I still haven’t broached the subject of S E X with Miss E. Having read and digested your comments on that post, and chatting to family and a few of her friend’s mums, Mr B and I decided it was ok to wait a while. I mean, she’s not even eight and a half yet. I’m thinking this time next year might be good, but obviously is she approaches the subject before then that will be the right time too.
I have wondered a little about how much, if anything, she might already know. I mean, so many stories and rumours wend their way around schools don’t they? LIke the one about the tiny man who lived in a cupboard in the kitchen and had to taste all the food to check it wasn’t poisoned. (Or was that just my Primary School?)
So I was a little relieved when the following conversation occurred the other day…
Miss E: ”K’s Mum is having a baby Mum.”
Me: ”Ahhh that’s lovely hon. Has she got a new boyfriend?”
She raises an eyebrow and scrunches her nose.
Miss E: ”No. I don’t think so.”
Me: ”Ok.”
I left it there.
It brings to mind another conversation we had last August when she was playing on her new DS Zoo Tycoon game.
Miss E slumps into the living room and falls heavily onto the settee. I look up and smile then return to my book. She lets out an enormous sigh.
Me: ”What’s up E?”
Miss E: ”I can’t get any babies on my DS. It’s so annoying. I really want a baby turtle.”
Me: ”Bring it here and let’s have a look. Maybe there’s something wrong with their habitat?”
Miss E: ”No. It’s perfect.”
I take the game from her and glance at the tiny turtles wandering around their enclosure. I check their food, their ‘contentment levels’. It all looks good. Then I notice something.
Me: ”I think you might need a girl turtle in there sweetie.”
She frowns at me. It’s obvious I’ve gone mad.
Miss E: ”You don’t Mummy. D doesn’t on hers.”
Me: ”Oh right. Well just, erm, try it babe. You never know…”
So she does, and they do, and low and behold a child is born.
Miss E: ”It worked Mum. Brilliant. Look at the cute baby.”
Me: ”Ahhhh. It’s lovely hon. What a cutie.”
And we smile at each other and then down at the tiny new computerised life we have created. And I wait for the question.
The “Why?”
The ”How?”
But she is too busy feeding and petting the baby so I sneak away to make a cuppa. Yeah I know, I’m a coward.
If it makes you feel any better though, Miss M asked me today how babies come out of their mummies.
Me: ”Oh, erm, they have to work very hard M. Do you want some fruit flakes?”
Four years and 5 days is definitely too young right?
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January 30th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I think it’s never too young, I mean you don’t have to whole hog on the first discussion, but I always answer questions straight and if it’s too much they will forget it anyway. Try Babette Cole’s ‘Mummy laid an egg’. Have a read yourself first, but my girls have had that book for ages!!
January 30th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I’ve got that one ready. It’s brilliant.
I’ll have to get it out.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I was always told that they will ask when they really want to know, and the depth of their questions is the depth of the answer you should give. So you are doing exactly right, Jo, which does not surprise me at all. I think your kids are going to be so well balanced….
but I do have to tell you, since MM and I have been living here and raising Mustang Girl, I have sprouted a few gray hairs, and I attribute them to some of the “talks” I have had with this fourteen year old girl. I am starting to feel old….
January 30th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I was going to say that turtles don’t have babies they have eggs, but that subject has already been addressed here (thanks a lot Berthddusuit). So I’ll just say that this whole baby thing has always been a mystery to me, but I know it has something to do with oysters and hot-dogs.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Ahhhh. Fourteen is the age isn’t it. I remember that’s when I really started to wonder about stuff. Hormones had kicked in, I knew a bit and I had so many questions. Scary and yet cool as well. I bet you’re doing a fantastic job with Mustang Girl hon.
January 30th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
To a point I think the earlier the better, they are growing up so fast these days, and from experience I know the conversation in the playground way surpasses what it was in my day, I’d rather they knew fact from fiction before they get pregnant with oysters and hot dogs!!
January 30th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
i nearly had a heart attack once on a highway that winds through a mountain you do NOT want to swerve on – the children in the back were whispering. and i heard the nine year old whisper to my four year old (and her four year old friend) “and then the man pees into the woman”
struggling to not crash us off a mountain, i said “UM ! NO NO NO!!! i think you’ll have to talk to your mom on that one, but that is NOT what happens.”
“what does happen, auntie holly?”
“um…oh wow, look at that over there! isn’t that huge rock cool?”
January 30th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Personally I’d say that it’s never to young. But then again I also say that it’s the parent’s choice so whatever feels right.
January 31st, 2009 at 1:20 am
I go with the never to young point of view, as well. Though, as R is only two and a half, I haven’t had to cross many of those bridges yet. She (kind of) knows what a tampon is, and knows that babies grow in their mummy’s tummies. As she gets older, I know the questions will be become harder.
I always knew what happened. We had a book with some very hippy-looking (very appropriate in my household) parents in that told you all about it. But my parents were always very open with me and answered all my questions honestly. Though I do remember being shocked, when staying over at a friend’s house, to see her parents both wandering around making breakfast stark naked. My parents weren’t that open!
January 31st, 2009 at 2:13 am
My mother left out age appropriate literature on the bookshelf in an obvious place where we could get to it and read it. It was all easily explained with pictures and everything, so nothing was a mystery. I helped us kids a lot and if we had questions, we asked an older sibling to explain it to us. I think my mother herself was a little bit uncomfortable with the subject.
January 31st, 2009 at 2:48 am
With my son who’s 6 today (!) I tend to answer questions in a very ‘matter of fact’ way, although I don’t tend to delve into too much detail.
He generally learns stuff at his own pace, and always asks questions when he thinks it’s important to know the answer.
So far no big discussions, but we’ve had a couple of little talks about birth with him as the main subject.
Although I imagine for a young girl the whole thought of getting pregnant and giving birth is a very difficult thing to get their head round – it would me!
January 31st, 2009 at 3:59 am
Just answer the questions as they arise I’d say, then have the proper talk round about 10 -11 before the monthlys start.
January 31st, 2009 at 4:44 am
Hrm…I think 4 is a bit young to explain how the baby gets in there but I don’t think it’s too young to try to explain how it comes out.
January 31st, 2009 at 6:50 am
Do you know I genuinely can’t remember if I had ‘the chat’ with my Mum or not. Or if I learnt about it all from watching Purple Rain (Mum used to fast forward through that bit but I once sneakily rewound – so cunning
Anyway I’m still trying to figure out how D’s turtles managed to reproduce….
February 2nd, 2009 at 2:52 am
We love “Mummy laid an Egg”. Someone gave it to us when Four was born and she pretty much knows it off by heart now. Sometimes she asks us about how babies are made and we just tell her matter of factly that mummies and daddies have a ’special kind of cuddle like in that book’ and then we move right along to the baby in the tummy part. She can get quite technical about the seed pods, though and has asked if her baby brother “keeps his seeds in his penis or the squidgey bits next to them” (ahem!) but she’s so matter of fact about it all that we’ve ceased to be embarrassed and find it rather charming. Hilariously, she was the only person at the zoo who was prepared to stay and watch with great interest when the lemurs were having a shag. Other parents hustled their offspring off at an alarming rate but Four calmly said “They’re only trying to make a little lemur. I don’t see what the problem is”