Somewhere in my house there is a germ laden piece of evil yuckiness. It’s probably a troll or a toothless gremlin or the opposite of a brownie. (No not that kind of brownie although the opposite of that would be a rice cake or something.) No, I mean the kind of brownie who comes into your house in the middle of the night and makes it all shiny and sparkly in exchange for gifts of porridge.
Evidence of their being said creature of darkness in my humble abode is:
1. A random piece of cornflake beneath Miss E’s bed.
We do not buy cornflakes, and if we did she would not eat them under her bed.
2. A small sticky finger print on the handle of a very high cupboard which Miss M just could not possibly reach without climbing on stuff which she would NEVER do.
3. The fact that I’m going out tonight and I have a really quite spotty chin.
The last one’s a dead give away isn’t it? Obviously a grubby fingered little other worldly being has been visiting me in the night and infesting my pores with grot. But not just any old grot. No, special technical grot with a clever timing device that means they are set to erupt on the eve of my venturing into Mansfield to partake of some fine ales in a couple of local hostelries.
Tsk.
I wonder how you get rid of mythical, mischievous, only just made up fairy folk?
I bet vinegar would do it.
Or maybe baking soda?
Hmmmm, I will ponder this as I down a few beverages, and if I come up with anything I might let you know when I return in the wee small hours.
UPDATE
It’s 12.11pam.
Whoops.
Who is Pam? Pam has nothing to do with this.
Anyway, it’s 12.12am and I am home. The brownie opposites, hmmm, what colour would they be? Ack I don’t know. Let’s just call them the evil little pustule causing plague mongerers, seem to have not arrived yet. Maybe they only come when I’m in bed. But I have laid a trap of jaffa cakes and flumps. My theory is that they will munch the jaffa cakes then get so confused as to why flumps are called flumps that they will still be pondering this when I wake up tomorrow. Once I have seen them them they will have to banish themselves as they are probably not allowed to be seen by humans.
Ha.
They have no chance and I am a genius.
Mwah ha ha haaaaa.
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October 2nd, 2009 at 10:55 am
I think you need to start hanging garlic around the house.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:19 am
Those Not Brownies and their filthy chin spotting grottiness, tut tut.
Have a point of HobGoblin while you’re out, the lingering smell of it may just scare the little filth mongers away.
October 2nd, 2009 at 11:53 am
Depending on how many ales you have, you may see pink elephants instead of brownies! Have a great evening x
October 2nd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I think you need to outnumber the bad fairies with the good ones. And if you figure that out, let me know!
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Time to get a kitty!
Otherwise, have a fabulous time tonight! I’m glad you’re going out – and hope you blog after your few drinks.
I’m sure you’re lovely, as always, spots or not!
October 2nd, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I always get spots before a night out, grrrrr! Those damn Brownies!!!
October 3rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Hold on – don’t tell me you were tiddly last night as well as tonight?? Just got your wave on Twitter. You wonderful lady. Hope you have a fab night. Mwah xxxxx
October 3rd, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Evil little imp! I believe they have visited me too! and I am across the ocean!
October 4th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Ha! Evil thing is right. Yes, you definitely need a guard cat. Hope you had a great time.
October 4th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
And flumps are…? (Am I the opposite to a Brownie then because I have no idea what they are? blast! I am discovered!)