery, Miss E from school and given Rosie and IJ a lift home, then after cooking a lovely and nutritious meal for my two perfect children I did Miss E some satge make up so doesn’t look all ghostly in the spotlights, straightened her hair, then sat back while Miss M went to town on my face with my Virgin Vie make up palette. 

All I have left to do now is put Miss M to bed, do some washing, maybe have a soak in the bath and then sleep the sleep of the kn*ckered, only to rise early, drop the girls off at their respective educational institutions, pick up the lovely Ju, and head off to my old house to help Mr B and his mate Napoleon Fantastic move him out.  

Friday night?  

I’m having wine ok?

GOOD - My house sale goes through on Friday

BAD -  Due to the evil solicitors who realised they had made an even bigger error today, I have toclear out two sheds and help Mr B move out on Friday, when I should be relaxing and cooking a family meal for my Auntie Frieda and cousin Harriet who are arriving from  Plymouth and Doha respectively.

GOOD - I got my new google phone today.

BAD - No one seems to be able to phone me on it.  I might be able to receive calls in the morning, otherwise I have to phone them and say “arghhhhhhhhhh.”

GOOD - My fabulous mate Ju has arrived from NZ and is here for the next 2 weeks.

BAD - I have such a mad weekend what with house moving, Miss E being in 4 school shows, visiting relatives and a ton of jobs, that I’m not even sure if I will get to see her before Monday. That is just WRONG as I haven’t seen her for about 2 years.

GOOD  - Meeting some fab blogging friends at Drayton Manor Park on Sunday, driving there in my new car, with Rosie and IJ and Miss M and hoping for a fab day.

BAD - I may be so kn*ckered I go the wrong way and we end up at Tamworth Services instead.  I may be so flustered by the time we get there that my cheeks will be bright red, my hair will be sticky and yucky due to stress related glowing, and I may get mistaken for the back end of a baboon and shoved in with the scary monkeys before Miss M can say ‘Athlete’s Foot’.  Then when they finally release me it will probably be time to go home and I will have missed all the fun and frolics in Thomas Land.

UGLY - The above description of a sweaty, red faced, sunkissed Ms Beaufoix, and the fact that at some time next week, even though I achieved my Recycle Week goal and fulfilled my pledge, I will be allowing Miss M to beautify my face in her own unique style as I was daft enough to tell her about it.  Sighhhhhhh.

P.s.  To see how everyone else got on with their pledges pop over and see the gorgeous Almost Mrs Average for her Recycle Week Carnival.  Go on, you know you want to.

Tonight, I WAS going to blog about the fact my kid might be a psychopath.

I WAS going to blog about the conversation we had after her swimming lesson when she said..

Miss M:  ”Mummy.  I have Ashley’s foot.  But it’s ok.”

And the fact that my mind immediately exploded with thoughts of the sweet little boy at nursery a few months younger than her who goes by the name of ‘Ashley’.  And how he might, possibly, maybe, be missing a few phalanges, a metatarsal or two, perhaps a cuneiform, and be blessed with the nickname of ’stumpy’ for the rest of his life.

And how she then said..

Miss M:  ”It doesn’t hurt anymore Mummy.” 

And I said,  inside my head, “Oh my Bob what has she done?’

And she said: 

Miss M:  ”Because you put cream on my Ashley’s foot and it’s all better now.”

Me:  Ahhhhhhh.  ATHLETES foot you mean babe.  Yes, it’s all better now.”

Sighhhhhhh. 

So I was going to blog about that, but I’ve had such a sh*tty time with solicitors today that I’m not blogging about my kid being a psychopath anymore.  Instead I will be blogging about the sale of our house which will be going through on Friday and which has been tainted by incompetent, uncaring, evil, non truth telling, lazy, inadequate, probably pinch babies when no one is looking, festering, repulsive, toadish and ungallant individuals who should be made to face the consequences of their actions.

Ok?

Good.

Ready?

They are gits.

Feeling better today, partly because of all your comments, partly because my new car is parked happily outside my house, nestled into the kerb like a sleeping wildebeest, sighhhh, but mainly because I started the day with the following statement from Miss M…

Miss M;  ”Mummy, my nappy is like a carriage for wee.”

I am so proud.

Nb.  Nappy = diaper, and yes my 4 year old still wears them at night. She’s just not ready.  Her sister was the same, in fact when I attempted to night train her she stated that she liked weeing her nappy because ‘it was warm’.  She was dry by 5 though so either our house got warmer or her, erm, pee got cooler.

Sometimes the lows just hit when you’re least expecting them.  You’re flying along so fast, barely able to take in the scenery when, woomph.  It’s been fairly gentle this descent, a soft yet smothering pillow about the head rather than the obvious brick, but sometimes obvious is better.  You can’t fight the obvious.  You can’t overlook it or step around it as its hands are about your throat, its nails clawing at your eyes, its breath hot on your face.

The gentler kind is devious.  It creeps and tiptoes.  It twists in through cracks, seeps under doors and lies in wait.  It traces uneasy fingers along your spine and urges you to carry on climbing the ladder whilst silently breaks the rungs behind you. 
 
I hate that I can’t understand when stuff like this happens.  That I can have a basically good week, including a new car, a wonderful night out with a good friend and my little girl beginning a new journey with confidence and a spark in her eyes, and yet I feel broken.  And yes getting in a 4am a little worse for wear, then heading off to see the worst show on the planet, (Tweenies live was pants) won’t have helped, but there’s been a general feeling of malaise for this past week that has had me trying to overcompensate in the hope that false jollity might turn to real. 

It’s times like these when I miss being part of a ‘we’.  I miss having someone to just cuddle.  To talk to and lean on a little.  I suppose it’s just a part of my new life I need to get used to.  

As most people who’ve suffered with depression know, this will pass and I will be fine.  But right now the tears aren’t too far away and I am feel weirdly afraid.

There are many reasons why a person might want to attend a Church Garden Party.

Like, erm,

the multitude of unwanted old toys your kids tend to come home with.

or

the yummy home made cakes that have rolled into a squishy ball of goo by the time you take them out of your bag.

or

the interesting stuff you can win.

But the best reason?

The bottle stall.  Especially if you head over in the last half hour or so.  

Mwah ha ha haaaa.

Myself and the lovely Nic are off into Notts tonight for a single girls night out.  We’ve had ice cream, veggie sushi and a dose of Twilight on Blu Ray, so we’re ready for a chilled but fabulous night.  Hope you all have the same.

Today Miss M had her first full day at school.  It was a practice for the real thing in September when I will be waving two little girls off in the morning then dashing off for a swim, cleaning my house, looking after ‘me’ for a bit, and hopefully writing, writing, writing.

See how cute she looks…

(NB.  The cat mask isn’t part of her uniform, but she looked freaky with pixelation and you know I don’t do full face shots of my kids, just in case.)

When I took her in she gave me a quick smile and a kiss, turned away and didn’t look back.  
I watched her just for a moment as she grabbed a coloured cushion and sat on the floor beside her friends.  Her eyes were bright, her shoulders relaxed, her smile comfortable and open, and as I walked away I think for a moment we were a mirror image.

Well done my little big kid.  You made Mummy and Daddy and Miss E proud.

I want you to do something for me.  I promise there are no Space Pirates involved this time.  You see, at Chez Beaufoix today we are having a sing song. We are having a sing song because I have some good news and am choosing to reveal it through the medium of music and verse.  I’m not saying it’s good verse, and you may not think it is particularly good music, but ah well, you love me right?  Just a little bit?

So, indulge me. Click play and join in, but with the following lyrics…

I have a car, fo lee fo laa
Now I can drive, both near and far
I can go to Skeggy, if I feel the urge
Or nip down to Tesco, if I want to splurge,
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
Cos’ one found some lovely wheels for me
I have a car, fo lee fo laa

I have a car, so say ta ta
To having to, rely on Ma
And my destination, will be up to me
Cos’ I’ll be the driver, we’ll pop round for tea
I belieeeeeeeeeve in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
Cos’ one found some lovely wheels for me
I have a car, fo li fo laa
I have a car, oh tra la laaaa

(Get your kids to join in here if you want it to be really realistic)

I have a car, fo lee fo laa
Now I can drive, both near and far
I can go to Skeggy, if I feel the urge
Or nip down to Tesco, if I want to splurge,
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
Cos’ one found some lovely wheels for me
I have a car, fo lee fo laa
A lovely car, oh laa di daaaaa

(And all bow)

I need a car.

It doesn’t need to be a big one.

Or a posh one.

Just you know, a car.  I’m really not too fussy.

As long as it’s got wheels, doors, windows, and an engine and all those other bits cars need to make them go.

As long as it keeps the rain out and the kids in.

As long as it’s safe.

It can make odd noises or shoot randy camels out of the exhaust pipe and I wouldn’t mind.

I just need a car.

Oh, and not a green one ok?  I had a bad dream as a kid about a green car and my family haven’t bought one since.  It was a really bad dream

Ta.

P.S.  The fabulous Time Management Mum is hosting today’s British Mummy (and Daddy) Bloggers Carnival today and has done a blumming marvellous job.  Click here to read some fantastic posts.