I don’t know how it happened.
It is a mystery.
Maybe it was small green beings from another planet?
Perhaps some kind of ‘anti-ostrich outfit manipulation’ society?
Or even the ‘Beaufoix Conspiracy Theory Body’ who believe I have sold my soul to a Jaffa Cake??
But…
..somehow, (I have no idea when, or where, or by whom), somehow, I have been biologically altered.
There has been an insertion, an addition, and probably some might say, a perfection of my left cheek, and we’re talking my face here you lot, nothing else. You see, it seems I have developed an off switch.
Yes.
I said ‘ an off switch.’
If it weren’t for Miss M I may never have discovered this. Thank God for small children.
We’re lying on her bed. I’m reading her that book again. I’ve just got to the bit where we assert that ‘a pretty dress is no good at all’, when M pokes me in the cheek.
I look at her, eyebrows raised, then carry on.
Me: “The not so perfect princess has…”
Miss: “No. No. I turning you off mummy. I press de button.”
Me: ” ”
(It’s so cool how 3 year olds have the power to make their parents do almost anything they want isn’t it? Why do we lose that power? I would love to still have that power. Sighhhh.)
Miss M cackles with glee. I point to the book, hinting that we should continue, so Miss M pokes my rght cheek, and I begin again.
Me: “The not so…”
Again she presses the off button. Then she quickly flicks the ‘on switch’ that seems to be situated on my right cheek.
Me: “..perfect princ”
Miss M: “I turn you off mummy. Hee hee hee. Haa haa haa. Mwah ha ha haaaaa.”
And I look at my little girl, and see there is something else in her eyes other than the cute twinkle that is usually there.
My just turned 3 year old has realised there is more to this game than it being funny, or cute, or silly.
My tiny girl has realized that there is power. She has the power to turn me off. When I am turned off, I cannot finish the story, I cannot tell her ‘night night’, and I cannot say the words, ‘Okay M. Sleep time now. Time to stop the game.’
I go cold with fear as I realise what this means.
While she is in control of my ability to articulate, I am stuck. I cannot leave. She can keep me there as long as she wants!
Oh the fear, the terror. I look helplessly from Minnie Mouse, to the fluffy black dog situated below Miss M’s right arm. M is giggling and singing and I am a little scared. Several more times Miss M frees me from my silence to continue with the story, but each time we turn a new page she presses the button and I am once again rendered speechless.
After 2 minutes it’s cute.
After 5 minutes it gets a little annoying.
After 10 it gets worrying. So I formulate a plan. The next time M prods me in the side of my face and shouts, “Off, off” gleefully, I poke myself in the right cheek, jump up from her bed and run away.
God I’m good.
And talking of good, I recently had an email from some people, and I thought what they had to say was kind of important because it’s an opportunity to ‘big up’ some mums. Mums who are doing something for themselves, who have ventured out into, well, let’s face it, what is pretty much still a male dominated world, and built a little niche for themselves…
I’m talking about the ‘Inspirational Business Mum of the Year Award’, which is run by Prowess, who in their own words are;
“..a network of organisations and individuals who support the growth of women’s business ownership. Our work encompasses raising awareness, sharing of best practice, advocacy and information.”
Have a look at the site if you get chance. It is full of useful facts and advice on how to start and grow your business, and is tailored specifically to the challenges business mums face.
The competition is sponsored by Yell.com, who have completed a study, ‘Mum Magnates’ which found that:
‘40 percent of ‘Mum Magnates’ get the idea to start a business whilst pregnant, or within a year of their baby being born.’ (So it seems we’re having some inspirational kids. 
)
‘92 percent attribute their success to skills they develop after becoming a mother such as multi-tasking, planning, efficiency, and baby poop.’ (Can you tell which one was my own little addition??)
‘Business Mums are well connected and a quarter are in weekly contact with supportive groups.’ (Well we all know about that right? I mean, we have the most supportive community here I could imagine, as well as places like myspace, facebook, and cre8buzz.)
‘The internet is playing a key role with mums who start their own businesses.’ (I am so not surprised at this.)
Any mums out there who would like to enter, are interested in the research, or just looking for advice can visit www.bizmums.yell.com to find out more.
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January 27th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Oh, Miss M is such a cutie! Although, a three year old who has discovered power can be a bit scary, if memory serves me correctly.
January 27th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
the desire for power….the end of innocence?
be scared,Jo Beaufoix. be very very scared.
January 27th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Mrs Weasley, I have yet to see if she tries it on her daddy. If she does, we’ll know she has a taste for it. Shiver.
Laurie, I am soooo scared.
January 27th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I would have those on and off buttons removed immediately and inform Miss M that they are no longer there, even if she insists that she can still see them. I am afraid that the lure of power will go to her pretty little head and before you know it, it will spill over into other areas of life and you will all be held captive by her every whim. There is nothing worse than a 3 year old tyrant. Be very weary!
January 27th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I have learned from the error of your ways, and I will never, ever have a working on/off switch. Thank you!
Hey… I just wanted to say hello, because we haven’t “talked” in ages.
January 28th, 2008 at 1:10 am
I can so relate to this.
Sugar so likes to come up with things like this. Those two together….could be REALLY scary.
have a great week.
January 28th, 2008 at 3:49 am
thank GOD you came out of this alright. she could have shut you off for good. i couldn’t have that.
[although 10 minutes? you have *much* more patience than i have. i think i remember calling it good at 5 on a similar game. cuz i was tired!]
January 28th, 2008 at 10:03 am
The off switch – funny. Too bad we don’t have those for the kids!
January 28th, 2008 at 11:16 am
I wouldn’t mind so much them having an off switch for us if we could just use the mute button on them at times. Or at least the volume control.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Irene, I have had them removed and Miss M will be kept on a short leash for a while.
Deb, I like to educate. Have a fab time in Egypt and Turkey. Hope to catch up soon.
Corey, imagine? It would be scary, but sooooo funny.
Holl, I am such a sucker. I bet the thrower will get you too though. You don’t think they’ll get you second time around but they do.
Art, it would be so useful wouldn’t it. Big sighhh.
RC, mute and volume would be fabulous. The volume especially. Maybe we could invent something??
January 29th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I don’t know who’s more clever…her or your good self.
Hee hee hee…