Arghhhh
I’m being stalked, harrassed and terrorised by slugs.
First there was the one in the washer, and you all know what happened to that one.
Next there’s one watching Mr B and I as we sit watching ‘Wire in the Blood’ in our living room. It peers in the window with its little slug eyes and flashes its slimy slug underside at us in a lurid fashion.
Then I go into the kitchen to fetch some wine and there’s another snail like terrestrial gastropod hanging out near the fridge looking like it’s hoping to score some finely cut cucumber.
Do you think they’re forming a master plan to avenge the death of their late friend, ‘Alan the Adventurer’ who braved the Colour Wash but did not live to tell the tale?
Could they be planning a mass invasion where they slime everything in site and dissolve all my underwear?
I know I could put a line of salt where the plinth should be, but the idea of a plethora of half dissolved slug bodies on my kitchen floor is frankly disturbing, and I just can’t bring myself to watch them fizz and die.
Miss E: “Maybe they just want to be friends mummy.”
Me: “Eughhhw.”
I can’t imagine anyone wanting a pet slug…
Then I find this created by somebody called Tserisa Supalla who is something of a slug enthusaist.
Can you believe it?
Several things concern me about this site.
1. “If you pet it along it’s keel (usually that looks like a small line along its back), the slime will feel slippery. The slime comes off your fingers fairly easily unless you are disturbing the slug (such as being rough with it). ”
Pet a slug?
Pet a slug?
Is this person mad? And as for my ‘disturbing’ the slug, what about it disturbing me?
Even more worrying is this…
2. “If you lick a slug enough, your tongue will go numb.”
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Don’t lick the slug.
Don’t ‘pet’ the slug.
Don’t talk to the slug.
Don’t even look at the slug.
Stop it now or I may have to summon a policeman.
You can even adopt a cyberslug on this site, but if any of you do I may will cry.
Arghhh, I’ve just noticed there’s even a slug on this wordpress post template.
‘Post slug’.
What does that mean?
Is it a threat?
Do I need to hire protection?
Hmmm, this is all too scary. I may have to ban the word slug, but having looked at Dictionary.com I don’t think they’ll let me as it has so many other meanings.
I’ll just have to hope that either the slugs get too sluggish to climb into my kitchen,
or that somebody slugs the slugs before they get in , or maybe I could pay someone with a gold slug to shoot a slug into the slugs, or to slug them far far away with a baseball bat.
That should do the trick.
There’ll be no chance of them getting near me then.
This will be a slug free zone.
Ok, calm thoughts, calm thoughts, breathe in… and out.. and in… and out…
Ahhh that’s better.
Anyone for a slug of ale?
July 19th, 2007 at 10:40 am
Ewww, ewww, EWWWW!!!! Pet a slug? Lick a slug? Um… no thank you. I don’t blame you for not wanting dead slugs all over the place, but surely dead is better than alive? Ick. I dunno. So, yeah. Good luck with that!!!!
July 19th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Thanks Brillig.
I’m having an early night to avoid them.
See you all tomorrow.
July 19th, 2007 at 10:57 am
no. slugs.
Last night my brother and his lovely girlfriend were here for dinner. After dinner as Mr. Kaos and my brother played games with K, Sadimac and I had some quiet time on the front steps talking and laughing and telling stories just the two of us. It was lovely until I put my bare foot down ever so gently on the 3rd step to feel something slimy….
“OH GAWD it’s a slug” I gurgled… I closed my eyes and drew my knees up like a little girl afraid a shark is going to bite her toe off in the pool and then sadimac, the saint said
“It’s okay it’s gone… that must run in the family”
That saintly sadimac ficked it away for me… I’m with you. slugs be gone.
July 19th, 2007 at 11:13 am
The attack of the gastropods! Sounds like a bad movie. Good luck with your slug problem, Jo.
July 19th, 2007 at 11:40 am
OK, what are the odds that three—THREE—slugs turn up in one’s home?
Sounds to me like a bad horror film. You may need a slug exorcism, or the advisement of a physicist and a reactionary sherrif character.
I am symbolically washing my hands of all slugs in hopes that the energy goes your way.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Slug of ale… that reminds me of something. I think you can put a shallow plate or bowl out and fill it with beer and it will attract the slugs. You might google it and if it’s as I remember then you could put the beer somewhere you wouldn’t mind the slugs lining up for a gulp – like outside perhaps. They drown in the beer and then you can toss it. Failing that, you might buy a bunch of shells and lay them out. If slugs are snails without a shell, they may simply be seeking shelter in your home. Line up some real estate for them and maybe they’ll take up residence in a snail shell and skeedaddle. And oh I’m itching just thinking about them again. Yuck.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:26 pm
Ick. I guess it could be worse. You could be invaded by cobras or something. But still. Ick. Do you suppose someone is having a little joke with you? Ick.
July 19th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
Hi Jo, I think I forgot to mention something which might be important – my 4 year old IJ has been popping round to your house and posting slugs through your letter box. She says is is a lovely home and all creatures would love to live there. So there may be more. Hope they aren’t bothering you!
July 19th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Dear Jo,
Why do you hate us? We just want to be friendly. We must insist you stop this hateful behavior at once.
Sincerely,
THE SLUGS
July 19th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I have a similar problem with beetles – every time I go to take a bath there’s one in the bathroom following me towards the bath (and if you look really closely you can see it’s carying a little towel and shower cap)
July 19th, 2007 at 1:06 pm
I’m with Absolutely Bananas on this one!
You must be kind to slugs.
They are your friends.
July 19th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
The beer thing that bellevelma mentioned works, but only as long as you don’t have alcoholics for neighbours. You know, Jo, maybe your house was built on an ancient slug burial ground, and they’re coming back for revenge, just like in Poltergeist.
July 19th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
CamiKaos, how lovely that you ‘petted’ the slug with your toes. Heave, heave, shudder, heave. My thoughts are with you sweetie.
Art, that is a great name for a movie, but who’d go and watch it? The slugs probably, they seem to be able to get in anywhere.
Susan thank you. Slug exorcism might be a good idea, especially if Jen is right and the house is built on an ancient slug burial ground.
Bellevelma,you are full of wonderful ideas. I will indeed try the beer method, and I may also raid Miss E’s shell collection to find them some potential dwellings, poor little naked snails.
RC, I don’t think it’s a joke as they seem to come late at night when the kids are in bed. I think they’re getting in behind the washer. We have a plinth missing that we need to fix. I did read that they don’t like copper so we might have to buy a line of it from a garden shop and see if that puts them off. I have this image in my head of them all lined up like zombies waiting to find another way in though. But I agree about the cobras. That would be scary.
Ingenious Rose, I shall return the slugs to you as soon as I am able. You must tell IJ that although it was a lovely gift, slugs get very homesick and need to stay in their natural habitat, e.g. at your house.
Slugs, I do not truly hate you as individuals. I mean, it’s not as though we’ve ever chatted. But it’s rude to come into a persons house without asking. Even vampires know that.
Jen, Susan has suggested an exorcism so we might try it.
Does that make them ghost slugs?
If so you’d think ghost dog would scare ‘em off.
Tsk.
Do you think copper will work on ghost slugs, or should I try a crucifix?
Or maybe a copper crucifix?
Hmmmm.
July 20th, 2007 at 1:10 am
Jolene, sorry, hadn’t checked my moderation bit, welcome.
Hope you’re beetle problem improves.
Atleast they’re clean beetles and don’t leave slimy trails behond them…
Maybe you could get David to make a poster staing fees for use of facilities. this might stop them, or you might make a bob or two.
Pop over to Jolene’s blog for an interesting and thought provoking read everybody.
It’s called ‘Tales from the Naughty Step’ and it’s great.
http://naughtystep.wordpress.com/
July 20th, 2007 at 1:15 am
Thanks Jo…you’re very kind.
Problem with beetles is they are massive and I don’t like them and Alasdair won’t move them for me. I think he’s secretly afraid of them too but he says he’s got better things to be doing…yeah right, what could be better than moving beetles?
You should definately try the beer…I remember my dad using it in his garden. At one point our local coop sold cheap beer for 12p a can and I’m sure it was all it was good for. At least they die happy!
July 20th, 2007 at 1:21 am
The fondest memory I have of Stupid Ex involves him spraying a slug with anti-freeze and saying (in his best Arnie voice)
“Cool off”
Is this weird?
Good luck in your battle against the English language, and what we call “the slug community”.
July 20th, 2007 at 1:25 am
Hee hee, thanks Miss Despina.
The anti-freeze bit is a bit wierd, but hey, that’s stupid Ex for you, right?
Did it make the slug go away??
July 20th, 2007 at 3:07 am
Jolene that beer sounds, erm, perfect heh heh.
I will try it.
I’m just a bit worried Miss M might try it too…
I’ll have to just do it at night.
Why not put a few of the beetles in Alasdair’s socks, then he might think ‘Hmm, yes, we have a problem” as they wiggle between his toes.
Eurghww
July 20th, 2007 at 5:44 am
The only advice I can give you is DO NOT move to Australia.
I really have to ask…What is it with you English people (remember I am married to one so I can ask this..) and things that crawl?
My in-laws are visiting soon from the UK and to hear them talk, they are worried about making it back home alive lol.
July 20th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Mad Goat Lady I can’t explain it.
To be honest I’ve always been scared at the thought of Australia because of all the creepy crawlies that can kill you.
I suppose we’ve had it easy here as nothing really can, so the thought of going somewhere where death can linger under the toilet seat is downright terrifying.
I suppose having a bit of an aversion to spiders doesn’t help as you seem to have so many big ones over there.
Sorry, but I suppose I’m just a wuss.
July 20th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
As I was tripping over snails on my afternoon walk today, I wondered why are snails so delicious with garlic butter but I would sooner die than put a slug in my mouth… PS, if you get a chicken you will have no more slug problems (and really good breakfast as well!)
July 21st, 2007 at 10:22 am
Hi Leendaluu.
Hmmm, I can’t imagine eating snails either though all those French people can’t be wrong.
I suppose the snail is just kind of cuter because of the shell, and less likely to be able to crawl through very narrow spaces into my kitchen.
The chicken sounds good but we have so many cats around here, and we regularly get an urban fox in our garden so I don’t think she’d last long.
We’re going to try the copper stuff I think, then there’s no actual slug killings needed.
July 22nd, 2007 at 5:38 am
See you outside.
July 22nd, 2007 at 11:49 am
Slug King, I am not afraid of you.
Either call off your sticky sibjects or expect them to be doneaway with in a most unsavoury manner…unless I use salt.
July 24th, 2007 at 6:52 am
Oh my, Jo. Unfortunately, I took a slug of coffee before I read your slug post and almost choked to death trying not to spray it all over my monitor. We have slugs here in Maine (US) and I have a daughter who is an animal lover. So, I leave saucers of beer for the fairies and can I help it if the slugs fall into them? I tried non-alcoholic beer, but they didn’t fall for it. (Maybe slugs are smarter than we give them credit for?)
Btw, toads eat slugs, as do some tortoises and hedgehogs, although stepping on a hedgehog would be worse than stepping on a slug, I guess. I don’t even want to think about stepping on a toad. Slugs don’t like rough surfaces, so you might want to surround your house with a barrier of crushed stone or shells. As a last resort, I read once that a woman actually collected slugs, put them through a blender, added water and sprayed the stuff around her garden and it kept other slugs away. Of course, where would you spray it? Maybe not a great idea. Your writing is hilarious, btw.
Shine On,
Lill
July 24th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Lill, welcome.
Heh heh, beer for the fairies, that’s so funny. I might have to try it.
The slugs in the blender thing though, eurghhhw. I hope she threw that blender away. I have this imagine of her making herself a smoothie and then thinking, ‘hmm, that was a bit chewy…’
LOL
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 am
I like slugs and have my own pet one, so it has escaped a few times but hey…he’s cool. You will be surprised how many people actrually have pet slugs and snails and if you take time to actually study or just go on a few websites about them then you will eventually come to apreciate them.
Slugs and snails have as much write to be on this planet as we do! they are facinating creatures and make VERY cool pets (especially to children who like slimy stuff)
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hi Katie, thanks for your comment. I promise I don’t have a problem with slugs or snails in my garden, and I have never ever harmed one, but when they slime my kitchen floor I just don’t like it. My kids do like slimy stuff, but slugs carry so many germs and I’d rather they didn’t touch them. Snails are fine as they pick them up by the shells, but slugs are just not good, especially in my kitchen, on my floor. I agree they have a right to be on the planet, and it’s cool they have someone to fight their corner, but I don’t want their corner in my kitchen.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I sometimes feel a super-disgusted when I find any sort of bug in my house. But, weirdly, enough, I don’t have too much of an issue with them being in my kitchen or bathroom (unless they are in my cupboards). I feel infinitely more disgusted when I find them in my bedroom or crawling out from behind my couch. It gives me the shivers thinking about it now. Eww.
October 1st, 2008 at 7:15 am
last week i found a slug in my room in the basement…I screamed my head off. then i was brave enough to pick it up with a cotton ball and took outside. last night, the first thing i saw was the trail of shiny stuff, then i saw it…another effing slug. I picked it up with a rag and put it outside. this morning…u guessed it, another trail leading to under my bed. and bingo, another slug. I can’t bring myself to go under my bed because i’m afrai i’m going to see thousands of them. I’m gonna cry. I’m afraid to sleep at night because I’m afraid they will feel inclined to share my comfortable queen sized therapeutic mattress. I never had a problem with them until I saw them in my sanctuary, my most favorite place to be, my effing bedroom. Is it me or does anyone find that extremely disgusting. I’m itching remembering it crawling on my carpet like it was ok to do so.
i would love to try the beer trap but there is just one little problem…I’m just a little over 20, not old enough to buy beer and my parents are strict non-alcoholics, i have no older sibling, but I do have older boyfriend, maybe he would sport enough to buy some beer to put out for the fairies.
DIE SLUGS, DIEEE!
October 1st, 2008 at 9:40 am
Matt, I haven’t had any upstairs yet. If I do I may have to move out. Bleurghhhh.
Bea, I would definitely get the older boyfriend on the job. Shiver. OR just line your room with salt. They are disgusting. I think it’s because they are so squidgy and slimy.
October 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 am
I stayed up last night and caught one then I poured salt on it and all over my carpet where i see trails. Seeing it die kinda made me feel bad…….until i saw that the thing made a lot of slime mess on my carpet during its death, that made me mad!
October 2nd, 2008 at 7:39 am
Ewwwwwwwwww. Very gross. Hope they don’t come back.