We were 22, an age when you think you’re grown up but most people think you’re really not. There was me and there was Lucy and there was Dez and there was Nats.
We decided a girlie night was in store, but not the usual trawl around the finest hostelries in Nottingham before a boogie at Rock City and a veggie burger while we waited for our taxi. No, tonight we were going to do something different, something that heralded impending adulthood and maturity. We were going out for dinner.
Lucy found a nice restaurant, and we all got dressed up in our finery, ie. Docs with skirts or dresses a la grunge chic. The eatery was up a dark staircase which opened into a large heavily draped room. It was a vision in red and black with velvet and damask fabrics covering old but handsome furniture.
The high ceilings were dotted with large stylish light fittings, complimenting the art deco plaster cornices that harked back to a more glamorous past. In the corner, a wizened but lively old gentleman played music hall tunes and jazz style melodies, echoes from the twenties and thirties. And it was impossible not to imagine vibrant flapper girls dancing the night away with young men in tuxedos, or sipping cocktails while partaking in elegant conversation about the latest post war scandal.
And we sat and we dined and we chatted in a most ladylike fashion, and it was all going so well until the waiter arrived with a second jug of water. As he approached I smiled sweetly, fluttered my eyelashes and attempted to engage him in conversation.
Me: “Thank you so much. This is such a gorgeous place, and I really like your penis.”
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo.
What I meant to say of course, was that I really liked his ‘pianist’ but alas those were not the words that left my mouth.
The mask of refined femininity was shattered. I don’t think any of us could speak for a good 10 minutes. Luckily the waiter seemed to get the gist of what I was trying to say and stifling a grin but with a twinkle in his eye he thanked me and headed off to another table.
Needless to say the word ‘pianist’ cropped up in conversation quite a lot that night, and to this day I use the safer term, ‘piano player.’ I also avoid the word organ as this makes me think of something else too. Cough.
This post was inspired by the lovely Belle whose husband has kindly installed some phallic artwork on the front driveway. Go and see, you won’t regret it, I promise.
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September 25th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Ah youth … ah you Brits .. and oh my bob that was some penis, phallic marking on Belle’s walkway .. oh .. my … bob …
September 25th, 2008 at 10:33 am
Well, for all you know he really did have a nice penis!!!
That is so fricking funny!!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:02 am
There’s a joke about a 12″ pianist!
I’ve had a look and it’s a phallus on the driveway!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Oh that was JUST what the doctor ordered. Nice penis. I love that.
September 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Oh Jo! I can so imagine doing the same thing! I’ve had many word mispronunciations over the course of my life but never one quite so…ummm…shocking? Hee hee…
September 25th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
tee hee….oh dear….that is a dangerous word isn’t it. tee hee
September 25th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
hahaha, was there a tip jar involved?
September 25th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
hahaha, did you leave tips for the er, um..pianist?
September 25th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Great story yet again Jo! Still sniggering as I type. Oh, and the new bedroom looks fab x
September 25th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Ohhh, that is a dangerous word. Your story is just as bad as the time in school when I was told to carve out a favorite saying on a wood plaque for art class and I chose “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Only my carving tool was hard to control and the plaque looked like this: “The penis mightier than the sword.”
Sigh.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Oh gad… I just about spit out my drink when I read that!!! Hilarious Jo!!!! We had a neighbor once whose son drew penises on their driveway all the time. Luckiy, it was in chalk.
September 26th, 2008 at 4:47 am
LOL! That is too funny! I have had those momments where I think one thing, but say another.
Thanks for the giggle!
September 26th, 2008 at 10:11 am
LOL! Oh, that is priceless! I’ll bet that waiter still talks about that night.
September 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
hey! why can’t i post a comment?!