Arggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
I need to vent.
I need to rant.
I need to pull unsuspecting trees up by the roots and hit officious arseholes over the head with them.
Sorry everyone, I don’t think I have ever done this before, but i AM SO MAD AND ANGRY AND FED UP, in fact, so cross that my keyboard turned to shouty Caps Lock mode without even being asked.
I have to get it out.
So if you don’t want ‘cross as a blumming hotcross bunny that has just been told his passport is out of date at the airport as he is about to board the plane to Paradise’ Jo, then wait till tomorrow, or maybe later when I have calmed down.
I am as cross as a lot of people I know got when Alanis Morissette sang about things being ‘Ironic’ when it fact it wasn’t irony at all but just blumming bad luck.
I am even more cross than I felt when the new keyboard I bought to replace tho old keyboard that tortured me with sticky keys, turned out to have a sticky ‘l’.
This makes writing ‘ _aura _ikes _icking ye_ _ow _o_ _ies’ very difficult as I’m sure you can imagine.
OK.
Deep breath.
Mr B’s mum has booked us to go on a surprise holiday next week.
Isn’t that lovely?
A lovely trip, on a coach, to Torquay.
Well, no actually, it’s not.
You see, we had this conversation,
Mrs B senior: “I want you all to come to Torquay to see the boys with me. I’ll pay.”
(Mr B’s brothers live in Torquay.)
Me: “Erm that’s really nice, but you don’t need to do that.” (Thinking, we can’t afford a holiday, and Torquay is sooo far for the girls to travel and I hate that journey.
Mrs B S: “No, no, I insist. I’ll book for September.”
Me: “Oh ok, well that would be great, but we can’t go in September because of school. Half Term is the first week of October. We could go then.”
See, I didn’t really want to go but I ignored my feelings because I didn’t want to hurt hers.
Mrs B S: “Ok.”
2 weeks later:
Mrs B S: “I’ve booked and paid. We’re going away September 24th – September 28th.
Me: But erm, we can’t… E’s at school. The school are getting really funny about holidays in term-time.
Mrs B S: Well it’s paid for now. The kids over the road do it all the time.”
Me: “Erm, er, I’ll have to phone Mr B. I’m not sure if he can get the time off either.”
I phone Mr B. I am fuming. I don’t want E off in school time. I know in some circumstances people have no option but to do this, but I don’t want to. She’s in a new class, it’s a new term, I want her to settle, and this looks so bad as school are really coming down on this. I’m so mad that she ignored me. I’m so mad she’s put us in this position. I don’t care what the kids over the road do. Miss E is my kid.
Mr B listens. I can hear him nodding. He rings his mum. Then he rings back.
Mr B: She’s paid Jo, we’ll have to go. She’s upset now.
Now I feel twice as bad. I’m mad because I feel I’m being manipulated, and I’m mad because I feel like I have to ring up and say sorry for upsetting her.
I didn’t mean to upset her.
I was so shocked that she’d done this.
Flabberghasted.
I’ve always known that when it comes to my kids and her, she’s not really bothered about what I want.
To be honest she’s not really bothered about what Mr B wants either.
She’s not a bad person, just an old lady who is on her own now and is used to having things her own way.
So she plies my kids with sweets. She buys them enormous gifts that we have no room for, or that are too old for them, or dangerous… mad stuff that we could never afford.
Ahhh I must sound like such a cowbag but I don’t feel like she does things for us, but for her.
You all hate me now don’t you? 
Anyway, I have bitten my tongue and complied to keep the peace, even though we didn’t go to Torquay in the summer as the journey was too much for the kids. Even though we’ll be on an 8 hour coach journey with a just-potty-trained toddler and a seven year old, no safety seats, and no space to move, and no choice to stop if we need to.
I am dreading it.
Also, I’ve been ill for the past year or so. I’m on the mend now, but I don’t handle stress too well, and frankly, a week with Mr B’s mum in a hotel is, well, stressful.
We’ve had a holiday this year. It was in a chalet near a beach. We had space, a kitchen, somewhere to play. We had a car with us. There were no set times for breakfast and dinner when we had to appear scrubbed and smiling and grateful.
I have this vision of us stuck in a hotel in the rain with 2 small children who will want to run around and go crazy, and who I will have to keep telling to ’stop it’, ‘get down’, and ’shushhhhh.’
And that is so not fair on them.
I know some people would love to have this holiday.
I know we’re lucky to have someone willing to take us all away.
But I feel like we’re being held to ransom and the stubborn rebel in me wants to kick out and yell, ‘No, shan’t, you can’t make me.’
To add to my already less than favourable feelings towards next weeks travels, I’ve just had a letter from Miss E’s school saying that the absence will go on her record as unauthorised as the school’s;
…levels of authorised absence are above local and national levels and the school has been asked to do whatever is necessary to bring about a reduction in statistics.
Apparenty this was mentioned in the May Newsletter.
I checked.
It was.
So there’s nothing I can do.
When I read the May News Letter this part would have meant nothing to me as we had no intention of holidaying during school time because we don’t need to.
So I’m going away whether I like it or not, and Miss E will have 5 days unauthorised absences on her record and I am angry and upset and feeling all badly done to.
I’m in two minds whether to post this or not but I will because I’m so mad and I don’t want to feel like this.
I have visions of a holiday disaster like this…
“We came on holiday by mistake.”
(Withnail and I)
P.S. I promise I’m not evil.
We feel what we feel right?
And I feel pissed.
(You can tell I’m mad as I don’t usually swear.)
NB. I will calm down before I write my post tomorrow.
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September 21st, 2007 at 8:30 am
I would be quite angry, too. A free holiday is great, but not during school time. I guess things are different over here because I’ve never known of anyone in my 12 years of school to take a whole week off during the school term. Maybe a day or two at the most. But a week? Too much!
You are being a very understanding daughter in law to go ahead with this. I would tell my hubby’s mother to jump in the creek. Of course she would never offer to begin with, but still.
Good luck and try not to kill her!
September 21st, 2007 at 8:36 am
Phew I am not alone.
I had this vision of tumbleweeds blowing across my blog.
Thank you Blue Momma.
I feel a little better already.
September 21st, 2007 at 8:44 am
Oh my goodness Jo, I can’t believe you would thing you SHOULDN’T be angry about this.
THAT IS RIDICULOUS. See, my angry letters are on too. This sounds like something deliberately manipulative…
Oh. I would say things but I shouldn’t but know that you are not alone, I would be steaming mad.
I would say no. I would kick and scream and pound my fists and throw a tantrum the likes of which no one has ever seen.
September 21st, 2007 at 8:52 am
Thanks Cami. I needed that. x
September 21st, 2007 at 9:03 am
Oh, dear, you are so not alone. And you have every reason to be angry. I’m sorry if your MIL got her knickers in a knot, but it’s not fair to you to just barge in and do this without consultation. I’d feel overwhelmed and a little abandoned. We’re here for you, Jo, and you can rant all you want.
I can’t picture my MIL doing something like this, but she’s known from the start how I feel about raising TFYO. Although, I do know, that when she’s miniding TFYO, rules are pretty lax.
September 21st, 2007 at 9:05 am
This is really ridiculous! Sooo manipulative! Some people. Think they can do and say what they want and manipulate the lives of people around them simply because they’ve been around for long enough they’ve earnt the divine right!
September 21st, 2007 at 9:15 am
Jo Jo Jo Jo Jooooooo! I feel your pain – deeply. Believe me. You know how I get on with my mother in law (ie. not at all.)
You’ve every right to feel pissed off about this. REALLY pissed off. It’s manipulative, selfish, thoughtless behaviour. Your reaction is totally normal – who wouldn’t be annoyed?
I really hope you can work something out, a compromise or a cancellation or something. And the school absence thing takes the blumming (I love that word, thankyou!) biscuit. You work bloody hard to get your daughter to school, she never has days off ( as perfectly illustrated in your post the other day when you were wondering whether to send her in or not when you were all feeling ill) – and to have the unthinking actions of a silly old lady mucking with your relationship with the school – it’s UNACCEPTABLE. Aaaaghhhh. YOU’VE GOT ME ALL ANGRY NOW! I’M GOING TO GO AND RIP UP SOME UNSUSPECTING SHEEP AND TOSS THEM INTO A STREAM.
MYA X
September 21st, 2007 at 9:27 am
Jo, all I can say is what’s already been said. This is unacceptable behavior. It’s not my place to say anything, but I would send Mr. B right along, with a couple of nice pictures drawn by the granddaughters, and stay right where you are. You’re happy, the kids are happy, the school is happy. Mr B? Well, Mr B might want to have a talk with his mother about this and that, yes, it would have been nice if Jo and the girls were here, but as JO ALREADY TOLD YOU THIS JUST IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE AND HOW DID MY KEYS GO INTO ANGRY MODE LIKE THAT?
If this manipulative stuff doesn’t get nipped in the bud now it will go on forever. Take charge! Have Barbara peck her repeatedly the next time she visits (Barbara is the ostrich or emu, isn’t it? The lovely eyelash bird?).
September 21st, 2007 at 9:31 am
Um yeah, story of my life with my FIL. Until I told him to go fly a kite. Seriously, that man used to try to do stuff just like this. Take my kids to get their hair cut when I flat out said no. Fed my 6 month old Cheetos and koolaid for lunch. Taught my 4 year old to tell mommy to move her ass. Yeah, been there done that. Until I sat him down and flat out told him, “No more!” I told him that if he continued to defy my parenting that he would no longer be able to see the kids. My husband supported me, but didn’t have the nerve to confront his dad. We actually had to type out a list of “rules” that my FIL had to follow around the kids! And we have been on one vacation with the ILs and vowed never to do it again. They had their chance to be parents, it’s our turn now.
I feel your pain. I’m so sorry that you’ll have to endure that next week. I’d definitely make a point of letting her know how badly it’s going to reflect at school too.
September 21st, 2007 at 10:05 am
Thanks everybody. You are the best therapy ever.
And doing this has just stopped me from exploding at Mr B who has just got in.
We have had a quick chat and decided that she needs to know she can never do this again.
And if anything kicks off on the holiday I might just have to speak my mind.
Jen, thanks for the support sweetie.
Despina and PixelPi thanks for getting mad with me. And yes, Barbara is an ostrich, and she does have luscious lashes.
Mya I feel a little of your M-In-L pain too now. Leave the sheep alone though. You might get in trouble for that. xx
Lori, Oh my God, there is always someone worse off. I would go mad if anyone took my kid and got their hair cut without my say so. And teaching your 4 year old to say that was just rude.
Oooo I’m mad for you too.
September 21st, 2007 at 11:13 am
I suppose you’ll have to go now but I would make sure MIL knows that it’s under sufference and she should not take the initiative in the future – if you say you can’t go , you can’t go! I’m mad for you Jo!!!
September 21st, 2007 at 11:44 am
I think your blog rant is good Jo, best to get it out of your system as I know it has been building up for some time. Better that the letter from the school triggered your anger (justified I have to add) so that you can go mad now (are you going mad?) and not half way down the M1 on a crowded coach!
September 21st, 2007 at 11:46 am
PS Looking at all your internet entries today it appears you have been logging on and off since early this morning! You need a holiday!!!!
September 21st, 2007 at 12:17 pm
That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re having to face that.
Best,
OTJ
September 21st, 2007 at 12:27 pm
Thanks Akela. I’m getting calmer now. Coud be to do with the wine.
Ingenious hi sweetie. Yes it’s good to have a blog strop.
The wine has helped to.
I’ve had a real internet day today I think because I was feeling a bit low and needed happy thoughts.
I found lots.
Oh the Joys, welcome. I know there’s harder stuff to fae, but I hate family politics and I’m crappy at standing up for myself.
I’ll be calm by tomorrow. Honest…
Thanks you lot.
September 21st, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Jo, I hope you and the girls don’t come down with that awful barfing flu that comes out of both ends right before your trip. You know the one you wouldn’t want to share with everyone on the bus and certainly not with the ILs… but luckily, it seems to clear just in time for the kids to make it to school…
You know the one right? It’s horrid. It’s ruined many an unwanted holiday here
“So sorry we can’t make it, I am just so dissapoit… OMG the child just vomited all over the persian rug… gotta run!”
Just an idea I thought I’d throw out there.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Wow — you have every right to be upset. I have a MIL who uses eerily similar tactics to get what she wants.
And not to cause waves, but Mr.B could help more by taking more of the lead in things like this. He’s in a tough spot, trying to balance the wishes of a pushy mom versus his family, but it is HIS mom, after all. You shouldn’t feel alone in setting the groundrules. A gentle but firm conversation with MIL needs to occur. Good luck with everything.
September 21st, 2007 at 4:40 pm
You are in a terrible spot. I think that your mil is being terribly selfish. Is is possible to send Mr. B and Miss M, while you and Miss E remain at home so she can attend school? I feel the same way you do about missing school, and here the schools lose money when students are absent, so they would be quiet upset with a child out on vacation, especially when they have one the following week. Perhaps Miss E’s teacher will send you off with a packet of work she has to complete while you are away. That might help make the point to your mil.
This might be a good opportunity for her to spend some time with her granddaughters, while you and Mr. B get a little time away together, you know, dinner out, etc.
One thing we did while traveling with our children when they were young was to have a few goodies wrapped up that we gave them at points along the way. Things like stickers, a new pad of paper, a book you could read to them. Every so often when we needed somthing to help pass the time on an airplane, we would give them something to open.
I also doubt she can’t actually change the reservations for the following week, it might cost a penalty fee, but I think is could be done. If you have to go, try to make the best of it, nothing is worse than spending an entire week with someone and seething the entire time. It won’t do you any good. I hope you’ll be able to blog while you are away, it will help you get through the days – and on the selfish side, I’d miss you if you weren’t able to. Best of luck.
September 21st, 2007 at 5:10 pm
jo – I’m late to the show again, due to a late day at work, but…
First off I have to echo what everyone else is saying – YOU ARE SO NOT WRONG TO BE ANGRY. What she did was just plain wrong. WRONG, do you hear me?
And I have to say I agree with the comments about sending Mr. B as the token family rep and staying home with the girls yourself. For the record, I think bellevelma is a bloody genius with her idea. Brilliant.
Do you think you could pull it off??
As an aside, I’m so sorry you’ve been ill this year. I really had no idea at all.
Big hugs to you sweetie.
September 22nd, 2007 at 3:08 am
I was fuming too by the end of this post. It’s outrageous and I feel you’ve been too kind although I understand how you feel trapped.
Eight hours on a coach? Aaaargh.
The bottom line here is the children. To hell with what various adults want.
The kids’ education and welfare must come first.
You miss one week of schooling, okay not such a big deal. But suppose you then really do get the flu – suddenly the school term has been compromised.
Please don’t be hard on yourself – this situation is none of your making.
Ah, Withnail and I – one of my favourite movies. I suggest you watch this with a bottle of wine and chill out.
Good luck!
September 22nd, 2007 at 3:40 am
Belle I’d do it if I dared but she’d know I’m sure.
I don’t want to hurt her. Sometimes it’s like she’s like a little child.
Troy thanks. Me and Mr B had a chat last night and he does ‘get it’ now. We’re going to have a chat at the end of the holiday and tell her she can never do this again, but that we should plan any holidays together in future.
We’ve also decided we’re going to go in our car so that the girls are safe in their car seats, we can stop when we want and we’ll have a bit more freedom when we’re there.
I’m trying to be positive about it for the girls and make the best of it.
Mrs Weasley I went in to school yesterday and got E a couple of reading books, some spellings and her times tables, so we’ll be doing a little to keep her going.
I love your idea for the journey. We might do that if we get time. We normally get them a holiday prezzie so that would be a brill way to do it.
RC thanks hon. We’re all going to go but in a way that makes it most acceptable to us, ie. drive.
x
At least that way it will be a 5-6 hour journey instead of 8.
Thanks for the hugs too. I’m doing really well and improving all the time healthwise. Blogging has been a huge help and I wish I’d done it years ago.
September 22nd, 2007 at 3:44 am
Ahhh thank you Dumdad.
And I loooooove Withnail and I.
I think we may have to watch it tonight with some of that wine.
September 22nd, 2007 at 4:29 am
Do you think she would pay for me to come with? You know as a kinda sorta mediator? Just a thought. (I promise not to get drunk and stare at pretty Cornish girls.)
September 22nd, 2007 at 4:41 am
Napoleon I doubt it.
There’s room in the car with us if you want to pack a tent.
September 22nd, 2007 at 7:04 am
Jo – last as usual, so it’s all been said! However, found this site for you – might cheer you up a bit if you have time!
http://www.motherinlawstories.com/
Big hugs
x
September 22nd, 2007 at 9:06 am
Hi Jo – wow….I’ve been feeling your pain and the rebel in me wants to stand up with you shoulder-to-shoulder in defiance of your MiL. Mine used to throw some surprises onto me but not this bad.
I’m responsible for monitoring absences at our school – I think we should now have another category added to the register called MIL (Mother-in-Law Imposed Leave). Hope you’re less stressed now following all the support ~ shows it’s great to share
September 22nd, 2007 at 9:32 am
Ahh thanks English Mum. I’ll have a look at that later when the kids are in bed.
21st CM it is so good to share.
And I haven’t forgotten your poem. Lori’s is up today, I’ll try for yours tomorrow if I get chance with the packing etc.
September 22nd, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Why do people (read family members) feel that they have a right to organize our lives for us?
Then why do we have to feel bad because what they have organized for us does not fit in with what it is we want/need to do?
I feel for you Jo..I really do…when you come up with a solution please feel free to share it and I will ensure that you will then be knighted forthwith!