Last but not least of my interviewers I have the gorgeous, talented writer, runner and part time pineapple smuggler, Holl. Known for her extreme political beliefs (snort), her serious and thought provoking posts (giggle) and her work as spokesperson for Polly Pockets everywhere. (hee hee).
She is also one of my bezzie mates after meeting in real life and finding she is just as fabulous as her blog makes you think she will be.
And she wants to know:
1. the backyardigans, the teletubbies, and a large red hamster all materialize in your back garden while you are trying to hang laundry to dry. what is the method you will use to get them out of your way?
I would move them on using the power of dance. I’m thinking a couple of plies, a grand jete and a do-si-do should do the trick. I’ll have a little cat shaped bag waiting and scoop them all into it before you can say partridge. They’ll never know what hit them.
2. the new dr. who has been announced. david tennant is now free to do whatever he wants, but he needs advice on the two roles he has been offered. he shows up at your door for a little chat. what are the roles, and what do you tell him?
The first role is a role as a roll that rolls.
In this role, the roll is a sympathetic character at first who wishes to be able to walk around like normal bread, but due to his spherical appearance, and having no limbs to speak of, he is destined to a life of dizzying perambulation. Then he meets a rather attractive knife who spends the larger part of an hour slicing and and dicing until our roll has a pretty convincing pair of legs. Sadly our joy at dough boys deliverance is short lived as he uses his new appendages to kick Ms Pointy britches in the handle, then runs off with a toasted sandwich.
I would advise David that playing bread is never a good idea and would not stretch him as an actor unless they decided he could be a baguette. However a baguette would not be able to roll so this would be an unlikely outcome as the rolling roll is key to the role.
The second role would be to play the love interest in the film version of a certain blogger’s life story (one whose name rhymes with Bo Jeaufoix.) The blogger would play herself. He would jump at the chance and insist on rehearsing all the snogging scenes immediately, over a double chocca mocha latte and a coconut macaroon.
3. heavenly bob has decided to make another animal (or, whatever, evolution). what is the animal, and how much more work does the female do than the male?
Hmmmmm. I would invent a new kind of slug. It would be a slime free, invisible version that actually kills germs as it goes and is able to vaporize all other none invisible slugs within a 50 mile radius, all while releasing sweet and cleansing odours into the air and playing the tunes of Tom Jones and Madonna from a small speaker in its bottom. The women do all the work but that’s because there are no men. They re not necessary as these slugs reproduce by winking at each other.
4. you are a brit (no, really, look in the mirror, you’ll see.). have you ever had :
a) haggis (yes, i know that’s scottish, hello, it’s only about 20 mintues north of you. in the north.) – I once tried haggis when I was a small child. It was at a St George’s Day Party at Brownies. I thought it tasted ok as far as I can remember, but I turned veggie 9 years after so who knows if that played a part.
b) black pudding – yack no, yack. I am not a vampire you know. Not that black pudding is human blood or anything. But then it might be…it might be a weird government conspiracy. Shiver.
c) a scotch egg – yes, I remember thinking it was ok on the couple of occasions I had it. Tastes a bit like chocolate. (Ok, I’m lying.)
d) faggots (subquestion: what the heck is this anyway?) – I think they’re meatballs. Mr B will have eaten them, he’ll eat anything. I’ll check when he gets home and if I’m wrong I’ll eat my cat. UPDATE – I checked. I will not dining on ‘cat’ tonight.
e) which of these is the *most* wrong, and is the one which you will serve to me as a clue that you no longer want my friendship? will it come with lettuce or slug on the side?
Hmmm, I think I’d make you a ‘black pudding’ pudding. It would look really yummy on the outside, kind of like a very attractive sock, but on the inside it would look like your insides. Nice. Oh and I wouldn’t put slug and lettuce with it, but a nice raspberry compote and some English custard. Yum.
5. the slugs that plague you have formed a shanty-town complete with makeshift slug cinema near your fridge. there are no hammers in your house, as mr b has taken them to use as backup mallets at his latest gig. you decide that the greenest thing would be to try to recycle the slugs. what do you make out of them?
I have several ideas but I will begin with the ones I couldn’t do as I am far too nice.
I COULDN’T roast them for a few minutes, scoop out their innards and create attractive faux leather handbags for Barbie dolls.
I COULDN’T boil them until they blow up into enormous grey balls and sell them as balloons to squirrels.
But I COULD attach 8 strands of fresh spaghetti to them and put them in the party bags for Miss M’s friends to use as those weird rubber spiders you dip in washing up liquid then hurl at unsuspecting walls where they stick and then wibble their way down in an odd but strangely endearing way.
Oh, and I’ll remind you of the rules again if you’d like me to interview you.
Here’s the directions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the
questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask
them five questions.
Laura, AOJ, Potty Mummy, Lilac Specs, Dan, Karisma and Maureen have all volunteered to be interviewed so far and questions will be winging their way to them soon.
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January 20th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Black pudding. Evil. I say no more.
January 20th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
again…..you could interview me…or come on by and ask a question on my 500th post that is up.
loved this. Holly asks the BEST quetsions…and your role of the roll that rolls, had me totally rolling.
January 20th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Black pudding is one of the most vile things I think human kind has thought to ingest. I mean, seriously, who really thought that eating a bloodclot with their morning eggs would be a good idea?
January 20th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
jo, how can you effectively snog whilst sipping a double chocca mocha? if you’re going to snog, are drinks not completely irrelevant, unless you’re doing that ’six weeks’ thing (i hope i reffed the right movie there…)
wow! slugs have a very boring sex life. i never knew.
and whew on the very narrowly avoided cat dinner. yay!
THOSE were simply fantastic ways you couldn’t harm slugs, jo.
i love you to absolute bits. i laughed most of the way through this. there was a point where i wasn’t laughing, but that was because i was wheezing from *over* laughter. thanks.
January 20th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
You must be a “’soft southerner’ then? Given that most Brits eat sausages without so much as a ‘by your leave’, (do you know what goes into them), black pudding is no worse – and tastier. Believe me. Dare you!
January 21st, 2009 at 1:48 am
OMFG! These questions totally freaked me out! You go easy on me you hear? Im old! Geez I though teletubbies went into extinction ages ago! There used to be a fat little LaLa running around our house once upon a time! I used to torture it with tickles!
As for all those (food?) questions, I have never eaten any of them, I relinquish my heritage to anyone else who wants to give it a go! It’s bad enough that I seem to be the only person on the planet who actually likes to eat brussel sprouts, It was forced upon me as a child) thats about as English as I get apart from my pale skin! (My mum nearly got her mum kicked out of Scotland when she innocently inquired, what that “Horrible Noise” was whilst visiting relatives! (Bagpipes are also an acquired taste it seems!) I am quite willing to subject you all to some damper (a massively large scone). Nice Aussie food! Its good stuff!
Hey Expat Mum: Down here sausages consist mainly of bread! Unless you live at my house where they are purely chicken for the carnivores around here who must have some meat! Yukky! (Yes a real sausage roll made at my house consists of spinach and fetta cheese made fresh by yours truly! Of course sometimes you may get one filled with lentils! ) Oh dear! Its no co-incidence that I happen to like those sprouts! hehe!
January 21st, 2009 at 3:42 am
Would agree with you on most of that (especially the new species of slug) except the black pudding. Which I quite liked (as long as someone else cooked it) but will now never be able to eat again as you have put me off it with your vampiric comments.
Thanks. A. Lot.
January 21st, 2009 at 1:00 pm
A new kind of slug? Really? Do we really need more slugs?
January 21st, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I rather liked the ’stretch’ actor remark and the baguette … nice .. but I have to ask.. is David able to rise to the role of bread?
And I was SO disappointed to read his role was as a roll and not a roll in the wherever with you!
January 21st, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Those were excellent questions! Your answers were good too!
January 21st, 2009 at 3:35 pm
AOJ, you know I never tried it, it’s just the thought of it? Bleurghhhh.
Corey I will my lovely. Must get thinking. And yay for the rolling.
Lilacs, you just made me a little bit sick in my nouth. Blood clots. Heave.
Holl, I love you too, and the drinks and goodies were for energy, what with all the snogging.
Expat, I’m an East Midland softie,, heh heh, Though my town has been in the top 10 of Phil and Kirsty’s worse places to live in the UK a couple of times. Sighhh, proud. But I’ve been a veggie since I was 16, and while sausages are indeed full of bumholes and toenails, they look nicer. Mr B likes black pudding fried. But I just couldn’t.
Karisma, I do like sprouts, it’s just nobody likes me when I’ve had them. ;D
I promise I’ll be gentle with the questions hon. Well quite gentle.
Potty, I suppose black pudding would be like veggie food for vampires?? So it would be ok. Ok?
Jen, but with my slug there would be less slugs. There’s always room for a slug like that I reckon.
Daryl, thatt kind of would maybe come after the snogging. ;D
Akela thanks lovely. My Holly is a talented lady.