The lovely Lisa is hosting this week’s Fun Monday and she was kind enough to give us two choices for our Fun Monday subject.
The first is ‘What is the one thing you would like to ask your readers? Come up with a question to pose to your visitors and throw it out there.’
The second is Show & Tell me about a bird.
It’s a few weeks since I did Fun Monday what with weddings and holidays etc, and life is still kind of hectic so I’ve decided to go with the ‘QUESTION YOUR READERS’ option because then you lot do all the work right??
You’re a bit scared now aren’t you? I mean, I could ask you anything and by the rules of t’interweb you have to answer truthfully or barnacles will land on your head and eat your brains or something.
So erm, what to ask?
Well I could ask:
1. Have you ever mangled something ‘living’, in a hotel trouser press?
2. Do you have a secret crush on a cartoon character that you’ve never told anyone about before?
3. What is your credit card and pin number?
But because I am kind and good and nice I will not ask any of these.
So, my question (inspired by the fabulous Daryl) is, ‘What is the funniest thing you ever overheard?’
And as I’m nice I have given you my own answer below…
Clears throat.
So I’m 18 years old and queuing in the doorway of the very cramped ladies toilets in a local pub. There is just one cubicle and it is occupied by two rather tipsy young women who are talking very loudly about various men they have ‘copped off with’ during the night’s entertainment.
Slightly worse for wear due to several bottles of bud, I am leaning against the door smiling to myself as I often to do when I’m at the stage where my world has blurred gently and I have to watch my feet when I walk. I tend to have this ‘I am completely harmless and in my own little world’ expression on my face when drunk in my home town. It’s a defense mechanism, as being in Mansfield in Doc Martens and stripy tights and a tiny dress in the early 1990s could often attract the wrong kind of attention, the kind that occasionally leads to a slap.
Then I hear this;
First girl: “Do I look alright?”
Second girl: “You look great babe. You look like you just had sex.”
I wait.
I listen.
She says something like, “Ahhh thanks mate” and I imagine them hugging.
And in my head I am saying, ‘WHAT? That was a compliment? Oh my Bob. That was a compliment.’
You’re thinking she says it with sarcasm right?
Or with a hint of laughter in her voice?
Or maybe even a slightly injured accusatory tone?
But there was nothing.
They leave the cubicle just as I remember to close my mouth and look away. I did take a sneaky peek at her though, and personally I think her friend got it wrong. I mean her make up is still thickly applied, her hair neatly confined in one of those weird zigzag combs people used to wear, and her face is not even the slightest bit red or sweaty.
I sit on the toilet and giggle to myself so much that when I come out there is a girl who looks quickly away from me. I bet she read every bit of graffiti on the walls of that toilet to see what was so darn funny.
Sighhhh. Memories.
So, come on, spill it. What is the funniest thing you ever overheard? Jo Beaufoix wants to know.
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August 18th, 2008 at 6:26 am
HA!!! I love your question #3!
What is the funniest thing you’ve overheard? Oh my goodness Jo…I have heard so many things, it’s impossible to come up with one. I was listening to a couple of men the other night at the ballgame and they were talking about statistics…and one guy said that if you want your kid to grow up on the ballgame roster one day, statistics show they should be born in August. Now the funny part was with the other guy —he said what if your wife was ‘due’ in August but labor started in July? The answer was “tell my wife to put up her legs and wait a week or two”. Oh my.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:25 am
The funniest thing I have ever heard (that I remember…cause there’s probably lots of things I’ve heard that are the “funniest EVER” but I don’t carry a notebook around to jot them down, which I should) was when I was working at our university. I was walking between two buildings and I passed these two girls who were in serious discussion. As I walked by I heard the one girl say, “I think man boobs are like so sexy!” and the other piped in “Like, Oh my God, I KNOW!!” and they were completely serious. Umm, okay.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:02 am
i have to agree i dont write them down, but i should. because i cant think of a thing and now its making me angry that i cant. sheesh!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I overheard my grandmother’s hairdresser say this to the woman who’s hair she was rolling:
“So here was this strange man, naked as a jaybird, standing on my porch asking if he could use my bathroom. He said, ‘please lady, let me use your bathroom…I’ve got the diarrhea.’ I said, ‘no, you go on up the road a piece to the little Bag ‘N’ Buy store.’ I mean, really, I wasn’t going to let the guy in my bathroom if he had the diarrhea….”
This kind of made me wounder if she’d let in a strange naked man that didn’t have diarrhea.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:24 am
I don’t think anything I’ve ever overheard could beat that Jo!
We went to the Burnt Stump for lunch yesterday, do you know it?
August 18th, 2008 at 9:31 am
I am SO flattered and here I thought you were fabulous one AND you ARE!
Love that Toon!
And I think the funniest thing I have ever heard has still be Tooned… but the Club Your Dog one I tooned yesterday was pretty funny.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Dang I didn’t know I’d need to study up for a question. I cannot think of a thing although I know I have heard plenty. I will think on it and come back if I can come up with something.
In the mean time, I was party to a funny conversation. I was 18 and working Wal-Mart as a door greeter, an older gentleman came in asking where the ‘rubbers’ were and while I thought he was very one with himself, I pointed him to the pharmacy area of the store. As he walked back by, on his way to the shoe department he paused to tell me disgustedly, that he meant ‘galoshes’!
Who knew!
August 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am
One of the funniest things I’ve overheard lately was a play by play of my cousin’s dog catching, releasing, and finally swallowing a fly.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Sooo many, but since yours in the bathroom it brought back this memory of something I overheard in a bathroom as well….
I was in a restaurant and went to use the ladies room. While I was…ummm….sitting there, I could tell the lady in the next stall was standing up and getting everything back in order. All of a sudden I hear what sounds like keys and then the splash of water. Then I hear “Oh shit!” Apparently she went to flush the toilet and the keys she had in her hand fell in the toilet. I? Sat there and laughed!!
August 18th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I’m clearly a total bore because I cannot ever remember overhearing anything that is remotely amusing. Except last weekend in our local Mall a mother and child in the next cubicle were discussing how he was pooping. Although I can’t remember the exact words, it was a commentary on what was actually happening and made me chuckle.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I was listening to one of my parishioners who was rather sad that the club she attends, run by Age Concern, was closing down and she said ‘The trouble is people keep dying and then they don’t come back anymore’
August 18th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Blimey, I should have come here first thing this morning and given myself time to think about it!!
August 18th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I wish my memory was good enough to REMEMBER something funny I overheard … but I do have a HUGE crush on ‘Hobbs’ in Bill Wasserman’s wonderful comic strip.
Hugs and blessings,
August 18th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
The other day, I overheard two young girls (early 20s) talking about an older man, and how they thought his receeding hairline was sexy. They liked the look of his “cul-de-sac”, is what they called it. I’m thinking does he have a cute a@@, or does he have a devilishly sexy grin.
Bald is beautiful!
August 18th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
It is posts like this that remind me how much I have forgotten. I know I have heard some really funny stuff, but for the life of me….I have have sat here staring at the screen for like 5 minutes….and I’ve go nothing….NOTHING.
August 18th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
oh my BOB that is so funny. you made me spit tea with that toon, babes!!!
btw, my pin number is 4, my credit card number is 2.
use it wisely.
i will have to get back to you on that “funniest thing i overheard” bit. it will come to me … later. . .
August 18th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
um. er. uh. *clearing throat* ummmmmm. *heavy sigh*
nope. i got nothin’.
although i did overhear a full-on cell-phone conversation in the bathroom (on speaker phone!!!!) about how rude someone else was.
the pot calling the kettle something or other.
August 18th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
We have to tell the truth – dang and there goes my blog name.
or what happens if we don’t – could explain my mindless state.
Well in last week project controls meet I thought I here Hereash say raft index (I was quite surprized at I didn’t think he knew anything about white water rafting) So for a few seconds my intrest was peaked and I got all anamiated finally something fun. Only to find out he said “craft indirects” YAWN back to blank stare, as he drones on and on and on.
August 18th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Once I was in a department store dressing room. Someone in the next dressing room farted. A woman’s voice (based on the tone, she had to be the farter’s mother) said, “I’ll thank you not to fart in expensive jeans I haven’t paid for yet.”
August 18th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
The funniest thing I ever heard? Any man saying “Trust me.” Cracks me up every time!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
With kids you hear something funny every day you know? But today it was pretty hilarious hearing my kids argue over who was more like Spongebob, complete with ‘I’m spongy’ and ‘I laugh like a dolphin’. *lol*
August 18th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Oh shoot! I can’t come up with a funny “overheard” so will just answer your original question. No, I’ve never mangled a living creature in a pants press, but I do admire you clever Brits for inventing such a wonderful piece of equipment. Wish I’d had one in my working days when my pants required creasing.
August 19th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Hee hee, thanks everybody. You made me giggle, even in my post migraine state. Bleurghhhhh.,
August 19th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Well, there was that time I heard my son telling my cousin that he has a big head…and that time he told a cashier she looked like a fish…and that other time when he told another cashier she looked like “kind of a girl”. How much space do I have in this comment box?
August 19th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Come on over and get an award I have for you …
August 20th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
yesterday at work we were having a man come into the office to give us an estimate for cleaning our blinds on the windows. My co worker said – “The blind man should be here soon” I asked her if his tape measure had braille on it!!
August 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Hi -First time on First Monday responses and have only been able to visit the blogs of people who visited my Bucket List. so thank you. The funniest thing I ever heard may not translate across the pond but.,,, I overheard a new IRS tax auditor (Inland Revenue) discussing the 5 tests one has to answer in order for a citizen to claim a dependent on their yearly tax declaration. A legal dependent can lower the tax on your yearly income -so cheating occurs. One of the tests was that the dependent must be a US citizen or resident alien (basicly lives in the US -of course there are exceptions)So when this new auditor asked the client if the dependent was an alien? She clarified it with ‘Not from outer space”. Being audited is a very scary and serious part of being a US citizen. NO ONE LAUGHS. Yet from my side of the wall -they heard a woman hystericaly laughing and falling out of her chair. ME!!!! I have never let the auditor forget. I dont think the client ever even realized. Even now I still laugh!