I promised to show you just how tired I was yesterday. That’s a kind of abstract thing to show right? But I can do it as I am clever like that.
No I don’t have a special chart that displays levels of tiredness according to eyelid droopage or size and shade of under eyebags.
There is no special equation like: K + (C x S) x H = SD
K = Kid in your bed
C = Coughing
S= Screaming
H= Hours
SD = Sleep Deprivation/ Knackered Mummy
(NB. I haven’t done Maths in a long time.)
Nope, the evidence I have that proves I was more tired than a very tired tadpole that has swum the length and breadth of the Mississippi river in search of a very tiny thimble it lost a few weeks earlier, is scientific fact. Nobody will attempt to dispute it.
Ready?
Cough.
So I’m on the playground with Miss E, Miss M and my mum. It’s a hot day and I’m suddenly aware of a cool breeze playing about my toes, but something is wrong. There is something amiss, something slightly odd, something JUST NOT RIGHT.
So I look down, and peeping out of my black bootleg trousers are…
These.
Oh my Bob. My heart misses a beat then I nudge my mum and nod towards my toes as I whisper,
Me: “Mum, look.”
Mum: “Snort.”
Me: “Nooooo. I can’t believe it. That is how tired I am, I can’t even dress myself.”
Mum: “Snort.”
As I walk Miss M round to nursery I’m hoping nobody notices. I’m hoping nobody notices so much that I’m trying to consciously walk in a normal ‘don’t look at my odd shoes’ way, which of course isn’t normal at all so I try to forget about my fashion faux pas. But I’m grinning so much that in the end I have to tell my mate Lou, my mate Sharon, Caroline, Alison, Anne-Marie, Jo, Marie, and somehow, being surrounded by the shrieks of laughter makes it all okay.
And, because I’m having my hair cut in town, I have to buy new shoes.
And they’re really comfy and only cost a fiver so you know, that helped a bit. But it wouldn’t have happened if I’d had some sleep.
So, I blame Miss M.
Although…
The day before, I bought myself these.
Sighhhhhhhhh.
Are they not gorgeous?
They are cute, comfy and the ideal item to base a complete outfit for your brother’s wedding on right??
So maybe it was a weird shoe karma thing, I mean, I probably should have to pay for these in some way other than monetary terms right?
Bring it on Shoe Gods, I can take it.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Oh that is just priceless. Priceless.
Just goes to prove that you are a real mum, with missing brain cells from having to cram everyone else’s rubbish in there alongside your own!
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Oh. my. bob! hee hee hee
love the new shoes btw.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:19 pm
The new shoes are beautiful. I need new shoes and I might just have to wait till we’re up your way to look for some. Can’t say I’ve done the shoe thing before although I have been tired enough to forget deoderant, forget to rinse the conditioner out of my hair and once, when I still was in a B cup I forgot to put on a bra.
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I would so totally have shown the entire world and have them laugh with me as well. It’s just so much less embarrassing if you make fun of it first. Takes the sting out. Good for you. Not to mention, it makes for great blogging : ) And I LOVE the new shoes. A lot!
July 2nd, 2008 at 1:54 pm
I’ve never done that but my sister once went out in her slippers by mistake. It could have been shoe karma. Or it could have been the sleep fairy telling you to GO TO BED!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 pm
You are a nutter. Fact.
But I love you anyway! Thank you for making me chuckle!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:39 pm
And that’s why it’s good to be a bloke! All our shoes look the same anyway!
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
you do NOT want to mess with the shoe gods. the most powerful one, turwilnuk, will absolutely mess you up. once, years ago, i dared to wear a pear of black patent leather birkenstocks with some plaid shorts. it did not go down well. i still have a little tiny notch on my left foot from the whole thing.
those last shoes are so gorgeous that if you don’t *like* the wedding, you can just click them three times…
July 2nd, 2008 at 3:54 pm
oh i also forgot to mention that instead of multiplying by the hours, if you divide by the hours you get the rate of change.
just want to be helpful.
July 2nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
You? Are the cutest. And you deserve good shoe karma.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:08 pm
That is too funny…
And I love the new shoes!
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
everyone knows that you cannot just buy ONE pair of shoes. Thats why they come in pairs, right? Of course right.
July 2nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
LOVE the shoe story! Glad you laughed too. Also, the quirk about worrying about your food’s feelings made me think of my daughter. When she was little, I could give her a small bag of gummy bears and she would play with them for at least an hour before she’d start eating them.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I’ve done that with two different colored shoes, but not two different styles… too funny! Love the green shoes, lovely.
July 2nd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Is it ok that I laughed at you? Because I laughed super, super hard!
And yes – cute shoes!
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:17 am
Jo, you always make me smile. And according to my girls, buying shoes is good for the, um, sole …..
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:13 am
Oh fantastic!, first time i have been to your blog, but fear not, i will definately return! Poor you, i do hope you get some sleep soon and that Miss M recovers quick.
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:29 am
I am chuckling my head off here.
I am in love with your green shoes. They are absolutely perfect!
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:02 am
First thank you for stopping by and hopefully really enjoying Husbandisms!
And I LOVE those new shoes .. I am a shoe slut.
I once worked with a woman who arrived at the office in two different shoes .. she was dumbstruck when this was pointed out to her ..
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:56 am
*snort* at least you got some new shoes out of it.
July 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Now that is funny!!!!!
But the new shoes – the green ones – rock!
I always buy the shoes first, and then the outfit. Perfectly normal.
Then again, I am a freak.
July 7th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Toooo funny! I have done this too. *hangs head in shame*
And I did not see it as the perfect reason to get new shoes *hangs head further in shame*
I really missed out there. Gorgeous shoes.