Hello
Well I’m back again and I’m all on my lonesome.  My 2 year old is upstairs dreaming about whatever two year olds dream about – I wonder if they dream like they speak?

i.e. in non sequiturs…

Me: M would you like some juice?
M:  car

Me:  Have you got a poor poor?
M: dat M’s doggy.

Me: Shall we sing bobbin?
M: I have never wrestled a penguin into a vat of honey nut puffs and I think you would deeply regret it if you did mummy.

- Ok, that’s not one of hers but you get what I mean.

E is staying at my mum and dad’s where she’ll get fed copious amounts of goodies, stay up late and have a fantastic time but we’ll all suffer for it tomorrow.

And Mr Beaufoix is upstairs with a temperature of 39.9, a very pale face and several layers of blankets cos he’s freezing- poor lamb.

Of course I’m looking after him by supplying drinks, medication and sympathy, but I’m also kind of excited at having the whole of downstairs to myself.

Ok, excited is a bit of a strong word, but lets just say it’s a novelty.  I can watch what I want, listen to what I want, use the PC when I want, ring who I want, and it’s also sooooo quiet.

Only problem is I can’t decide what to do.  How annoying is that?  So I’m hoping for some inspiration here.  I’ve decided to do a list of stuff that makes me laugh.
Nice…

1. The things my kids say,
e.g. 
My mum to E: “ Hello darling.”
M to my mum in a concerned voice: “ Ganny dat not darling, (then pointing to each of us in turn,), dat mummy, dat E, dat M (to herself) and dat ganny.(to my mum)”

And E to Mr Beaufoix,
E:  “Daddy, you look nice, you look like a really smart postman.”
Mr B: Erm, thanks E. (He’s not a postman.)

2. Comedians
such as Vic and Bob, Harry Hill, Alan Davies, Jo Brand, Mitchell and Webb, Catherine Tate, etc.

3. Programmes like
 QI, Never mind The Buzzcocks, Mock the Week

4. Spike MilliganNasty…

2. Celebrities making fools of themselves
because of their over-inflated egos, dress sense or drunken antics.

3. Pets in clothes
Well really, what is that all about?

4. People with so much makeup they look like they’ve been drawn by a 5 year old.
5. When people say the wrong words by mistake or pronounce them wrong.
e.g. I used to be a telephone operator for a national slimming company and a client once rang up to ask for a value.  The conversation went a bit like this…Client:  I’ve got some lion steak, can I have it?
Me:  LION STEAK????
Client:  Yes that’s what it says here.
Me:  Oooo that’s a bit unusual, where did you get it?
Client:  Well I know, but it’s just from M & S.
Me:  Erm, ok, can you give me the energy Kcal for 100g please?
Client:  I’ll just have a look.

Me thinking:  Lion steak?  It can’t be.   Lion steak, lion steak, LOIN STEAK?

Me:  Is it spelt  L O I N ?
Client: That’s it dear.
Me: Erm ok, no problem.

(Sad I know but I was very pregnant at the time, and anyway, she started it, mad woman.)
 

6. Loud and sometimes unexpected bodily functions, or even just the words associated with them.

Yes, I know, I’m old enough to know better, but the word poop just cracks me up, and also plop, bottom ,buttocks and trump.  Any of these words coming from the mouth of an adult are just funny.

I come from a family of six, (four kids) and if someone happened to pass wind (very grown up phraseology I’d like to point out.) in the car, my dad would say, “Who’s made a smell.”  I used to get this image of a little man in a room rolling and kneading brown plasticine into a little smell shape and then going, da-daa at passers by.  Then I’d laugh and everyone would decide it was me whether I’d dropped one or not. 

Familys eh?  Tsk.

This reminds me of another incident on the above telephone line when I typed in low fart yogurt by mistake.  I nearly wet myself.  God knows what the woman on the other end of the line must have been thinking.

Anyway, enough about that.  Hmmm, think I’m going to have to add some more to my nice list.  Otherwise you’re all going to think I’m just nasty. 

If anyone out there wants to share, get your lists on here too.  I’m sure there’s stuff I’ve missed.

In the meantime, here’s another quote that makes me larf.

“I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare,

but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. “

(Spike Milligan RIP)