You don’t have to bow.
No really.
And I won’t expect you to call me ‘Maam’, or ‘Your Majesty’, in fact I may not even take on the title of ‘Princess’ though Misses E and M may have something to say about that.
And if any of you curtsey, or do that thing where your head has to be lower than mine when you meet me, then I will be extremely embarrassed and may have to execute you, which would be most unpleasant and might put me off my dinner so I’d rather you didn’t.
Nb. Your head may be lower than mine if you are short. I just don’t want anyone ducking ok? Good.
So how have I come by my new found ‘Royalness’?*
Well, I awoke this morning to find my back was blumming killing me. It was fine when I went to sleep. Perfectly ok when I nipped to the bathroom about 2pm. But by this morning it was agony. It was the kind of hurty hurt that makes big tough hairy men cry like babies and call for their Mummies. And it has only worsened as the day has progressed.
So why does that make me a princess??
Well isn’t it blumming obvious?
An evil grocery mongering swine has shoved something small, round and green beneath my mattress.
How rude!
So I’m going to be spending the evening searching for the offending vegetable and then soaking in a hot bath in the hope of relieving my royal acheyness. **
* ‘Tis so a word because I am a princess.
**’Tis also so a word because I am a princess
NB If you are gracious enough to leave a comment I’ll have a footman answer it and may bestow upon you a title, a tiara or your own small country depending on how flattering you are. No need to thank me.
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September 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Mmmmm. Would that be the same pea that bothered you last time you went out drinking at the weekend and didn’t sleep in your own bed?!!You are wonderful, I would like a small country, please. Somewhere hot but I’m not too fussed, mam.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Or is it Maam, or maybe Marm as in Marmite?
September 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
A greengrocer with swine flu is cultivating sprouts under ones bed?
Surely one needs to get pest control to deal with such a situation?
I hope the royal bath of bubblyness soothed Your Majesty’s achynessess.
*Curtsey*
September 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
So that’s where me pea rolled to…
Uh? Oh – sorry Miss, I mean Ma’am.
Have you seen a pea anywhere?
September 15th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
All my pea’s get fed to my Betta fish, who, happen to like the disgusting things. And I doubt highly my betta fish shoved a pea under your bed, unless they are faster swimmers than I thought them to be.
They would like an underwater castle
September 16th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Rosie no bad backs for me last time, but this time, owwwwwwww. It’s got worse overnight. I could barely get out of bed this morning and E and M had to drag a chair over for me to drag myself into. It really hurts. And Helly had to take the girls to school for me. You feel bad now don’t you? But I’ll forgive you.
Insomniac Mummy, ohhh that was moooost gracious. I dub thee Lady Insomniac of the Mummies, and you can have Australia ok.
Thumbelina, never let your pea darken my blog again. But thanks for your honesty. I shall reward it by not beheading you.
Mie, I shall send them their castle, and a years supply of peas. Forsooth.
September 16th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Is it a kumquat under there?!! < Maybe the worst sentence I’ve ever typed. I get flustered around royalty.