Firstly I just wanted to give a little heads up to everyone affected by 9/11. Whatever race, colour, creed or nationality, so many people across the globe had their lives changed that day. I was one of them, in that I think I grew up a little. I was 26 years old, had just finished my degree and was working with unemployed youngsters when a colleague turned the radio up and then there was silence. We listened all day as the tragedy grew and all I wanted to do was get home and cuddle Mr B and a 13 month old Miss E. I think that’s what made the difference for me. I had a baby, I had something precious to lose and suddenly life got a little more scary, because what if it had been us?
Ok, sad bit over. I’m going to follow it with some silliness because Miss E is still here, she’s 8 and she’s erm, a little odd at times. Hope you can all cope with the leap from sad to mad, if not, no problem, if so, carry on.
Every year at about this time the Christmas catalogues come thudding through the letterbox and sprinkle our bristly doormat with excitement and magic. One of the regulars that I do occasionally buy from is ‘Studio Cards & Gifts.’
This year’s arrives and Miss E settles down with a large black felt tip (that’s marker to a lot of you) and begins to circle her ‘wants’ with fervent enthusiasm. Sober and in earnest she has the look of a conductor, moulding and shaping a small orchestra that is dotted about the page. Her arms are one minute a whirl of staccatoed movements, then poised, steady, ready to swoop, her lips a line, her eyebrows thrust forward with concentration one minute, then raised with glee the next as she circles, circles, circles.
I watch for a while then get a bit scared, I mean, she has circled pretty much something on every page so far. Santa may have to say ‘no’ to quite a few of them. But it’s early days yet and she will change her mind another 8 million times before Christmas so I think we’ll be ok.
Later on, when my girls are asleep and Mr B and I are ensconced in front of the TV, I reach for the catalogue and begin to read.
The first few pages are a little unexpected. She has circled Pooh Bear stuff, Fi Fi and the Flowertots, In The Night Garden. ‘They must be for Miss M I decide. It’s cute that she thought of her.’
I sweep through the Hannah Montana towels, lunch box, dress up. High School Musical drinks bottle, karaoke, dolls. Bratz hair salon and nail bar, sleepover set, lampshade.
Then it starts getting a bit weird…
You see, well, I expected her just to look at the kids stuff. I mean, the other stuff is boring right?
But no.
This year Miss E has added a few extras to her list.
Firstly she circled every item of make up, jewellery and fragrance she could find including the mens.
Then she circled this;
Lovely isn’t it? Aside from the fact we haven’t got a cat and will never be having one again due to my brother’s serious cat allergy, it’s really quite a bargain.
Next I discovered this;
Yeah I know, nice, shiny but erm, it’s a cooker hood. ..
She’s eight, and I know she’s bright, but she can’t possibly be planning on making her own way in the big wide world just yet, I mean, we could get arrested for abandonment or something. Tsk. So, all I can imagine is that she thinks this might be a weird ultra modern pop up penthouse/space rocket for Barbie, one with a very big chimney??
Then I see this…
Yeah, my kid has taste. BAD taste, but taste, cough.
I feel a little sick at this point, but then I turn the page and nearly fall off my own legs from laughing.
The funny thing is, I’m giggling so hard at the fluffy handcuffs I fail to notice the small penis shaped bath salts till I show my mum today. Niiiiice. I am so glad Santa checks his list twice. He’s bound to notice when something isn’t age appropriate right?
What really makes Mr B and I guffaw though, is the following item, and the word she has scrawled across it in stark black capitals. I really feel I have learnt something about my little girl in allowing her to complete this exercise.
1. She likes anything pink, fluffy, shiny, pastel coloured, smelly, girlie, Bratz, Barbie , Disney, doggy, catty, and cooker hoody.
2. She does not like…
..radios shaped like boobs.
Thank Bob. I might have bought her one otherwise.
September 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
I am just laughing and laughing!
I need one of those catalogs!
Damn, that’s just funny!
September 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
I was just going to leave you a note to tell you I understand why having a child when 9/11 occurred would be difficult… I was pregnant with K at the time…
but then I saw the christmas lists and now my ribs hurt from laughing… Luckily I can buy myself a little time before the Christmas list insanity starts because Halloween is so important in our house that it distracts from the Holiday Season a bit longer…
September 11th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
So, I am thinking she could do some catalog shopping for me .. I love bright shiny glittery and pink things but a breast radio .. not so much. I do however covet those penis soaps….
September 11th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Oh my bob! I am laughing out loud. That is so funny. You have to save that for when she gets older!
And what kindof catalog is that? Kid’s toys and adult toys in the same place? Boob radios? Hilarious!
September 11th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
That is quite some catalog!!! Never seen anything like it as far as “variety!”
And sad to say, but I know several guys who would like the boobs radio. Sigh.
September 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Oh my goodness. I applaud her good taste in writing NO over those boobs. Def no-no.
I like pink and fluffy too though…
September 11th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
My stomach hurts from laughing! I can’t stop! Oh…
September 11th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Oh yes! We have that happening here too, all of it, right down to the felt tip marker, but uh, no nipple dials here.
Oh, that’s a NO! Whew. lol
September 11th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
maybe the handcuffs are for the kitty and the pink fuzzies on them they have secret allergy eliminating powers. if that should fail the oven hood could radiate the evil allergens away? i know it’s a stretch…but there has to be a link to all this madness!
fun blog!
September 11th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
LOL I can hardly stand how funny this post is, JO! oh my word! I would die to see what Miss M would circle. Were there any trump sandwiches? tee hee….thanks for the giggles.
September 12th, 2008 at 2:09 am
I’m still laughing. What a great post! I think I must have the small Studio catalogue, because mine didn’t have that radio in it!
September 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I don’t know if that’s more disturbing or funny!
I think I’ll go with the latter and keep laughing.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:32 am
OMG…that was absolutely hysterical! I used to let my daughter circle things in catalogs for her wish list, but then, I never had such inclusive catalogs! LOL! And now I’m wanting to know more about that “lust dust.”
September 12th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Sybil, I bet they have an online store. In fact, wait a minute…ok, here it is.
http://homeshopping.24studio.co.uk/searchresult/1
This is the boob radio page. Mwah.
Cami, sorry about the ribs babe, hee hee. Ok, I’m not really, mwah ha ha haaaa.
Daryl, every home should have penis soaps. ;D
Lori, it looks kind of harmless on the outside, but this year it has, erm, something for everyone.
Susan, it’s definitely a man thing I think.
Crazycath, it made me laugh so hard that she needed to do that. Maybe it was just in case we went for one of those, hee hee.
Erin, you want that radio don’t you?
DFTF, how can you live without nipple dials? Tsk.
Corey, I may have to get Miss M to have a go. ;D
Berthddu Suit, you need the big one. It’s the huge Christmas one, or just check out the link above, tee hee.
Kim, I went with funny. I’m not ready for disturbing yet.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Hi Kelly, you could be right, and the lamp is to ward off evil spirits who are frightened of rabbits. Fabulous.
Hi Tiggerlane, hope you’re ok. I noticed that dust too, it sounds a bit creepy. Next year, Miss E will just be perusing the kids section.
September 12th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
can’t…..comment….laughing too profusely………
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oh my bob. i so needed that. i am so saving this to my ‘crap i gotta read when i’m a bit blue’ list. it doesn’t flow off the tongue as well as bucket list, but i’m using it anyway.
September 14th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Thank you for the empathy too big to comprehend even to this
day
I see some uses for some of those things reallty funny stuff..sk