Mr B came home last night laden with gifts.
It wasn’t our anniversary.
We hadn’t had an argument.
He just saw something and thought of me.
Isn’t he nice?? (Well, sometimes anyway.)
You’re all excited now aren’t you?
What is it?
Wine?
Jewellery?
A holiday?
A new car?
(OK, you’re getting a bit too excited there if you think he’s just going to go out an buy me a car. Calm down will you?)
Right.
Here’s the bag…
Yay, chocolate.
So I open the bag, and find this.
Don’t they look lovely?
All elegant and grown up and sexy.
I give him a big kiss and place them carefully on the kitchen side to explore more thoroughly later.
When later comes, I carefully slide the top bar out of the ribbon.
I turn it over in my hands, admiring the sleek design.
Then I read the text, ‘The Purist, 100% Cocoa Bar’…
…and alarm bells ring. If you listen hard you’ll hear them. Go on, are you listening??
Now.
I love dark chocolate.
In a recent health kick I have dumped my beloved Cadbury’s Dairy Milk for 70% Cocoa chocolate, as a friend suggested I could get my chocolate kick with fewer calories this way as you only need a little to satisfy you.
She was right.
I love it, and I only need a few squares instead of a whole bar to give me that cosy, sweet chocolate love.
So Mr B saw the dark chocolate and thought of me.
BUT…
Have any of you tasted 100% Cocoa chocolate??
As a kid did you ever dip your finger in the Cocoa powder??
If so, you know what I’m talking about.
If not, erm, imagine dipping your tongue into warm tar.
You can imagine the taste right?
Bitter, gritty, and one that hangs around until you have a drink or eat something else??
If you’re still struggling, them imagine licking a slug. That’s how completely abhorrent the taste of Cocoa is.
So is 100% Cocoa chocolate any different?
No.
It makes me have to run around the kitchen going,
Me: “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
It makes Miss E spit in the sink then run round the kitchen going,
Miss E: “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
I have to quickly drink a glass of red wine while Miss E has a Haribo.
That’s how bad it is.
So anyway, I put Miss E to bed, then finish blogging and take the other bar into the sitting room to watch QI with MR B.
Here it is,
Don’t you just love the sleek design? And at 72% I know it will taste fine.
So I break a small piece off and slip it absent mindedly into my mouth.
And I wait for that smooth, velvety, bitter sweet chocolate hit…
Crunch.
Me: “Oh. That’s a bit, erm, I think I need a drink.”
Confused and distraught by the assault that has just befallen my tastebuds, I glance down at the packaging…
You: ahhhh.
Me: “Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
Can you believe it?
Mr B turns as two sizzling, dark, eye-shaped holes drill into the back of his head.
Mr B: “What?”
Me: “Did you read the writing on the chocolate you bought me dear, sweet, darling Mr B?”
Mr B: “Erm, not really. It’s just dark chocolate isn’t it?”
Me: “No, it’s not. This one has chilli and pink peppercorns in it.”
I turn the bar over and he looks in horror at the small pink circles that mottle the bar like in angry rash.
Mr B: “Eurghhhhhhh.”
Me: “Yes. And would you like to try the 100% Cocoa bar you got me too?”
Hearing the challenge in my voice, he grins and says,
Mr B: Yeah, go on then.”
I fetch him the beautiful packet. He breaks off a generous chunk and pops it into his mouth.
I watch.
He chews.
He gets that look on his face that I aways get after trying Guinness, the one he aways laughs at and says mockingly, ‘you have to drink a couple of pints Jo, then you’ll like it.’
Then he runs from the room and I hear his piece of chocolate heaven joining Miss E’s down the sink.
He returns to the room with a glass of brandy and sits down beside me.
Me: “Like it?”
NB. If anyone wants to try either of these chocolate delights, email me at jo@jobeaufoix.com and I will send them to you, first come, first served.
We only broke chunks off them, so you shouldn’t get lurgy.
You could even break the top bit off and get to the bits untouched by human hand if you’re worried. (I think that’s what I’d do.)
But if you do, you have to promise me to blog truthfully and honestly about how they taste…
Oh, and I nearly forgot.
I had another lovely prezzie yesterday from gorgeous Jen at A Snowballs Chance… who sent me this runners-up prize for her recent competition. I love Jen. However, I have a feeling this may actually have been a competition to find out who her most worrying stalkers are, and that RC, myself, my two cents, Willowtree and Dumdad may be arrested quite soon.
Ahh well.
It was worth it as now I have Jen’s address, mwaa ha ha ha haaaa.
(Not really Jen :D)
It’s so good to have that bit of contact from your blog buddies though.
I love my postcards from Cami, bra from English Mum and now my gifts from Jen.
So with that in mind I have decided to run a competition.
I already have the best prize ever to award you,
Isn’t it fabulous?
I will send the winner a brand spanking new, not even opened pack, and some Cadbury’s chocolate if I’m allowed.
Now all I need to do is come up with a competition…
***********************************************
One last thing.
I am so sorry I have gotten sooooo behind in all my blog reading.
I will do better next week, I promise.
I presume he will read the labels properly next time he decides to treat you??? LOL
Aw, give the guy a break! He meant well. That’s gotta count for something, right? ;o)
Oh, and I’m in it to win it where a mullet wig is concerned. Hurry up and think of a contest. I’ll be all over it!
Sorry. I said mullet wig because my hubby was just showing me a costume catalog. He wants one of those mullet wigs so bad!
I meant mullet game. It looks hilarious!
But Hotel Chocolat is such heaven! Don’t give it away!! Cook with it. I’ll agree eating the 100% pure was a bad baaaaad idea. But cook with it. Use it for a chocolate sauce, or mousse or something. The chilli one - add a couple of squares next time you make chilli con carne, sounds weird but really works. Oh dear, beginning to sound like Delia. Right, must go, the rugby’s about to start - soo many sportsmen, so little time … ;o) Ooh and thanks for the link!
Oh, I’m so with you on the 100% cocoa. You just can’t eat that stuff… melt it down and you might have something you can work with though.
I have to say, though, I’m a huge fan of chocolate and chillis. CableDad brings tht sort of stuff home all the time. mmmm. I also like chocolate with the nibs.
Is Mr B trying to put you off chocolate? It could be a cunning plan….meanwhile…Belle’s idea to cook with it is great. You could try the Nigella Express recipe that I saw on her programme last week. Get yourself some ready-made puff pastry and cut out some triangles. Place a piece of your 100% raw cocoa in the middle. Then make a few twists to make it look like a croissant. Bung it in the oven in accordance with the puff pastry cooking instructions and hey presto you should have yourself a freshly baked chocolate croissant.
On holiday this year I forced Pickle and Picklessister to eat fudge in a shop, not having read the sugn on it which said “Lime and Chilli Flavour”, bad Mummy!
Jo - I always put a little chocolate in my veggie chili, along with a shot of cinnamon. I bet what you have would taste great, either one, but especially the 100% dark. It would probably also make some kick butt brownies. Mr. B gets points for being a nice boy, but needs to read the fine print a little better.
And I have to say I’m relieved that I’m not the only one behind in blog reading. It’s just been a crazy week!
I remember them having chili chocolate in the movie Chocolat…they all seemed to love it if I remember rightly..maybe they lied? :O
At least the thought was there Mr B
I have a delicious brownie recipe that uses unsweetned chocolate. I am not sure how this will translate to metric, but I’ll write it out and you can have a try.
Melt four squares unsweetned chocolate. (Over here squares are 1 ounce each. I am sure you could find out the metric conversion somewhere…) Anyway, melt the chocolate with 1 1/2 sticks of butter, (a stick being eight tablespoons, or half a cup, or 1/4 lb., if any of that converts). Remove from heat and stir in two cups sugar and mix well. Add 1 teaspoon of vanilla and three eggs. (Ok, the eggs at least don’t need a metric conversion!) Then mix in 1 cup of flour. Pour into a greased 9 x 11 inch pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
On second thought, it might be easier if you sent me the chocolate and I made you the brownies and sent them back!!! Oh well. Yes, unsweetened chocolate is not pleasant, but oooh, once you add milk and sugar…yummmmm!
I love contests, and Cadbury chocolates, so I am ready and waiting!!!
oh man….that is just wrong….so very wrong…….bad…bad present.
Points for effort, though. I bought Mrs. T (a self-proclaimed choco-holic) a gigantic bar of dark chocolate once, only to discover it was for cooking. Still, I don’t get the chili and pink peppercorns, though. That weirds me out.
Akela, he’d better do. Hee hee. It was a nice surprise though, at first.
Avery they are hilarious. I think all my mates might be getting them for Christmas.
Belle, chocolate mousse sounds fab. Might have to try it.
And yay, we won the football and the rugby.
Cablegirl, hmmm, perhaps it was the pink peppercorns that made it so bad. It was just such an odd and unexpected combination…
Maybe I’ll get used to it??
21st CM, that sounds yum. Must get some puff pastry.
Picklesmum, hee hee hee hee. I bet they don’t ask for things in shops as often now. Might have to try that one.
RC, I will try that. When you say a little, how much would you say??
And I’ve had a mad week with blog reading and Cre8buzz. I just haven’t been able to fit everything in.
I feel so guilty though. I need to make myself a new blog reading timetable (yes I had one of those.) That way I read everyone, but also see my husband.
Mad Goat Lady that film was fab. Johnny Depp, yum.
And your right, the thought was there.
Mrs W, that recipe sounds gorgeous. What kind of flour do I use, plain or self-raising?? (I don’t cook many cakes, can you tell??)
Corey, LOL, it was like a strange torture.
Troy, it weirds me out too.
Hope you’re feeling better.
That reminds me of how I used to beg my mother to give a square of the unsweetened baking chocolate she used to make a chocolate sheet cake when I was a kid. She always said I wouldn’t like it but I begged, begged, begged until she gave in. And of course, she was right. It was awful.
Bellevelma, I remember doing that. Even mil cooking chocolate is kind of unpleasant isn’t it?
I don’t think Miss E will be begging me for more though.
I use plain flour. They are best eaten warm, too.
Mmm thanks Mrs W. Can’t wait.
Nooooooo! Chocolate desecration! Hotal Chocolat should be reported to the RSPCC imediately! (Royal Society for the Prevent of Cruelty to Chocolate). Chilli? Peppercorns?
‘A combination which really works’…???
As what? A gift for people you don’t like?! You have my sympathies. Bad chocolate is much worse than no chocolate.
Can’t wait for the mullet comp…really need to win that game (if only to check if any of my old class mates are in it).
Well, I one of those strange ones that likes chili and chocolate but I have to admit, the peppercorns gave me pause. Why do folks have to overdo stuff…chile would be enough; 80% cocoa is enough but no sense in going further…
However I do have a recipe for chili that has chocolate in it…
I think he owes you a redo of the gift giving!
I wouldn’t know what to do with the peppercorn one, but with the 100% one, I think I would melt it down into hot chocolate, and add a lot of sugar with the milk.
Oh, the chocolates really are SO sexy! I’m sorry they were so… inedible. :-0
Dear Englishmum, I’m still pondering the Mullet comp.
And today Mr B bought me good chocolate so all is forgiven.
Leendaluu I’m going to do choc chilli tomorrow.
I’m a bit scared.
Heffalump, mmmn, that’s another thing I’d like. Ooo so many choices.
Brill, they were sexy weren’t they.
At least I enjoyed the packaging.
jo - for a regular size family pot of chili one square should do it. two would be fine too.
I for one think that it was a fine gift, Mr B.
In fact, I have sampled some of that chocolate myself and found it to be a most agreeable indulgence. It would be an even more enjoyable experience, I fancy, when taken with a tumbler of your excellent single malt.
Top-ho!
RC we tried it. It was really nice, but the pink peppercorns were still a bit yucky.
Napoleon, I will save you some.
And then I want to watch you eat it. If you don’t pull some kind of face you can have Mr B’s special drumming gloves. I know you secrety covet them.
You’re on, old girl!
(Not bothered about the gloves though.)
I have no idea how I missed this post seven days ago, Jo. I’m so sorry! I think I actually would have liked the chili and pink peppercorns in small doses. But I like mole (pronounced molay), which is a Mexican sauce made with chile peppers and chocolate. Very savory and spicy. I’m weird. And, again, I’m so glad you got the trinkets in one piece.
Napoleon, less of the old.
I will save it for you. I promse.
Jen, I put some of the choc in a chilli and it was really nice, but the peppercorn’s were a bit too much.
Anyway, you’re pregnant. You’re bound to like weird stuff.