Is it just me, or do beds get nosier at night? And no I don’t mean our bed, as in mine and Mr B’s, but Miss M’s bed. You see, I do that terrible thing that parents are really not meant to do. I lie with her until she goes to sleep. I blame Mr B for this as he started it. I was all, ‘No no no, we mustn’t, she needs to get to sleep by herself’, but he went and did it anyway because, well, it’s kind of nice, and having a lovely cuddle before bed time is generally more fun than a raging battle, and he’s a bit of a lazy git sometimes. So I gave in, and then decided that as she is my baby, my youngest child and very probably my last child, I should probably grab the cuddles while I can.
And that’s fine, and the cuddles are great, and I sing to her and stroke her sweet head and watch her eyelids flutter, her face relax into an angelic expression and her breathing slow and even out. I love that. I know she’s finally reached the land of nod when her hand stills from its twisting and turning of the lock of hair above her left ear, and rests against her face.
But this is where it gets tricky.
You see, Miss M insists I lie beside her on her soft mattress and usually lays her small head in the crook of my arm which I rest on the pillow above her. So, as soon as I put any weight on my elbow to ease myself into an upright position, Miss M moves with me.
If I try to do it quickly she flicks face forwards into my arm squashing her small nose against my skin, then bounces back into her original position as I sit up. This is not conducive to sleep.
So I have to do it slowly. Agonizingly slowly. In fact, imagine me as a large plasticine figure being animated by a spotty grease-haired student for their film project on stop-motion animation. Go on, in fact, push the boat out, imagine me as an enormous turtle flapping on my back with my legs in the air, or a rather attractive ferret wriggling around awkwardly.
Sighhh, lovely. Now, imagine that each tiny movement has to be documented frame by frame until there are enough for a clip resembling real motion. Speed it all up and it actually looks like I’m really alive. Wow!
THAT’S how slow I have to move.
And it’s not just the speed, but also the positions I have to get into in order to ensure Miss M is not disturbed from her peaceful slumber
- There’s the hitch yourself up on the headboard move.
- The put you right arm down and roll side ways off the bed move.
- Or the place your hand on the other side of the sleeping child to equal the polarity of weight versus movement/height without leaning on her hair or knocking her teddies on the floor, move.
No puffing, panting or groaning is allowed, and all activity must be stopped should the bed creak or the small one stir, and that means holding still in whatever position you are in, and not even breathing. Seriously, it’s like playing twister. Tsk.
Apparently it’s not just me who takes part in this involuntary evening yoga sessions, as Mr B also does the same. SO what I want to know is, has anyone out there perfected the art? Or do you lot do this too?
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January 6th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
no no no no no. oh my darling jo. sweet jo. BAD JO!!!
the thrower puts himself to sleep. he doesn’t do it quietly. we have a gate across his door (which he can now undo, but he knows better, somehow). but he does it. he shouts. we ignore. he throws his blanket down the stairs. we ignore that too. but i absolutely refuse to lie down with him, and i didn’t lie down with queen of hearts. they don’t immediately go to sleep, either of them. but they do go.
unfortunately, by the time qoh was the thrower’s age, i was reading stories. i need to start that with him, but i know he’ll make me read all.night.long. okay okay okay okay okay i’ll read.
but i won’t lie with him.
but i will cuddle him, whether he likes it or not. (he usually does not)
January 6th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
i love that bedding!
but i also love that you lie down with her at night. i do not think that love and cuddling can possibly be a bad thing between a mother and her wonderful little daughter.
January 7th, 2009 at 6:23 am
I have a similar problem at the other end of the day. Max, generally, goes to bed pretty well, but since he now gets up to use the toilet in the night, he then heads to my bed.
In the morning the slightest movement seems to wake him, and once he is awake, he wants a cuddle, which is lovely, but does involve him putting his head somewhere around the top of my arm, arm pit and chest. Which in turn means I am awake, without any help of catching any more valuable shut eye.
January 7th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I have to agree with Holly here. Lying next to them on the bed just leads to backache/bumache/heartache!
I cuddle and talk and kiss and hug – and then leave.
I’ve done the sitting there next to the bed thing, trying to creep out only to encounter a dodgy floorboard.
No more I say, no more!
January 7th, 2009 at 8:10 am
You could always lie on your stomach. Then just slide off to the side and, well… Actually that might not work either.
January 7th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I guess I’m with Tara and Holly on this but everyone’s circumstances are different.
We were told not to respond immediately to a baby’s crying at night otherwise he/she would use it to get your attention all the time. One night Brainbox was crying and we were awake in the next bedroom saying to each other to be strong and not give in. The crying didn’t stop after an hour or so and we succumbed. Turned out he had an ear infection and was really in pain. We felt wonderful about that!
So, go with your heart and if it works then don’t fix it!
January 7th, 2009 at 11:25 am
even w/o having a kidlette of my own I have to agree with holly …
January 7th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Holl I know, I know. As a baby she was pretty good and I was determind not to lie with her. But she’s got harder and I suppose we’ve given in in favour of sleep. (Or her Daddy did and I couldn’t do it alone. Sighhhhh.) I think we may need to find a compromise, in that she needs a cuddle and you’re only young once, but she also needs to be able to get to sleep alone as she comes into our room if she wakes up, which was at 1am and 5.30am last night. I think I’ll give her a couple of weeks to settle in at nursery and then we’ll go for it.
Laurie it is good, but it does come back and bite us on the bum sometime so I think we need to make some changes. There will still be stories and cuddling though as we need that as much as she does.
Singleparentdad, we get it at that end too. The cuddles are the best but sleep is equally good when you need it. Sighhhhhhh. All I can think is that maybe you need to purchase a fake arm that you can slip under Max. Then you can roll over and catch some zzzzzs. ;D
Tara I know, I just can’t face doing it again (bad Jo). I also really love the cuddles and often fall asleep with her for a bit. (I know, equally bad.) We’ll work on it I think, bit another part of me thinks that they’re little for such a short time so what harm can it do. The only thing is, my eyebags are proof of the harm I suppose.
Expat Mum, it’s impossible. Unless I learn to levitate. Now that might be the one….
Dumdad you’re right. My heart says we need to make changes but keep some cuddles too. Hmmmmmm, I will have a think.
Daryl yep, Holl is a wise lady as is lovely Tara. We’ll sort it. Just not tonight ok?
January 8th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
We told our oldest when he was ?3 ?4 that if he didn’t leave his bed after we’d said goodnight, and didn’t come into our bedroom until the night light (on a timer) had gone out, he would get a chocolate in the morning. This was after days of agonising “oh no, he’ll expect a chocolate in the morning till he’s 16, if not for life”, but we did it anyway. I feared I might have to develop strategies for leaping out of bed as soon as he came in, and running downstairs with him where various distraction ploys had been laid out the night before. But guess what. The chocolate lasted less than a week, and then he forgot all about it, by which time he was sleeping through perfectly in his own bed, and did for many moons to come.
Sorry to boast, but parenting triumphs are few and far between, and worth passing on.