Call me Maam

Sat, Apr 18, 2009


I have decided.  

I am almost definitely royalty.

I’ve been considering the possibility for a while, but recent occurrences, along with your comments yesterday, have persuaded me.

So, from this day forward I wish to be addressed as Queen Jo Beaufoix, High Empress and Madame Monarch of the Molluscs, Sovereign of the Slime,  Guarder of the Gastropods, Regent of the Reticulatums.

It seems something about my personage is attractive to the disgusting slimey fiends, so I might as well get something out of it right?

So, this is my plan.

I will issue a proclamation declaring my demands in return for the use of my kitchen as a, erm, slug meeting place.  It will read thus…

On entry to Chez Queen Beaufoix all none shell wearing small, legless icky creatures must:-

1.  Pay £4.27 for the pleasure of leaving sticky residue on my floor.

2.   Avert their eyes and antennae when I enter the room.

3.  Cover their pneumostomes with a pink tutu, a pair of polka dot pantaloons or a ham sandwich whenever my children are around.

4.   Not sing anything by Glenn Medeiros, Chris De burgh or Mr Blobby, ever.  That’s, EVER.

I think that will do nicely.

Oh, and apparently, during research inspired by the gorgeous Karisma I have discovered that  “To dream that slugs are coming frm inside your body, suggests that you are having difficulties expressing some aspect of your emotion. Consider where in your body are the slugs coming out from.”

Isn’t that a lovey thought?

Frankly I’d rather have the real things in my kitchen rather than inside my head and coming out of my, well, anywhere really.  


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13 Responses to “Call me Maam”

  1. Kimberly Says:

    Yes, it’s only right you should get a title out of the ordeal! Bow slugs! Bow!


  2. Maternal Tales Says:

    Crikey – yes you don’t want them coming out of your body. Yuck. Yes, definitely more salt needed I think… Maam…


  3. The Gossamer Woman Says:

    Ma’am, how would you like your slugs served today? With or without salt?


  4. Sybil Law Says:

    Just round ‘em all up and sell them to the French – those French will eat anything! :)
    Seriously – will someone explain to me the slug situation? Because it just blows my mind. I think someone told me before, but UGH! My mind must’ve blocked it out.


  5. Iota Says:

    If you really want to be called maam, you could just move to the midwest. Still can’t get used to my children’s friends calling me “Mrs Bloggs” instead of my first name, and kids I don’t know addressing me as “maam”.

    Hey. Mrs Bloggs. That’s rather an apt name, now I come to think about it.

    But slugs. Hm. I don’t even have anything to say about slugs. Yuk.


  6. Akelamalu Says:

    Oh I hate slugs, nasty, horrible,slimy things. :(


  7. More than Just a Mother Says:

    Slugs? In your HOUSE? Eeuuuuuwwwwwww – why? How? I need to read back…


  8. Daryl Says:

    Stepping over the slime comments and wondering so where DO your dream slugs come out of anyway????????????


  9. moannie Says:

    We had slugs in our living room..ugh! Could not put poison down [had no compunction about killing the yuks] because of Milou the dog. Eventually hit on the idea of putting the poison under the very heavy couch and it worked- only three of the horrors, but what a slimy mess they made.


  10. Jewels Says:

    Go Gettem Jo!

    Although, I would pay some serious money to see you put a slug in a tutu! LOL.


  11. Cath Says:

    Hmmm. Me needs to do some reading. Slugs. Uck! and Ugh!
    Coming out of your body in your dreams? Double Yuk!

    Where out of your body? And what would that mean?


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