Not quite grown up yet

Mon, Jun 9, 2008

Blog

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It’s dark outside. My big sister is asleep, her soft breathing sending soothing ripples across the room.
If mum and dad come in now I know there’s a chance I’ll be in trouble, because you have to be asleep. He won’t come in you’re not asleep. But, well, if you’re asleep then you don’t see him right? And I so want to see him.

I shiver a little and wrap my fleecey dressing gown around my knees, adjusting my slippers on the desk. If I move too fast it will creak and give away the fact that not only am I not asleep, dreaming of bright coloured paper and turkey and crackers, but that I’m not even in bed, tucked up, waiting.

But I’m almost eight years old, on the verge of not believing and I so want to believe, so I’m waiting and watching and hoping.

Outside, the frost twinkles in the silver shadows cast by streetlights on the frozen ground. The sky is dark and inky blue. White clouds shimmer across the moon and all is still, silent, expectant. Then I hear it, or I think I hear it, the faint sweet song of sleigh bells, and maybe just maybe there’s a hint of something dark and familiar in the clouds against the moon.

I strain my ears to hear more but there is nothing. My eyes ache from looking. I sit a moment longer and think, “Could it be? Was that him? I think it was.”

And part of me wants more, a tiny part of me wants reindeer, and a sleigh and a big red man in gaudy technicolour, but a bigger part of me is happy. A bigger part of me says, “You’re lucky he gave you that much. Nobody ever sees him, but you did. You got a glimpse, that’s enough.”

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So I climb down from my perch on the window sill, tugging the curtain back into place. I push my slippers under my bed and dive beneath the covers wriggling around to warm the cool sheets and exorcise the cold air that gripped my skin when I took off my dressing gown. Then I lay still, listening to the beat of my heart as it settles into a calm comfortable gentle de-dum, de-dum, de-dum. And as I drift off to sleep another sound blends prettily with my resting heart.

I’m sure when my mum and dad came to tuck me in at some dark hour there must have been a smile on my face, because that night I went to sleep truly happy, in my warm bed, my family close by, and a faraway tinkling of sleigh bells in my ear.

This post was written in response to lovely Molly’s Fun Monday theme, “Tell us about a happy memory form your childhood.” I can’t wait to read them all.

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33 Responses to “Not quite grown up yet”

  1. Karisma Says:

    OMG he must have been sharing himself around that night! I swear I saw him too!

    Reply

  2. Olive Says:

    Well, he stopped by our house every year. And the sleigh bells do ring out. Thanks for your memory.

    Reply

  3. Hootin' Anni Says:

    JO!!!!! This is like reading an introduction to a great children’s book!!! How wonderful. I love this. Great anticipation, you did a fabulous job. So descriptive, you had me getting very excited for that ’special man’ too.

    Loved it.

    My Fun Monday is shared too, I hope you can stop by and read it, if you haven’t already –since I’m just now going through the Mr. Linky’s at Mollys before I get to my own comments to read who has visited!! Take care, have a great day. [PS --you have to scroll below my 'walk in the park' photos to reach my F M entry!!]

    Reply

  4. Swampy Says:

    Oh, OH ! I think I hear him now…no, wait ! That’s my wind chimes just blowin’ in the wind or is it the voices in my head?
    Very beautifully written.

    Reply

  5. Momo Fali Says:

    Oh Jo! I loved this story! There are times when I wish we could go back to that innocence and joy!

    Reply

  6. Maureen Says:

    Yes, this is incredible writing and you SHOULD write a Christmas children’s book!!! Well done.

    Reply

  7. Gattina Says:

    That was very nice to read ! I almost felt like you !

    Reply

  8. Lilacspecs Says:

    What a sweet memory.

    Reply

  9. Jan Says:

    Wonderful post. My daughters were sure they heard the Easter Bunny, one year. Just Mom, being late with things.

    Reply

  10. Groovy Mom Says:

    Aw, that was very sweet. Wonderfully written too!

    Reply

  11. Akelamalu Says:

    Oh you naughty girl, you know he doesn’t come until you’re asleep! LOL

    Reply

  12. Molly Says:

    What a lovely and fun post you have written about a happy childhood memory.

    Reply

  13. chrisb Says:

    Brilliant post, one of my favourites today :)

    Reply

  14. Sybil Law Says:

    I so remember that feeling and excitement!
    Thanks!

    Reply

  15. Susan as herself Says:

    MY dad used to make little tracks in the snow outside our bedroom windows, and then in the morning he’d show us how the elves had crept up outside to make sure we were sleeping and being good. it never failed to thrill us. :)

    Reply

  16. aoj & the Lurchers Says:

    Oh! I think my eyes are leaking. ’scuse me.

    Reply

  17. Judy Says:

    My childhood Christmas’s were so happy because my Dad loved this holiday above all others. He got so excited and made it special for all of us.

    Reply

  18. Crazycath Says:

    Absolute magic!

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  19. the planet of janet Says:

    jo, this was beautifully written! i could FEEL the anticipation and “his” presence!!!!!

    Reply

  20. daddy d Says:

    We all wanted to believe at that time in life. That was the correct and poitive way to live.

    Reply

  21. grace Says:

    that was so neat, I could read it to my 3 year old, I bet her eyes would be so large with anticipation, I enjoyed reading it

    Reply

  22. holly Says:

    i don’t think i ever *did* wait up…dang! i was *tooooo* good. i’m going to go back and be naughty.

    and i only really stopped believing the year before last. when i realized i was doing the wrapping. ..

    Reply

  23. Melanie Says:

    What an incredibly sweet post. That was around the age that I started to try to figure it all out too.

    Reply

  24. ellen b Says:

    What a great story you recounted so well of that hope and dream so many of us had. Have a wonderful week…

    Reply

  25. laurie Says:

    now that is one cozy memory.

    very nice!

    Reply

  26. hulagirlatheart Says:

    This was absolutely wonderful! Thanks for taking me back in time.

    Reply

  27. Faye Says:

    Oh I also remember those couple of years when you were torn between believing and not. Did your parents tell you, “He who believes, receives.”? Actually, if you think about it, it still applies, right?

    Reply

  28. IamwhoIam Says:

    Oh how wonderious – and magical. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply

  29. Alison Says:

    beautiful Jo…just beautiful..you have captured it perfectly!!

    Reply

  30. Pamela Says:

    awww… should be in a short story book — like Chicken Soup for The Soul..

    I never believed in Santa. I think I missed out.

    Reply

  31. Peter Says:

    Wow, I believe!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  32. Maria Says:

    That was marvelously written. Great story

    Reply

  33. nikki Says:

    Very well written! My brother and I used to hide and wait. Of course we always fell asleep before St. Nick visited!

    Reply


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