Today Miss M has gas.
She is producing more methane than a large cow on a diet of baked beans, brussel sprouts and lentils washed down with beer and fizzy stuff.
In fact, she smells ‘like a polecat‘ as Mr B would say, and if you’re not sure whether or not smelling like a polecat is a good or a bad thing, the polecat is also known as ‘Mustela Putorius’. Need I say more?
It always amazes me how such bad, bad things can come from such little bodies. I think Miss M could quite possibly be part tardis. There is no other way to explain the size of these untoward emissions.
Either that, or there is some kind of interdimensional door inside her that allows otherworldly fumes to pass through my small child and into my living room.
Of course the other possibility is that she is a little constipated, so I have been feeding her oranges in the hope that she erm, explodes empties herself sometime during the night, and not in the soft play area at Nursery School tomorrow.
While I was bathing E and M tonight I decided to investigate a little further and questioned my little girl as to whether or not she had ‘dropped the kids off at the pool’ today.
Miss M: “My poo didn’t come Mummy.”
Me: “Oh dear. Does your tummy hurt?”
Miss M: “Yes an dats because my poo is asleep.”
Miss E: “Snort.”
Me: “It’s asleep?”
Miss M: “Yes. It close-id its eyes and it gone to sleep.”
Me: “Ohhhh.”
I grin at Miss E and she giggles at her little sister. I turn to make room for another towel on the radiator .
Miss M: “Look E. See, it asleep in my bum bum.”
I turn round to see Miss M pointing her butt at her helpless sister, who doesn’t know whether to humour her and take a peek, or look away. Instead she looks at me, grins, shakes her head, and utters the word, “Kids.”
P.S. Miss M started Nursery today and it was a bit tough so keep your fingers crossed for us tomorrow.
And, nightmare,my camera has died. I have no idea why. So I couldn’t Fun Monday today as it involved a photo of my bedside table and me being organized. So apologies to the fabulous AOJ & the Lurchers, and go check out the participants if you get chance. They’re a great bunch.
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January 28th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Oh Squidge has been trumping for England. I’m taking some serious cheek slapping farts!! Glad to see she’s not the only one
January 28th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
eeer I ment to say TALKING
January 28th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Oh my God Lindy. That second comment just made me choke. Hee hee hee.
January 28th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
something about those tiny girls. K has been other the weather and producing the most noxious odors.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Better a pole cat than a pole dancer, yes?
January 28th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Cami, hope K is okay. Smelly children. Tsk.
Miss Burrows, hmmm, yes. Id rather she didn’t smell like a pole dancer.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Ah yes, the lovely smell of constipated children. for the past couple of days MJ has been smelling like something crawled up her butt and died. Oooeeee. Not fun.
Good luck with Nursery school.
January 28th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Ethan’s favorite subject–poop. He would do the exact same thing!
Too funny!
January 28th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Hope all is well now. I’m so glad you resisted the use of the post title `Emission Impossible’.
My thoughts are with you all, Jo ….
January 28th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
fennel tea. it works for boscoe, it’ll work for Miss M.
January 28th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
“… it asleep in my bum bum…” RTFLMAO…
January 29th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Cablegirl, it’s so bad isn’t it? And Miss M is running a high temperature so I kept her off today. I feel bad as it’s only her second day, but I don’t want to set her up for a fall.
Avery, poop is just funny. Gross, but funny. And your blogger was bad last night. It wouldn’t let me leave all the comments I wanted to. Bad blogger.
Hee hee, David. You are brilliant at thinking up clever post titles.
Fennel Tea? I will try it. Thanks Laurie.
Art, we aim to please.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:52 am
i got back in the car yesterday after dropping the thrower off at childminders. i turned to queen of hearts and said “have you been farting in my car?!”
she said “um, no, maybe it just smelled this way before and you didn’t notice.”
i said “nice try. clamp it, sister.”
January 29th, 2008 at 4:18 am
“dropped the kids off at the pool” OMG!! I think I have just wee’d myself laughing!!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Holly, I love you. Hee hee.
AOJ, do you need a tissue??
January 29th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Here’s hoping the poo gets a good solid rest and then wakes up, ready to roll!
Fun, fun post, Jo!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Xander had a bit of constipation too! And we had many lovely discussions over the course of those few days!
January 29th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
oh my….I love baby farts. we call them toots here…and Sugar is a tooting queen. LOL
Your Miss M…is funny with her little interpretations of what her body is doing. sleeping poop….too funny.
and miss E with her, “kids” comment. adorable.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Thanks San. Miss M has finally produced. We are soooo pleased.
Lori, it’s such a joy isn’t it? All the poop, and the gas, and the grossness. Sigh.
Corey, it’s so funny. How can such a sound/smell come from such tiny people?