Many of you who know me will be well aware of the problems we have been having this summer with a certain group of little slimy visitors…
Well, according to BBC News 24,
‘Plentiful rain, warm temperatures and a shortage of sun have
provided perfect munching conditions for slugs.’
Bill Lankford from ‘Slug-Watch’ states this years numbers are unprecedented leaving crops and gardens devastated, as well as terrorising young women in kitchens. (Ok, I added that last bit.)
The article goes on to suggest that if things do not change we will be facing a SLUG PLAGUE.
There are apparently already around 61 per square metre of land already…
Yes, and most of them are visiting my kitchen, bathing in my washer and leaving nasty trails on my carpets.
But
I have a plan.
You see, slugs, as far as far as I can see, are really just homeless snails.
Naked,
Cold,
embarrassed,
forlorn.
Who come into my kitchen seeking warmth and solace.
They don’t like the fact that they are deemed inferior to their property owning contemporaries, but they don’t know how to get on the ladder so to speak.
So they hang around in my kitchen looking for sustenance and well, love, probably.
So,
I am going to offer them an opportunity they will not be able to resist…
This.
Free Real Estate.
You think I’m so kind don’t you?
But I’m not.
This is a totally selfish home giveaway.
You see, if they’re in shells, they can’t get in through gaps under doors…
Or through grates or vents of any kind.
Which is how I think they’re getting in now.
I mean,
It would be like a lorry going under a low bridge right?
(http://blogs.newsobserver.com/media/truck.jpg)
or when a dog tries to climb through a small gap carrying a big stick…
So tomorrow morning I’m going to line up a plethora of different shells,
and by night time,
if my plan comes together,
all I will see when I look out my backdoor will be this…
Hooray.
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August 26th, 2007 at 8:57 am
Sounds like a good plan to me!
August 26th, 2007 at 9:34 am
So when they move into your conveniently placed real estate will they then be relocated? Far, far away? Or will their piece of property be swallowed up by the big bad trash can magnate?
August 26th, 2007 at 9:40 am
sounds like a plan for sure. Where are finding those shells? Did you have to buy out some snails?
August 26th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Or you could then pass them off as escargots and sell them to the local French restaurant….
August 26th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Bellevelma I really hope so.
RC I’m hoping they’ll just set up residence in my back garden, but at the bottom, near the noisy neighbours.
Corey, these were abandoned ex-council shells that I bought up at an auction for a snip. I’ve made them nice, you know, added central heating, curtains, real wood florring etc. I think they’ll be happy there.
Dumdad, hmmmm, very good idea.
There is a nice French Restaurant nearby…
I just might do it.
August 26th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Ummm…. yeah. Ew. Ick. I”m so sorry you’re still dealing with this nastiness. And did I say “ick” already? Oh, I did? Well, it merits one more. ICK!!!
August 26th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I agree Brillig. It’s not as bad as it was but they’re still lurking.
Eughwy ick.
August 26th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
You’ve given me a whole new perspective on the ants that invade our house when there is either too much water outside, or not enough! So sorry for you.
August 26th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
The other benefit of this grand plan is that snails are somehow much cuter and less offensive than yucky slugs. At least in my opinion!
August 27th, 2007 at 1:02 am
Get you and your charitable acts!
I recommend that you put signs up making it clear to the poor homeless snails just what you’re doing, otherwise they might be a bit confused and you wouldn’t want confused and homeless snails.
August 27th, 2007 at 2:07 am
Have you considered that you might become even more popular since you’re giving away property free gratis? It’s in heavy demand you know.
August 27th, 2007 at 6:55 am
Have you also considered that if you give them the ickle houses while they’re in yours they won’t be able to get out again!!
I’ve got a wee award for you, although I think you may already have one … pop over and pick it up
August 27th, 2007 at 7:34 am
Mrs Weasley I suppose at least slugs are slow moving and easy to catch where as ants, eughww.
I feel for you too. I think if I had slugs and ants I would maybe have to move…
A Bananas I agree. Snails = cute
Slugs = not cute.
I have no idea why though.
I will write them a note Despina. Can’t have them getting confused. That would be awful. They might start thinking they’re people and that they live here.
We’d probably get home one day and find they’d changed the locks.
Scary.
Jolene, if that is the case I will just have to go with it I think.
It can’t be nice being homeless and it’s not as though I can do much with the shells myself.
Alasdair, do not fret, I have lined the shells up outside my backdoor.
An award, I’m excited now, Thank you so much.
I’ll be over asap.
August 27th, 2007 at 9:36 am
Ewwwww. I still cannot believe the influx of slugs. Thankfully in all our wet weather I have not seen any…
August 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am
Susan, that is because they are all over here in my house.