I forgive easily. At least I think I do. I suppose it comes down to who did what, and why.
If I LOVE you I am more likely to forgive you, to find motives for your actions, reasons for the hurt, or the thoughtlessness or the misunderstanding.
If I LIKE you I might be a little pi**ed off with you for a bit, but generally after a while I’ll be ready to move on. It is very rare that you will know this, the me being mad at you, as I hide stuff. I’m a bit crappy at showing that I’m angry, unless I’m married to you or I gave birth to you, then I can lay it all on the table.
But if I DON’T LIKE you *, or if I don’t know you and you hurt me when you have no idea who I am, when there is no fathomable reason for your actions apart from being a generally unpleasant human being, then I don’t forgive very easily. I dwell, I fester, I give it far too much time and thought. I run conversations through my head about what I should have said/what I would would like to say/what I hope somebody else will say to you. I become indignant and angry and irascible, and then I get even more annoyed because you have caused these feelings in me and I do not want them.
I know these feelings are mine really. I own them, I nurture them. I have to find a way to let them go. I am working on it.
So I have learnt something about me in writing this. I don’t forgive easily. Not when I feel there has been injustice.
And I never forget.**
* There aren’t many people I don’t like. Honest. I like most people unless they give me real reason not too. Like if they throw raspberries at small defenseless sparrows, or go round spreading rumours about muskrats. I would not like people who did that.
** That sounds really bad doesn’t it? I suppose I mean I never forget if you really hurt me. I will be wary. But that’s normal right?
*** Please note, I am using the Holl style of referencing. She won’t mind because I gave her ice cream.
This post was written in response to fabulous David’s question, “Do you believe in forgive and forget.” If you want to join in, link to David’s blog so he can come over and say hi. You won’t regret it.
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June 8th, 2008 at 10:54 am
My wife always says: ‘It works if you work it, so work it, your worth it‘.
And you even kept your promise – at least I don’t see any nudity. If there where: I would have forgiven you
June 8th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I could have written this – I’m pretty good at forgiving some pretty big stuff if it’s someone I love. If someone outside my family has slighted one of us I tend to hold viscious grudges forever…
June 8th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
I was with you for the most part! I always forgive, sometimes don’t forget but will be wary of such people! I pretty much feel sad and sorry for nasty people! Which never ceases to annoy my family and friends if there has been an injustice! I do believe to fester on the nastiness of others is to manifest unhappiness in yourself. Karma plays a very large part in my way of thinking so I try to keep my outward thoughts happy, even towards people I cannot fathom!
Great post, got me thinking a bit!
June 8th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
You speak for so many people, Jo. Thank you for taking part.
You and Holly must be twins, separated at birth!!
June 9th, 2008 at 1:50 am
RennyBA, wise words from your wife. Hee hee.
Don Mills Diva, it’s funny, I didn’t realise it till I wrote it. I thought I was much more forgiving.
Karisma, I want to be more like you. I’m working on it.
David, thanks for the inspiration. And me and Holl should be twins. She’s amazing.
June 9th, 2008 at 7:09 am
I am the master of holding a grudge. At least that’s what my husband says!
June 9th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Great post… I think I am just like you; family is one thing, but strangers or out and out mean people? I don’t forgive OR forget easily.
June 9th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Great post. I have the memory of an elephant too…
I think if you give Holly ice cream you should be able to plagiarise her style as much as you want. I might bribe her the same way… Hmmmm *evil plan developing*
June 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
i don’t think i’ve had a bigger compliment than from that lovely david!
love the referencing.
although i think i stole it from deb at missivesfromsuburbia…
she won’t mind cuz i think she loves me.
now hang on. i ALMOST didn’t see that crazycath’s comment!
but wait, you’re you, and i give you permission to plagiarise my blog anytime.
NOTE : I GAVE *JO* PERMISSION!!!
just to be clear.
cuz we’re twins.
which means we’re triplets, as i already twinned with belle.
June 9th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Great post JO!
good thoughts….I love it when I learn something about myself when writing a post. 
Glad to know I’m not alone in this.