I wasn’t sure what I’d write about today as I didn’t want to bring on the sads, but Mr B gave me some blog fodder last night with a small gift.
In actual fact it nearly made me lose my dinner.
I was minding my own business emptying the washing into the tumble dryer.
It was getting on for 10pm and I was sat on the kitchen rug in my PJs doing that final task before bed.
As I joyfully flung Mr B’s last pair of boxers into the dryer I found on my lap a little surprise.
It was all clean and shining and had obviously been Fairy Non-bioed, softened and spun to perfection.
At first I couldn’t quite work out what it was or how it got there.
Then realisation hit and the heaving began.
I jumped up and shouted quietly (as the kids were asleep)
Me: “eughhhw, eughhhw, eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhw”
So what little treasure had Mr B bestowed on me through the medium of washing??
Are you ready??
A slug.
A shiny, grey, squishy, floppy, no longer oozing, probably salmonella carrying yet also very clean, dead slug.
I hate slugs.
They make me heave at he best of times.
But this one had actually been nestled on my knee. Ok it didn’t actually touch my skin, but it had touched my PJ’s so they would need to be washed asap.
It now lay at my feet, all sweet smelling and pathetic and damp.
So I picked it up and shoved it in the dryer with the rest of the wet things.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I didn’t.
I picked it up in a tissue and pushed it deep into the bin, then ran upstairs to strip and shower away the lergy…or is it lurgy?
I may need to burn my PJs. I haven’t decided yet.
Eughhhhhhhhhhhw. Shudder, shudder.
It’s funny because in my head slugs are quite cute.
I wrote a poem about them for mine and Napoleon Fantastic’s book in progress, ‘Peoms for Punky Pets.’
Life Changing Moments…
For years I’ve felt an outcast
I’ve really been a mug
I thought I was a naked snail
But now know I’m a slug
Yipeee Anyway, on to more lovely and less gooey, disgusting foul grey things…I’ve been given 4 shiny new awards. I am so thrilled.I have a fab ‘Rockin’Blogger Award from the amazing Little Mummy… and also from my one of my bezzie blog mates, Confessions of a Rotten Correspondent, who is hilarious, blumming hard working and just so honest.
Isn’t it pretty?
And somebody thinks I rock, infact 2 people. How cool is that?
AND I have a schmoozing blogger award from the fabulous and funny Mya at Missing You Already .
Look, it’s in my colours and everything, and my arm looks just like that too…
(Not really)
Schmoozing, as defined by Dictionary.com is the ability “to converse casually, especially in order to gain an advantage or make a social connection.”
I agree with Mya’s comment that this sounds a bit creepy and arse licky, so we’ll just go for the nice friendly conversationalist bit instead.
And the gorgeous, beautiful, splendiferous, blog royalty Rotten Correspondent (not ass licky at all am I), has also awarded myself, Mya and the lovely Jen (we are apparently now RC’s Angels so watch out for the film coming soon), a Creative Blogger Award, and she says lovely things about us too.
I am so excited.
I can’t wait till Ashley helps me to actually get them on to my site. The new template does widgets differently so I’ve sent him a load to see if he can figure it out – bless him. I mean, he only has a newborn baby, a career, his own blog to design as well as the others under his guidance, and a life. He can fit all this in for me can’t he?
(Seriously Ashley, I’m so grateful.)
So, tomorrow, like Rotten Correspondent I will be holding my own blog awards, so make sure you’ve all dusted. You might just need room on your electronic mantlepiece. I will call them ‘the Ozzies’ and some of them may be ostrich shaped.
For now I’m going to have a glass of wine or two and toast all my mates out there in the blogosphere.
And I’ll be watching out for slugs who may want to avenge the sad demise of their very clean friend.
Sorry, but hey, I didn’t invite him in so he shouldn’t really have been there in the first place, so there..
July 17th, 2007 at 11:46 am
You did say yesterday that you were hugging everything in your household, so perhaps the slug wanted to join in, before it went for a spin in your washer.
Does that mean you have to re-wash all your clothes?
Is it safe to visit your house?
Congratulations on all your awards!! Great stuff!
July 17th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
eeew icky sicky
and hooray and congrats on your bloggy bling.
July 17th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Eurghhhw and again eurghhh Ingenious.
Slug hugs. Bleurrrgh.
Icky sticky indeed CamiKaos.
And I love the term ‘bloggy bling’.
You make me laugh.
July 17th, 2007 at 2:17 pm
I would have had a mild heart attack if I’d seen that. Insects and slugs and such don’t sit well by me. I know some folks eat snails, but (gulp) NOT ME. Well, at least it was dead, and at least it was not a leech that tried to suck your blood. (Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)
July 17th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Eurghh Susan, now I have chewy snail and slug thoughts in my head.
Leeches, also gross. I have never forgotten that bit from the film ‘Stand by Me’ with the leech down the trousers.
I wanted to cry with him.
Must think of something non icky to write about tomorrow, or I’ll be scared of my own blog.
July 17th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Yuck, yuck and yuck! My dog has brought slugs in her before, stuck to her fur. I’m breaking out in goose bumps just remembering that. Yuck!
July 17th, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Wow Jo, it’s blog Christmas for you! And I can see why.
You know it’s ok to have “the sads” sometimes, I found your last post really moving.
Thanks for the lovely comments and compliments on my blog! My web design skills being what they are, I forgot to mention that I moderate my comments, although every comment made so far has been approved.
Good luck fighting those Giant Slug nightmares…
July 17th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
And thanks for the link too! Great web design you have going on here
July 17th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
OK, this post is absolutely hilarious. You had me falling off my chair. And I’m VERY RELIEVED that you didn’t put it in the drier!!
July 17th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
I found you! It’s been a bit of a mystery since you started commenting on my little blog. LOL! and ick! oooogie! I can’t stand slugs. My little brother used to put salt on them when we were kids…the slugs would sizzle and melt. Eeeesh.
July 18th, 2007 at 12:00 am
Cute poem. And slugs are really harmless, you know. Gross, but harmless…
July 18th, 2007 at 12:56 am
Bellevelma, slugs on dog fur, eughw, did ya stroke ‘em?
Miss Despina, thank you and thank you, and your blog is fab so you’re very welcome to the link. I don’t mind you deleting one of my myriad of comments yesterday. They probably say the same thing. I thought it might be an approval thing which is good. I once had a very yucky link nearly added by some weirdo.
Absolutely Bananas, I don’t want to think about hot dead melty slug on my clothes. Can you imagine it? Arghhh.
Art, I know they’re harmless, but all that oozing just shouldn’t be allowed. Tom Cruise makes millions out of it and that shouldn’t be allowed either.
I wonder what happens if you put salt on him..
July 18th, 2007 at 5:11 am
LOL, Jo, salt on Tom Cruise? I don’t think it would work, he did play a bartender in Cocktail and was making margaritas. Unless, of course, they had him using “stut salt” in place of the real thing.
Slugs. *shudder* No more slugs, okay?
July 18th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Becky hi and welcome.
You were the first blog I read and I love popping in and seeing what your cute kids are up to.
I heard about the slug salting thing but could never bring myself to do it.
Jen, Ok hun, no more slugs. Well not for now anyway.
Eughwww
July 18th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
My youngest kid ate half a live slug when he was about two. Yes, I said half. All the neighborhood kids watched and screamed, but no one thought to stop him. Now, at the ripe old age of ten, it’s one of his proudest moments. Sigh.