Here’s to another rainy bank holiday – surprise, surprise. 

For once we have no flat packed furniture to build, no gardening to do (or none that we can be bothered with) and we’ve no relatives we’ve promised to visit and no kids parties to attend – blimey, freedom!

Having recovered fully from my night on the town, Mr B and I decided to take the kids on a cultural extravaganza.  Well, I suppose not exactly a cultural extravaganza, but ‘Tales of Robin Hood’ in Nottingham City Centre not far from where Mr B works.

He’s been working in Notts since February and is right near the castle, so it’s kind of made us aware of all the local historic sites there are and the fact that we’ve been to so few.

So today we decided on a visit to the castle, but as it was pouring, we chose the indoor option which meant travelling around smelly paper mache displays in wobbly old green cable cars.  Of course after that description I’m sure you’re already planning a visit, but actually it was quite good, though really not suitable for a 2 year old and a bit pricey because of that (in my opinion).

E and Mr B went in the front cable car, and M and I went in the back.  We were kind of in trouble as soon as the loud speaker kicked off in the roof of our cable car.  M climbed very quickly onto my knee and began whimpering, “Where daddy?”  We went past barking dogs, hanging bodies, and even jolly old Friar Tuck looked, well, kind of scary really.  By the time the thunder and lightening started I was on my 5th round of Wind the Bobbin and she was screaming.

Well, what can you do?  If I jumped off the ride it’s quite possible we would have been electrocuted, fallen through some trap door, or disappeared into Sherwood Forest forever.  So, I stuck it out and we got through several more Nursery Rhymes and even onto Amy Winehouse’s Rehab which M enjoys joining in with in the ‘No, No, No bits.

While being painfully aware that my little girl was not enjoying this experience in the slightest, and that anyone behind us would think I was a mad woman singing to myself in the car ahead,  I was also very aware that M wasn’t wearing a nappy as we’ve begun the dreaded potty training.  So as well as wiping away tears and baby snot (sorry everybody but she has a cold), I was also waiting for a warm trickle down my leg, which lets face it, as she was on my knee was going to look like we had both had an accident.  Oh the joys of family outings.

As we rounded a corner suddenly we arrived at Robin’s den and were met with great feasting and merriment.  It would have been an ideal opportunity for a chorus of ‘Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding through the Glen.’ to lighten the mood but sadly not, however, the day was saved by something that, well, to be honest looked a bit out of place on the medieval banqueting table….

A huge, great, enormous, shivering jelly that towered high and was made up of a myriad of bright, kiddy friendly colours.

“Wow, look M.”  I enthused in that way that parents do when they want to make a kid think they have just spotted the most exciting thing in the world.  Of course it’s all a cunning ploy to force your child to forget about the annoying noisy toy, the sore finger or the terrifying medieval dungeon with the skeletal man chained to a wall eating his last meal while rats gather round.

M was not at all impressed by my excitement and kind of looked at me in a way that I know if I’d been sitting with her older sisiter would have been accompanied by the words, “Mummy, it’s only a jelly, and, it’s not even real.”

Luckily the jelly was the end of the ride, and there was Mr B and E waiting happily with one of Robin’s Merry Men, who was clad in Lincoln green, clutching a bow and arrow and sporting a goatee.

Looking at my tear stained,  traumatised child,  stuck to my arm like a lolly to the carpet,  he said with a wicked grin, “Did she like it then?”

To be honest I could have kicked him in his green, nylon clad shins, but instead I was the epitome of calm.  I took a deep breath, smiled at him  sweetly and answered,

“No , not really she’s probably a bit too young.” 

But underneath I was wishing she’d left him a nice surprise on the seat for him to clear up later.

That would have taken the merry smile off his merry face.

Blumming outlaws…