I am shocked and bereft.
Never have I experienced such disappointment, such bewilderment and such fear.
Not infact, since turning over the TV at that horrifying moment in ‘Celebrity’ Big Brother when George Galloway pretended to be a cat…
NB. Only watch this clip if you have a very strong stomach, bleurghhh.
Did you see?
Well what happened was worse than that…
The Sat’ Nav’ LIED.
Can you believe it?
I will never be able to trust again.
I fear recovery from this unfortunate event will be long and slow with many pits and troughs, but I certainly won’t be using anything computerised to steer me along the right path.
Picture the scene…
I’m off to a hospital appointment in Derby.
It’s just a routine thing but I’m not looking forward to it.
One of my best mates, Lucy, has offered to come with me as Mr B can’t and she knows I’m a bit nervous.
I’ve never used the Sat’ Nav’ by myself before as Mr B normally has the car for work and he drove when we went away, so, although I’ve been in the car while it was on and listened vaguely to the instructions, I’ve never actually had to follow them.
The night before, Mr B gives me a lesson on using the said instrument of torture.
Mr B: “It’s easy.”
Me: “ok.”
I drop Misses E and M at my mum’s and leave with big hugs and kisses ringing in my ears.
I programme the Sat’ Nav’ to get to Lucy’s just to have a practice…
It’s fine.
I input my destination postcode and we set off.
Razorlight is on the stereo, Lucy and I are chatting and Sat’ Nav’ lady seems confident in her directional communications, if a little snooty.
She’s taking us in a round about way, but I’m not worried as this happened when we went to Yarmouth and we seem to be heading in the general direction of Derby.
My appointment is at 12.45pm and as the minutes tick by I realise we must be getting close, although we still seemed to be in little villages and hamlets rather than the bustling streets of a small city.
Me: Me and Mr B think she gets posher as we get further south. What do you think?
Lucy: “Hmmmm, maybe.”
Sat’ Nav’ Lady: “In one eighth of a mile, turn right.”
Me: “See, definitely more snotty.”
A few seconds go by, then suddenly…
Sat’ Nav’ lady: “Destination on your right.”
She says it so fast I go past anything that looks remotely like a right turn, so I turn round further ahead and she asserts yet again that we have arrived.
I look at Lucy and she looks at me.
You see,
We have arrived…
In the dictionary sense of the word…
‘ar·rive 
[uh-rahyv]
–verb (used without object)
1. to come to a certain point in the course of travel; ‘ (Dictionary.com)
It’s just that, well, the point we have come to is not the Derbyshire Royal Infirmary (DRI).
Which looks like this…
It’s Chapel Street Shopping Centre…
Which looks like this….
And we’re in Spondon.
You can see the difference right?
So I check the postcode I entered.
It’s fine.
I phone the Derbyshire Royal Infirmary and check the postcode on the letter from them.
It’s fine.
I check my watch.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Oh my God.
I’m going to be late.
They’ll have to reschedule.
I’ll have to wait another 4 months, deep breath, expletive, expletive…
Then Miss Lucy comes to my aid.
Lucy: “It’s alright mate. I’ve got some directions from the man in the shop. I think I can get us there.”
So I set off, this time with a much warmer more humane voice telling me when and where to turn.
When we see signs for the DRI we switch old crow face back on to see what she has to say for herself.
Do you know what she says?
Sat’ Nav’ lady: “Do a U turn as soon as possible.”
Me and Lucy: “Noooooooooo.”
Do you think she was listening in on our chat earlier?
The one where I referred to her as, erm, ’snotty’.
Hmmmmm.
Anyway, we arrive 5 minutes late, only to be told by the smiling reception lady that we am actually 55 minutes early as my appointment is at 1.45pm.
She shows me my letter.
It says, 1.45pm.
OH MY GOD.
We’ve just been on the journey from hell, we’ve rushed through Derby looking wildly for signs that might tell us we’re going in the right direction,
My nerves are shot and Lucy’s probably are too. I look at her sheepishly and she’s grinning from ear to ear.
Me: “Fancy some lunch Luce? My treat…”
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Ooooo, one more thing.
I have been given another fab award from the witty and brilliant leendaluu at Wit’s End because she thinks I’m nice.
Isn’t that nice?
Seriously I’m really excited about this award. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
And I loved what leeandaluu said about it in her blog,
“I watched a woman berate a clerk and she sounded, well- a little bit like me. Time for some reflection, Leendaluu. And I realized how much energy it took to be unpleasant and that nice really DOES matter.
So now I try and put my energy into being ‘nice’ (and it goes twice as far)! It’s not too hard to accomplish:”
There’s more, but I don’t want to nick all Leeandaluu’s copy, go have a read…
Needless to say I definitely think there is a place for ‘niceness’ in this world.
It doesn’t have to mean bland, nampby-pamby or doormat.
It can mean decent and caring human being.
So here it is.
Nice isn’t it.
And I’m going to pass it on to :
1. Ingenious Rose for being nice enough to come over and help me to put my awards on to my sidebar at last. Hooray.
2. Confessions of a Rotten Correspondent for being a really inspiring and supportive blog buddy who makes me smile and cheers me up with her wise and witty comments.
3. Likewise Jen at A Snowball’s Chance in... who signed up on virb so that I wouldn’t feel all alone, even though it was a bit of a nightmare to use. Big hugs coming your way young lady.
4. And Mya at Missing You Already who is always there with a wise word and who I’ve missed while she’s been off camping and going on visits to rainy Britain.
5. Camikaos at Mommified Me. She’s feisty and funny but also I think, very nice, whether she likes it or not.
Hooray.
Thanks for being so fab.
P.S. I would also love to give a Nice Award to Mrs Weasley because she leaves such lovely comments.
Now go off and be nice to each other.
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August 24th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Aw, Jo, thank you! Of course, you are very deserving of this award yourself, you know. So I’m glad you got one. I didn’t even know they existed.
As for Sat Nav Lady…I don’t own one. I learned along time ago when I was a traffic reporter how to read a map, because I can get my self screwed up without any help from a machine. *grin*
August 24th, 2007 at 2:24 pm
The programmed voices on technical gadgets always give me pause. And nobody has a worse sense of direction than me, so trust me, that experience would have freaked me out!!!
August 24th, 2007 at 3:03 pm
oh my…..I would have been so stressed out if that happened to me. eeeekkkkk….I am so glad you were early instead of late. whew….
August 24th, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Thank you, Jo. I love the stories you tell, especially about your daughters. They sound so lovely and always remind me of something sweet my two did or said when they were little. I love the blog friends I have out there who I can check in with each day for a little laugh, a pause for thought, or a pick-me-up on a less-than-wonderful day.
August 24th, 2007 at 6:36 pm
p.s. I, too, get stressed if I am late to an appointment. Glad you made it on time and hope all is well!
August 24th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
Can’t. Handle. Talking. Cars.
Snooty talking lady cars are the WORST for some reason.
I am glad you had a friend there to keep you nice
Speaking of nice, me, no, never… (how did you find out? Who told you, I try to keep that very hush hush you know).
thank you doll. I think you are nice too.
August 25th, 2007 at 12:29 am
How funny (not). I wouldn’t know what a Sat Nav was if it formally introduced itself to me. I have a hopeless sense of direction and can get lost in my backyard if I don’t concentrate….
August 25th, 2007 at 1:39 am
Apparently, Sat Nav in Germany doesn’t have the option of a female voice – they trialled it and found that German men would not listen to directions issued by a woman. I must add that my brother-in-law told me that -and he once convinced me that the word ‘gullible’ wasn’t in the dictionary. I actually went to check and see! Durr.
I am so glad that all my hard work in the field of niceness has finally been recognised. HOW NICE! And it couldn’t come from a nicer person, thanks Jo.
Mya x
August 25th, 2007 at 2:42 am
Jen, I’m a bit hopeless with maps if I’m under pressure.
Mr B got the Sat’ Nav’ for work but it has come in handy.
Don’t know if I’ll ever trust it again though.
Susan and Corey, I don’t know what I’d have done if Lu hadn’t been there. She is an angel.
Mrs Weasley you are wonderful, and it’s so nice you have such good memories of your two. Blogging is such a good way to remember all the little things they say. I wish I’d started when Miss E was smaller. I’ve got a list of things she said, but I’m sure I’ve missed loads of those moments. She used to make me howl.
Cami your secret is safe with me.
I will understand if you choose not to display your niceness on your blog. Wouldn’t want everyone to know right?
Thing is, everyone who reads your blog kind of already knows cos’ you give it away the minute you mention K or Mr Kaos.
Dumdad, we must have far too many other important things in our heads to have room for directions.
Mya, I too would have checked that dictionary as I too am kind of gullible. I prefer to think of it as a belief in my fellow man. If someone tells me they are half antelope or married to Cher’s butler or something I tend to believe them.
Maybe were just too nice.
August 25th, 2007 at 9:03 am
I can get lost perfectly well on my own, thanks. I don’t need some snooty electronic babe doing it for me. Although…my sense of direction is so bad I guess snooty babe couldn’t make it much worse.
Thanks for the award. Coming from you being called nice is doubly sweet!
August 25th, 2007 at 9:09 am
DAMN THEM. I may have to consider getting rid of them. I could… no no, not that…
I could ship them off to a tropical oasis with a cone of silence around it and no internet access and go there to be nice…. and then come out to the real world every Tuesday to be delightfully snarky?
nope…. a Tuesday is certainly too long to be away from them.
rats.
August 25th, 2007 at 10:39 am
RC I wouldn’t bet on it. I reckon snooty babe could make things much much worse if she chose to.
Do you think she could actually drive the car herself like Kitt from Knightrider?
Ok, now I’m scared.
Camikaos, tyou’re going to have to face up to it. You’re basically nice.
Maybe you could use Tuesday’s just to be nasty…?
August 25th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Oh, that is a lovely idea Jo, thank you. I mean… damn it… what the… wait, it isn’t Tuesday so I can use my manners.
August 26th, 2007 at 10:24 pm
Oh, that wicked Sat Nav. LIAR!!! hahaha. I love that you went to all that trouble, only to realize you were super early. You poor thing! What a PAIN!!!