Why is it that the day after you’ve achieved something you feel like pants? Seriously I feel like a penguin who is too small to reach the biscuit shelf and can’t find the key for the chocolate cupboard. Sighhhhh.
I’m sad. Mr B’s mum has phoned and made me feel like the worse person on earth just for being honest with my feelings. I’m knackered. My kids are up and down emotion wise and it’s killing me to see them going through this even though they’re mostly up. And Mr B is so angry and sad at times, and where I’d normally be the one to comfort him I can’t do that anymore.
I’m not having second thoughts, I’m still sure it’s right, but I suppose the enormity of packing up our life and moving on is hitting me, along with the exhaustion of cleaning, packing, organizing the sale of one house and moving into another while trying to keep two small girls as buoyant as I can and show my family that I can do this. That I can be a grown up and take care of two small girls who I am ripping from a familiar environment and thrusting into another.
My PMDD is hitting I suppose, but also I am tired and scared and emotional. I didn’t want this for my life. I didn’t plan for it, I didn’t hope for it, I didn’t dream it. I wanted a happy marriage that lasted until the day we both curled our toes up. But sadly, for many reasons that’s not to be.
It’s mad what a few words on the telephone can do to a person isn’t it? Part of me is angry with myself that I’ve let those words do this. I mean, maybe I’m seeing something that wasn’t there? Maybe I’m reading into things?
But I don’t think I deserve this. Why is life so blumming complicated people?
Ack. I’m going to wash my face and grab some chocolate. Ignore me. It’ll all be better in the morning.
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April 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Ignore you? Forget it, we’re all ears, in fact my school friends would say I was about 50% ears – kids are cruel.
Hang on in there, it is OK to feel however you feel, and good that you can appreciate a full range of emotions, your life is richer for it.
Have a better tomorrow.
Always.
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Your MIL is entitled to her opinion, I guess, but she’s not allowed to make you feel bad without your permission.
So don’t let her!
Hope tonight finds you sleeping soundly and tomorrow is a better day.
xoxo
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:00 pm
((((hugs)))) frankly I don’t listen to my MIL and I’m happily married, there is no way in hell I’d be listening if I were going through what you are. You and the girls at your own unit now, and for their sake you need to stay friends/polite with MrB. But you are doing this for a reason, whatever that maybe. So all that matters is that you all happy with it and each other. MIL is probably grieving and will calm down soon. Have your chocolate, tomorrow is another day x
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
MIL is not in the marriage. She is only related to it. My Mom, ironically, got really angry with my divorce and wanted to take on my ex. I told her to back off.
It is hard. Especially with two children. But you are doing wonderful. Mr. B is the only one you need to communicate with, and you are…
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Even though I hate my wife, we’ve been together over 28yrs simply because we couldn’t face what you’re going through right now, and that’s without any kids involved. (I don’t hate my wife)
April 2nd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Love you too much to ignore you, but what I will do is not harrass you. Sounds as if you’ve had enough of that. Bleh. It can’t not be hard, but even though you don’t feel it right this moment, you are fabulous and brave and all kinds of wonderful.
April 2nd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
you don’t have to take that jo. you are too nice, and she’s taking advantage of it.
you can be strong, my lovely. pursue what *you* want. people are going to be upset along the way, but it will work out in the end.
this woman is upset, and she thinks that the best thing is to make you feel bad. she’s misguided.
if you must talk to her, remind her that it is at your choice, and that you are looking after your children’s best interests, which involves having a happy mother, something her phone call does not make.
OR you could just say ‘hang on, i have zerilda on the other line….’ and then of course, i will be on the other line.
April 3rd, 2009 at 4:52 am
Be strong – it takes loads and loads of effort, but if you know you’ve made the right decision then the only thing everyone needs to do now is make it all as smooth as it can possibly be. I’ve been there; I know what it’s like. It WILL get better…
April 3rd, 2009 at 5:56 am
SPD I’m sure your ears are absolutely beautiful just like the rest of you. And thanks. You’re right. I always tell my kids to just ‘feel what they feel’ and that that’s ok. I’m feeling better today as I’ve not got time to be on a downer. I’m packing packing packing. Phew! Where did we get all this stuff??
Sybil thanks so much my lovely. You are amazing. I think I was mad at myself for giving her permission you know?? But sometimes a good cry is cathartic isn’t it. Today there is a smile lurking. I can feel it.
Liz thank you. I just dunked a Fry Chocolate Cream in a cup of tea and I feel much better. I know we’ll het there, it would just be nice to miss this bit out I suppose.
Mie you’re right. Mr B and I are doing ok most of the time. I think once we’ve actually left he’ll be able to think about what he wants and have some space. Hugs.
WT, you always make me smile. And I know you don’t hate your wife. She must be a saint.
Kim thanks so much. And your kind of harassment I could take a ton of. Love you loads.
Zerilda, you are so wise my sweet. And I will get her on the phone when you come see me. ;D Mwah.
Tim thank you. It really helps when people who’ve been there tell you it will be ok. It is the right thing to do so we will keep on keeping on. x
April 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 am
Oh she was wrong to call. She was wrong to meddle. She does not live your life so she really should not have said one single word. OTOH, she’s a mother whose child (even tho he is an adult) is hurting and I think she was trying to fix his hurt …
If there is a next time, please tell her that you ‘get’ she’s upset, so are you but her attitude is not helping .. then reassure her she will still see her adorable granddaughters .. its not as if you are running away with them .. I do think that’s part of her worry
How annoying am I? I know, I always see both sides …
April 3rd, 2009 at 10:36 am
You could try the patent la la la approach. Don’t know that one? You put your hands over your ears, and repeat la la la in a loud sing-song voice until they’ve all gone away and left you alone. Then you eat some chocolate.
April 5th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
hugs! I wish I had been here when you needed me. Instead, I was away on business. I hope things are looking up. I need to go read to find out. I started at the first one I missed, and working my way to present.
hugs!