Today I was a bad mummy.
Well, maybe not bad, but kind of naughty…ish.
You see, Miss E wanted a sausage roll for dinner, and I absently, in that, ‘I’m not really listening’ kind of way, said, “yeah, that’ll probably be ok.”
Then I looked in the fridge and there before me was the fresh pasta that was waiting to be slung in some boiling water along with some frozen veg, then mixed with the Tomato and Mascarpone Sauce, and ladled onto our plates as tonight’s dinner. That had been my plan. (You wish you were eating at my house now don’t you?)
To be honest I needed easy tonight. I needed one meal that everybody would eat, that I wouldn’t have to think about, and that would mean I could catch up on some blog reading instead of spending the next forty minutes to an hour peeling, chopping, timing and well let’s face it, to be honest, cooking.
So here were my options;
1. Pasta and veg with sauce.
2. Sausage rolls with??? oven chips and beans for E and M. Quorn burger for me. Something meaty for Mr B.
1 = easy.
2 = annoying.
So,
Me: “E, we’re having pasta tonight babe. I forgot. I’ll stick you a sausage roll in your lunch box for school tomorrow.”
Miss E: “But I want sausage roll.”
Me: “I know sweetie, but I’d forgotten I was doing pasta tonight.”
Miss E: “But I don’t want pasta. I want sausage roll. You said I could have sausage roll.”
Me: “I know hon. I’m sorry. But it’s easier for mummy if we all eat the same.”
She runs into the room. Tears and anger are coming. I can see it.
Miss E: “No. I want sausage roll. You said I could have it. I don’t want pasta. I won’t eat it.”
Me: “Look E. I said I’m sorry, but I’m cooking pasta. I haven’t got anything for daddy to have if you have sausage rolls and I’m not cooking three different meals tonight. I’m too tired.”
Miss E: “Shout, bawl, wail, I won’t eat it. I want sausage roll, blah blah, blah.”
I wince. I’m getting cross here and I don’t need the noise and the drama and the foot stamping and the brattiness.
Me: “E, I’m not arguing. I don’t want to hear any more of that noise. I’m cooking pasta and you will eat it. I gave you a good reason why. Now that’s the end of it.”
Miss E: “Well it’s not a good reason for me.”
And I look at her, my seven year old, with the crumpled, tear streaked, frowning face, the crossed arms hugging her body, and the foot poised ready to stamp. And I do the worst thing any parent can do in this situation…
I laugh.
I can’t help it. She just looks so funny and livid and stubborn, and I see so much of me in her that I giggle, and snort and even though I turn away, she catches me.
Miss E: “Stop laughing.”
My shoulders shake, I hide my face but this kid has a brain, she knows her mummy is guffawing silently at her, and blimey does it make her mad. She lunges at me yelling, “Leave me alone, leave me alone.”
And as she lashes out at me with small hands, not quite daring to make contact, but unable to stop herself, I giggle more, I can’t help it. It just seems so absurd. This little bird flapping at me then ducking away like a featherweight in the ring teasing an opponent, only this one doesn’t fight back.
Me: “I’m not going near you E. Snort. You’re the one that keeps coming at me. Hiccup. Stop it. Go and calm down.”
But she keeps on coming.
Then she spots her money box on the worktop. It contains £9 which she has saved over the past few weeks. She needs £15 and then she can buy the ‘Puppy in my Pocket’ playset she has had her eye on since Christmas.
I smile to myself, relieved at her momentary calmness, but taking this as a further challenge, she yells,
“You can keep the money. I don’t want it. Have it.”
And storms from the room.
What do I do?
Any guesses?
Do I give her a few minutes to clam down then take her her money and give her a hug?
Do I let her calm down then come back into the kitchen so we can have a chat about it all?
No, and, erm, nope.
I laugh, harder.
I can’t help it. In fact, I’m nearing hysteria.
Seriously folks, I wish grown ups did this. I mean, can you imagine?
PC WORLD – Sales person: “You’re wrong, Microsoft is not an evil boil on the bottom of technology. You can keep the blooming laptop. I don’t want it. It’s yours, take it.”
MERCEDES – The manager: “It is not nicer in silver than blue. Go on, take the car, see if I care.”
Sighhhhh.
(P.s. She got the giggles, calmed down and ate her pasta. I didn’t get to keep the dosh though. Boo.)
Oh, and one more thing…
Looking forward to a drink and a chat tonight. xx
Oh, and one other thing.
I’ve just signed up for Earth Day over at Seattle Mom Blogs . April 22nd 2008 is Earth Day, and I will be blogging a little about the environment and changes I will be making to aid the environment and build a better future for my kids, or at least stop stuff getting any worse.
Seattle Moms say;
“For the next week leading up to Earth Day the blogging mothers of Seattle are inviting women across the blogosphere to talk about the great green steps you’re taking in your lives.
Did you switch to aluminum-free deodorant and want to tell everyone how well your memory is holding up and how sweet you smell? Do you want to brag about cutting down the amount of trash you throw away each week? Did you buy an organic apple last night and you can’t wait to tell everyone how eco-chic you are? Did you recently burn your son’s favorite character t-shirt in front of his sobbing eyes because you found out it was made in a sweatshop? Maybe you’re struggling to find the right changes and you want to ask for some direction.
Whatever your position in this wonderful and complex movement towards health and global well-being, we want to hear from you!
Take a minute over the next 7 days to blog about your own greenishness as part of our Countdown to Earth Day. Grab the banner code for your post and tell us your successes and failures so we can all learn together. Then come back to the SMB site and leave a link on that day’s green post so everyone can come read at your site and get excited about what you’re doing.
Over here in Seattle-land we’ll be blogging about some of our favorite green experiences, products and resources with several awesome giveaways. Each commenter on a giveaway post will be entered to win. Each blogger who participates by writing on their own site and adding their link on a giveaway post will be entered twice.”
Come and join us. And if you’re looking for tips on going green, visit 21st Century Mummy at her site, The Rubbish Diet to pick up some fabulous hints and tips.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:25 am
Oh, I so understand this! I have to try and not laugh on many occasions when my 4 1/2 year old throws a fit. Like it’s going to change my mind. I always tell her that I’m going to throw a temper tantrum when I don’t get my way and start stomping around and yelling and crying. She looks at me like I’ve completely lost it : ) But it usually derails the tantrum for a moment.
April 16th, 2008 at 8:41 am
I’ve been in this exact spot Jo. I’d say you won’t believe the way K can behave and the ensuing laughter I try to hold at bay, but obvioulsy you’ve just written it…
April 16th, 2008 at 8:49 am
You know…
I don’t think you’re a bad mother for laughing. I laugh at Punkin every single time she tries to have a temper tantrum because a 16 month old child having a fit about something like ‘Mommy won’t give me the telephone’ cracks me right up. (Which is probably worse than you laughing at your child who speaks. Mine is freaking out because she doesn’t have the words to tell me I’m a huge asshole yet.)
Anyhow, my point is, laughter often will diffuse a situation that can keep escalating and getting uglier. If you had a choice between starting to laugh at her, and starting to yell because you were losing your patience – you chose the better ‘bad mummy’ moment, I think. And I think when she grows up, she’ll be glad you laughed at her instead of losing your cool too.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Laugh away! I do! Sometimes, you just can’t help it. It is hilarious when they act all huffy and mad, like mini versions of ourselves, or like we did when we were younger.
Plus, sausage roll doesn’t even sound good.
Seriously – what is a sausage roll?!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:32 am
I wonder if that will work on a 13 year old?
Not that she has had a tantrum, yet…
but I wonder…
April 16th, 2008 at 10:39 am
That’s the answer, right there! No more shouting…I’ll just laugh at her! You’re brilliant!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Hi Jo – much to Miss E’s expense I have just had such a giggle sharing the moment with you. 21st C Dad has just walked in and asked me what I’m laughing about…hee…hee. You’re not a bad mother at all. Indeed my reputation is on the line since my 6yr old and his 3yr old accomplice have nicknamed me the mummy monster. Anyway, thanks for the plug about The Rubbish Diet. I promise I will send you your Rubbish Audit straight away, so that you can fill it in and get prepared. If anyone else wants to join in and have a go at slimming their own bins, please email me at karen@therubbishdiet.co.uk. I am always happy to help people reduce their waste. P.S. Happy birthday Rosie xxxxx
April 16th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Oh I openly laugh at Squidge all.the.time! She’ll be in therapy in her 30’s- that’s after drinking her 20’s away!
April 16th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Laughter usually turns out to be the best medicine. When my boys were in a sulk I used to sing the song “Smile” to them and I never got past the first line before they’d be in stitches and all sulks forgotten!
April 16th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
ermmmm. what’s a sausage roll? I don’t understand how it can compare to the pasta…
Ani is my diva…she flails about and throws herself dramatically on the floor and I do the same as you. I laugh. My Arse off.<—new diet trick.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I’m soooooooooo hungry.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Oh thank you Jo for my blog birthday card, how amazing and a lovely surprise. You have given me an interesting hairstyle Jo, and also you know I’m a natural blond! Thanks for coming round, hope you didn’t fall over on the way home or spill your bottle of wine! xxx
April 16th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
PS Thank you 21st Century Mummy xx
April 16th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
jo, why are you blogging about an event that has happened in *our* house? oh and it wasn’t pasta and sausage rolls. it was broccoli vs. chocolate pudding. please get it right.
seriously, though, how many times? and i was hoping the explanations would get more to-the-point rather than a half-hour’s back-and-forth banter.
i swore i would never say “because i said so!”
now i wish i had the dimes. for the times.
sigh.
oh and THANK GOD i now can tell everyone about the organic apples AND BANANAS i accidentally I MEAN PURPOSELY bought the other day.
April 16th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I definitely want to eat at your house! I’ll bring dessert. Don’t forget the sausage roll in her lunch tomorrow!
April 16th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
You cruel woman you! You had me giggling away. I have done this so many times – when it would be FAR easier to give ‘em what I inadvertently promised and just make the pasta for me and hubby. Still, I suppose I’ll learn. Probably when they have left home.
I always end up cooking different meals.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
tee hee……I have so been there. well the laughing when I am not supposed to. It is so hard when they are so cute being mad.
fun post.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:38 am
oh you are a very bad mummy! Fancy laughing at your baby girl, I would *never* do such a thing. Oh excuse me, I can’t write for longer, my nose keeps banging into the screen. He he heee
ps can I come for pasta? I could throw in a tantrum too if you like?
April 17th, 2008 at 8:58 am
Jo, you’re very naughty! But we’ve all been there. Two of mine, J and T, are getting a little too big to laugh at now. They’d probably punch me if I laughed during a ‘mental’.
Laugh-out-load entry by the way. Really cheered me up after a crap day at work.
Kisses.
April 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Hey Jo, thanks for the Earth Day shout-out. Hey, the link you left on the seattle mom blogs site isn’t working. Do you mind stopping back by and re-doing it? I can’t figure out where it’s supposed to go. Cheers!
April 17th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Shame you didn’t get to keep the dosh, though.
And, I sympathise TOTALLY with the not wanting to cook separate meals for every member of the household. It’s a home, not a ***** restaurant.
Not laughing is a skill I have yet to master (especially when visiting your blog!)
Mya x
April 17th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Yum! That pasta sounds delicious! Even if it comes with a side of giggles.
But, what the heck is a sausage roll? That’s what I call my belly when it lops over the top of my pants.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Hi Erin. We have this advert in the UK where a kid starts tantruming in the middle of a shop, so the mum gets down on the floor and screams too. I love that ad.
Cami, they are so funny aren’t they? When they get that look on their face where you know you are n big trouble. Snort.
Thalia’s Child, you are so lovely. And you’re right, it was better than yelling at her. Punkin sounds hilarious, 16 months is such a cute age. My niece baby J is 18months and she has little tantrums and I laugh every time. Quietly, to myself, of course.
Sybil it is funny. And I’ll explain sausage rolls for you tomorrow.
Mie, your kid has reached 13 and not had a tatrum? I am amazed. You must be one cool mum. It’s not too late though.
Kim, yay me. ;D (I have been watching far too much ‘Suite Life of Zac and Cody’ with Miss E.
21st CM, hooray, it’s good to laugh. And I got your email and have printed it off for a good read. I’ll reply properly soon but I have a ton of stuff to do tonight and have also just had to take my neighbours dead cat round to them. I found it in the road. So sad.
Lindy, if they are funny we have to laugh right? It would be rude not to.
Akela, that’s lovely. I’ll have to remember that one.
Lee, that is a great idea for a diet. You should right a book. People would buy it. I would buy it.
Maria, I’ll send you a sausage roll.
Rosie, it’s a pleasure, and me, spill my wine? Never.
Holly, u=you are my green mentor. Snort. Are you green? I always imagined you as kind of pink. Hmmm. I will see.
Mrs Weasley, any time you’re in the UK you can come and play. I promise. And yes, she took her sausage roll to school and was a very happy monkey.
Crazycath, hee hee. I’m a mean mummy. To be honest though, I normally cook different meals as I’m veggie, Mr B is a meat eater, and the girls like really plain stuff. I’m hoping to find a way to bribe them into eating the same as us. I don’t hold out much hope though. Sighhh.
Corey, the scary thing was, it was like mad freakish laighter and I couldn’t stop. It was like when you’re at school and you know you shouldn’t laugh but that just makes it worse.
Belle, you can come for pasta anytime. Hope your nose s ok.
Darren, ahh, now I have a name for it. ‘Throwing a mental.’ And I always thought J and T were perfect.
Glad you had a laugh. You’ve given us plenty over the years. x
Bananas, I am such a div. I’ve redone it, and eve then it goes to an old post. At least I’ve learned something though.;)
Mya, thanks babe. I have the same problem at yours. Mwah.
Momo, all will be revealed my sweet.
October 7th, 2009 at 3:37 am
I laughed out loud at this tantrum post. I’m glad i’m not the only one. When they get soooo upset and come at you (wihtout actually hitting or scratching) it’s just so expressive. and funny.