As it’s a while since I visited the hallowed pages of wikiHow I decided it was time once again to do some learning.
Having perused many of the fabulous ideas wikiHow has to offer I found something vital to life that I felt I needed to share with you.
Ready?
According to WikiHow, making friends is a good idea, and, “there are literally billions of potential friends in the world. ”
Are you not amazed? I mean, not only are there billions of people in the world, there are also billions of potential friends. Fantastic right? Cough, so, if you want a chance to befriend some of these billions of potentials then apparently you need to follow these steps.
1. Spend more time around people.
It is good to let them know you are doing this or they may think you are a stalker or that you plan to rob them.
2. Talk to people.
Use words, that’s always good too.
3. Initiate a get-together.
Please note, the following lines should be avoided.
- Do you want to come and see some puppies?
- It looks like you have a problem with warts, come on over and I’ll burn them off for you. It’s a bit of a hobby.
- Yes I would like to buy a conservatory.
4. Be a good friend.
Do not steal from, humiliate, maim or terrorize people. They will not like you.
5. Choose your friends wisely.
This list may help.
Possible good friends:
Nice people
Genuine people
People not convicted of boiling hamsters or murdering Great Aunts
Possible bad friends:
Hitler
Jeffrey Dahlmer
The Grinch
The following tip was also provided to make this whole process easier…
” You don’t have to be a superstar to be fun. You don’t even have to do cartwheels. (What? -Jo) You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good when they’re around you. From the very first conversation you have with someone you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable. Smile frequently, laugh often, and make eye contact. ”
Like this….
Fabulous right?
And they provide the following warnings:
- “Just be yourself you’ll make friends who like you for who you are.”
(But if you plan on being someone else don’t pick anyone from the above ‘bad friends’ list.)
- Don’t try to buy friends by giving people gifts or money. While it’s nice to give a friend a gift sometimes, if you go overboard, it’s creepy.
(So erm Holl, you might want to send back the 83 Starbucks Mugs and the 7 stuffed skunks I sent you. Just a thought.)
So there we have it, Jo Beaufoix once again changing peoples lives, sighhhh.
What would you do without me?
Oh, and erm, will you be my friend? Oh pleeeeeaaaaaase.
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September 30th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Dang. I knew that incident with my great-aunt would come back to haunt me…
September 30th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Does eye contact mean,like, er.. eyeball touching or something?
I’ll be your fwiend. Will you be mine?
(Especially if Holl sends some of those mugs back. You can pass ‘em to me. I’m not fussy. But I do have a family that break mugs. A lot.)
September 30th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I’m laughing…stalker indeed! I thought I already had a billion friends, I guess I miscounted! Fun fun post! Will you be my friend, my pal, my second to none bud??? Too much?
Sandi
September 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
I thought we were friends already…..but now that I see the whites of your eyes…..
You are a very charming person…
September 30th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I actually really suck at making friends in real life. I’ve got plenty of acquaintances but not many friends.
September 30th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Kim, I will overlook it, I mean, she probably deserved it a bit.
Crazycath, ewwwww, eyeball touching, is that what friends do?
Sandi, I will build a little shrine to you. Can you send me some of your rubbish??
Lee, you’re a bit scared of me now aren’t you??
Lilacs, I think when we meet we will be friends. Hug.
September 30th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
ROFL! Love your comic. Wait, don’t go…
September 30th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
first, you’re not getting those mugs and skinks back. i did all those cartwheels, i get to keep the booty.
second. “From the very first conversation you have with someone you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable.”
but what if you’re *not* affable, non-threatening and approachable? what then? should you just fake it, like i’ve been doing? i’d like a break!
third. what was third? oh yes. one of the starbucks mugs broke and i’m going to need a replacement. i will do a cartwheel for it.
September 30th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Your musings are hilarious. The sad part is that I now doubt the efficacy of all the other WikiHow advice. Also, I am so relieved that turning cartwheels is not a requisite for making friends. (And to think I’ve been hiding that defect all these years…)
September 30th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Eye contact…I have issues with that. I’ll work on it. And what?! We can’t bribe people to be our friends? Looks like most of the people who ARE my friends need to be told that : ) Ha, ha. That is a funny post!
September 30th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I’ll be YOUR friend.
But wikihow kind of scares me….
September 30th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
What’s wrong with boiling hamsters?!
September 30th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Hahaha. I like it—reminds me of those old filmstips we had to watch in 7th grade wherein we were taught good hygiene and manners. I will never forget the line, “The liberal use of deodorant or anti-perspirant will help you to be the type of person people like to include in the fun.” And then a guy took a big bite of pie and smiled at his buddy. Clearly THEY were both wearing deodorant.
September 30th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
love you! I’m a good friend, right? right? right? okay so I suck….but heck at least I’m not Hilter.
October 4th, 2008 at 5:53 pm
That bit about smiling, laughing and making eye contact… that’s what they do the whole time in America. I’ve tried it, and it’s exhausting if you do it properly. I quite often want to run away and hide in a corner and not come out till someone promises to talk to me without smiling and laughing, and to look at the wall a few inches above my shoulder, whilst shuffling their feet in an embarrassed fashion. Then they could be my friend.
December 7th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
DFTF, that’s a photo of me, honest. ;D
Holl, I will hold you to the cartwheels young lady.
Charrette, I am also a none cartwheeling lady, and yet I have lots of friends. I think. ;D
Erin, the material was all there, I can’t take full credit, hee hee.
Mie, I’m so glad you’re my friend, and yes, wikihow is scary sometimes.
Sybil, well if they’re boiling they sweat and it stains their fur and then they get all embarrassed and they blush and then people think they’re sun burnt and smother them in cream which makes them very difficult to hold. Ok?
Iota, I will do that if we ever meet ok?