I’m feeling a little angry today.
The reason I’m angry is because I had very little sleep last night.
The reason I had very little sleep last night is because I had nightmares.
The reason I had nightmares is because one of my parents’ ‘friends’ (they don’t see him too often thank God) decided it would be funny to play a trick on my mum.
Only he got me…
It’s about 5.30 pm.
We’re eating dinner at my parents home.
My Uncle Mike and his wife Sue are there on a stop off from their never ending cycle tour.
We haven’t seen them in a long time as they live in Plymouth so it’s good to catch up.
My mum has made a proper Sunday dinner, you know, roast (beef and chicken, I had quorn), peas, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, potatoes, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, the works.
Then the doorbell goes.
I offer to go as I can get out easily.
I get to the door and peer throught the peep hole. It’s an odd time to call and at least I can shout to my mum who it is while she’s still getting out past everyone around the table.
Through the peephole I see something a little like this:
His helmet is more like the second one though, with his face covered and his visor down.
I feel a bit unnerved as most of the time when a biker comes to your door (and it doesn’t happen a lot) but most of the time they they take their helmet off, right?
So I’m thinking, ‘Hmmm, strange man in helmet, that’s a bit odd. Maybe it’s a delivery man…but on a Sunday…??’
There’s also the more extreme thought in my head that this is someone who might be up to no good.
My parents have a nice house. They live in a fairly affluent area.
I’m not saying old family pile full of antiques with it’s own lake and coach house or anything, but it’s, you know, nice. They’ve not always lived like this, but both have worked very hard to earn a good standard of living and build a good future.
I brush my thoughts of robbery away thinking, ‘don’t be such a dramatic fart Jo, just open the door.’
I open the door.
He stands absolutely still,
a big man in black leathers and helmet.
I wait for him to speak.
He doesn’t.
He just stares.
His eyes look a bit like this.
I wait a bit longer.
He does not smile, or speak, and his eyes look cold and hard.
I go to shut the door in panic and I hear this voice as he stops me,
Idiot arsehole in helmet: “Ahh you know who it is. I was trying to scare J.”
J is my mum, who has arrived at my shoulder.
He takes his helmet off as he walks into the hall and greets my mum.
Mr B grabs my arm and pulls me to the table.
I am white and shaking.
I feel sick.
My mum introduces him as my dad’s ex-girlfriends husband, Mike.
He stands and makes idol banter for a little while with lots of male posturing and running his hands through his silver hair. I have met him before a couple of times, but I wouldn’t have known him without the helmet and leathers, never mind with.
In this small moment in time that seems to last forever, we learn that he is 62, a retired pipe fitter and a flirt.
I don’t care.
As our food grows ever colder, he takes his leave and I look at my mum.
Me: “He just scared me to death mum.”
My hands still shake as I tell them what he did.
I feel a fool, embarrassed, angry and still terrified, probably adrenalin I suppose,
because just for a moment he was a threat.
A threat to my parents, to Mike and Sue, to Mr B and to my two little girls.
I have never felt like that before.
He must have known he’d frightened me, I mean I tried to shut the door on him for Christ’s sake.
But he said nothing.
No apology, no ‘are you ok?’,
nothing.
I mean this I could have coped with,
or this,
or even this…
In fact I wouldn’t have minded that at all.
(I found him here by the way http://www.pamperedpuppy.com/puppytrends/index.php)
So I say again,
What an arsehole.
And you know I don’t call people names very often.
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September 2nd, 2007 at 10:44 am
Having known a biker or 70 in my day I can tell you that they always take their helmets off when they come to call…
Unless they are those leather and helmet evil slabs in that hospital episode of Doctor Who (that was a very good episode wasn’t it, but that is neither here nor there but cold have added to your panic if you had seen it)
That was outrageously rude. RUDE RUDE RUDE.
and it would have frightened me too, any one knocking at the door with their face obscured (except little ones at Halloween) is an idiot.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:07 am
Thanks Cami.
That’s what I thought.
I have seen that episode of Doctor Who, (fantastic), but it wasn’t the helmet so much as his eyes.
What a git.
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:34 am
Sounds like an apology would have been in order or to at least address that he scared you.
Getting scared is no fun. I haven’t had this happen, but the other night Snake on the Plane was on HBO and when I went to get up off of the couch, guess what I stepped on?
My kids rubber snake! Scared the hell out of me!
And your header? Great!
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Blue Momma I agree.
And treading on rubber snakes after watching cheesy yet scary snake films is not a good thing.
I feel your pain.
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:45 pm
What an arsehole. And a wanker. And a twat. And a fuckwit. There, I said lots of rude words for you so you don’t have to! (Feel free to delete comment after reading, if you don’t want your blog polluting with swearing!)
I’m sorry he scared you – I’d have been scared too.
Mya x
September 2nd, 2007 at 12:59 pm
The words are all the right words for today Mya.
Hope someone puts something nasty in his bike helmet.
September 2nd, 2007 at 2:58 pm
What a complete idiot!He needs to be careful doing things like that. He could end up getting himself into real trouble.
And next time Jo (but of course I’m sure there won’t be a next time) DON’T OPEN THE DOOR!!!!
September 2nd, 2007 at 2:59 pm
PS Your dad’s ex-girlfriend??? Now I’ve met your dad several times and that just doesn’t sound right!
September 2nd, 2007 at 4:01 pm
There must be something about the name “Mike.” My older brother by that name loves pulling pranks on people. Sounds like something he’d do and then laugh at it. This is the man who set my hair on fire when we were kids. He’s a cop now . . .
September 2nd, 2007 at 5:01 pm
What he did was MEAN! And then expecting to be entertained when he shows up unannounced, while dinner grows cold is BEYOND rude. Why would he want to scare your mother, anyway? Who goes around trying to scare people at all, besides seven year old boys who think it is funny to jump out of a dark room at you? I wonder if your mother would have been scared if she’d answered the door. I hope if he shows up again to do something like that she ISN’T even scared–that would serve him right. I hope on his way home he was pulled over by a police officer and mistaken for a criminal and interrogated. That is what he deserved! I hope you feel better soon–it is such a drag when you don’t get a good night’s sleep.
September 2nd, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Oh, what a stupid, stupid prank. I would be shaking and trembling too. How completely infuriating that he didn’t even bother to apologize. Jerk.
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:04 pm
I like all of Mya’s words and have several of my own to add but I KNOW you’d have to delete me. Not just an arsehole, but a sadistic arsehole. And dense too. And rude.
Okay, I’m done. I hope you’re feeling a little better. It sucks to be exposed to jerks.
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:05 pm
That was meant to be funny? Not surprised you are having nightmares. Am impressed that you would have taken Darth Vader in your stride. You are made of stern stuff.
September 2nd, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Not my sort of person at all, Jo. And I’d say that’s righteous anger on your part.
Cheer up.
In fact, have a look at the Weekend Wandering question on my blog. That’ll cheer you up, I’m sure.
Keep smiling
David
September 2nd, 2007 at 11:04 pm
OH MY! That was a horrible prank. I am so sorry that happened to you. ARGH…I would be mad also!
I hope you can get it out of your mind quickly.
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:43 am
In this day and age when violence and lawlessness appear to be on the increase, this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. It’s not funny. It’s not like waiting round a corner and jumping out and shouting “Boo, I scared you!” (as did my son yesterday).
I’d like to see how he’d feel if a big biker turned up at his door and acted the same way.
I shan’t use rude words here – they’ve all been taken!
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:44 am
The least he could have done was apologise!
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:45 am
P.S. Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding plus all the trimmings – that knocks fired brains into a cocked hat!
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:46 am
P.P.S
“fired brains”? I meant fried brains!
September 3rd, 2007 at 1:40 am
Ingenious I will not open the door to that man again, with or without his biker gear. And she was an ex from his youth, an ex-fiancee now come to think of it.
It’s weird when you realise your parents have a past isn’t it
Good but weird.
Ouch Annette, at least he didn’t set anybodies hair on fire.
that must have been very scary. It’s funny, my dad was a bit of a naughty kid apparently and he’s a retired cop too.
Mrs Weasley I think my mum would have been scared too. And I hope someone nicks his bike, or that his leathers get shrunk in the rain, or that his helmet gets stuck on his stupid head.
(Oooo all this venting is good good the soul.)
Brillig, RC, jerk is another good way to describe him. I love this, I am feeling so much better. Thanks you lot.
Iota hooray, welcome. I suppose with Dart Vader at least I could have made an educated guess as to whether or not to open the door… (He is quite scary though in a dark Lord kind of way.)
David you are a sweetie and I will be over to see weekend wandering very soon. I can’t wait.
Corey, I slept much better last night I think writing it down really helps sometimes. Especially when lots of fab people are calling him names on your behalf.
Dumdad thank you, you are a gentleman. And dinner was great, you’ll have to do a roast for the Frog Queen soon. I bet she’d prefer it to brains (fired or fried) too.
Akelamalu, you know an apology would have really made a difference. Sometimes it’s so important to admit you’ve been a dumb-ass.
Thanks everyone. I feel all vindicated and chilled. On to happier posts today.
September 3rd, 2007 at 2:28 am
Meh, what a jerk. I almost clubbed a friend’s head in with a brick, because I didn’t know who he was. I was about 12 or so, and this guy pulls up in our driveway on a bike, in leathers, full helmet. We’d had reports of girls getting attacked in the neighbourhood, so I picked up a landscaping brick. He says “Looks like this is the place!”, and keep walking towards me.
I hoist the brick and say “That’s great, who the hell are you?” Then he takes off his helmet, and I realize it’s this guy I’ve had a crush on since I was eight.
You shoulda bashed the guy with a brick. And I’m glad you feel better.
September 3rd, 2007 at 9:03 am
Thanks Jen.
Look at you with the brick. I’m dead impressed.
Masks and helmets can just look so intimidating can’t they.
My Uncle said I should have kicked him in the ‘googlies’ as Miss E calls them.
September 3rd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
The other angle of course, is that he would have been quite happy to give your mother the fright of her life if she opened the door ….
September 4th, 2007 at 6:50 am
Exactly David. What a sad little man.