Hello again.

Well, now I’ve got that difficult first entry over I’m back again with the second, which lets face it, is often even harder than the first.

Bugger.

Anyway, today girls and boys, mums and dads (sorry, bit of a Matthew Corbett moment), today I will be writing about rolling.

…not rolling cigarettes which my mate D does regularly and is forever leaving some kind of rolling paraphernalia in my house e.g. Rizlas, tobacco or a stray lighter.

(She doesn’t smoke inside my house, she just scatters her belongings around it.)

…not rolling hills, as in, you know, the countryside.

or ‘rolling drunks in the park.’ which is apparently the act of robbing a helpless person presumably by rolling them around on the ground to see what falls out of their pockets.

No, I just mean rolling, as in moving by revolving or turning over and over, be it a necessary form of travel, an accident or just for fun. This afternoon E returned from school and announced importantly that today in PE they had been practising rolling.

“What, as in roly polies?” I asked, hoping to sound the wise, informed and interested parent that we’re all meant to be.

“No mummy,” she replied looking at me with a face that could not hide the thought reverberating about inside her head, ‘mummy, you know nothing.’

“No mummy, there are 4 types of roll. The forward roll…”

“Ah yes the roly poly.” I interjected. She looked at me and paused until I had been quiet for a good few seconds then carried on, “The shoulder roll, the teddy bear roll, and the sausage roll.”

Well, I was shocked as I’m sure all of you are. How come I had never been taught these rolls? Why had they been taught these rolls? And was there enough space in our room for her to demonstrate them without breaking a leg, a window or her sister?

We cleared a space on the floor and she was off.

The forward roll was as you’d expect. Come on, we all know what a roly poly is, I don’t need to explain. If there is anyone needing instruction however just check out this link,  which even includes an mpeg of a forward roll if you’re still unsure.

The shoulder roll was quite odd and I have a feeling still needs some practice. She kind of bowed her head down to the floor on one knee. Then stuck out her other arm and leg and fell over.

The Teddy bear roll began in a sitting position. She put her legs and arms out in front of her, then rolled onto her back with them in the same position, then onto her side. To be honest it kind of reminded me a little of a dead dog but you don’t repeat such thoughts to small children so I clapped and agreed that she did indeed look just like a teddy bear.

Then last but not least, the sausage roll,which was actually the one we all used to do down hills.

I sat there kind of dumbstruck for a bit after applauding her with much enthusiasm.Was she tricking me, or had they really spent an hour at school learning how to roll around on the floor with their legs in the air. Then I started to think how sad it was that this was her first experience of the ‘sausage’ roll.

When I was her age we had perfected this art on the ‘rolling’ hills in our nearby park.

Why had I never encouraged my child to fling herself down a large hill with the wind beating her face ruddy, the world rushing by and a fit of the giggles that often lead to hiccups and hysteria?

Why had I denied her the elation of beating that friend or sibling who always won at everything else?

Why at the age of six had she never before experienced the simple pleasure of rolling?

Then it came to me.

Dog poo.

Nuff said.