Miss E is 9 years old and in year 5. As an August birthday she is one of the youngest in her year, but has always been comfortable with school and coped very much with the work. Like me, she’s a bit of a pleaser, which is fine as long as she learns not to take too much on or please others to the point she forgets her own happiness. But all in all school life so far has been something she has loved. She has had an amazing work ethic, a great love for learning and is inspired by results, praise and good teaching.
So what’s the problem?
Well twice over the last month, my enthusiastic, bubbly, hard working 9 year old has uttered the following words,
“I hate school.”
And it seriously bothers me.
She’s gone 4 years without ever feeling the need to express herself in this way, even though in years 1 and 2 she had some issues with a bully who made life hard at times, and in year 3 she was separated from her best friends and really struggled to settle, and in year 4 her teacher had to take on the role of Head as the current head was off ill, so she had three other teachers over the course of the year. Even then, she liked school.
So why now? What’s changed? What has turned my hard working little girl into a stressed out, frightened, angry version of the Miss E I know?
Homework.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s always had homework. Last year she was bringing home spellings, a reading challenge, occasional numeracy and the odd science task, and we managed. She progressed, she coped, it was fine.
This year though, each week she has spellings, numeracy, science, reading challenge and so far a huge project each half term. The first one involved the infamous mountain, and was basically a list of about 30 tasks each worth various points, from which she needed to pick enough to attain a score of around 25 – 40.
She managed 40, but it was hard going and there were tears, headaches, tantrums, and fear. She was overwhelmed by the task, but also by her teacher(who I’ve always thought was a nice woman,) who seems to ‘encourage’ by threat rather than reward.
When the project was over, Miss E received a certificate, but her actual written work had no comments on it. No ticks, no stickers, no ‘well dones’, no corrections, not even a smear of pen or a ring of coffee to signal it had ever been opened!! I mean seriously people, this was self directed learning. It involved research, creativity, commitment, meeting deadlines, presentation skills, and covered numeracy, literacy and science to fairly high levels. It would have been a huge project for a student in Secondary school, never mind a Primary student in the first term of year 5.
To add insult to injury, on the day the work was handed in, as my pretty much exhausted child broke up for half term, the class were issued with a piece of homework for every day of their ‘holiday.’
These are 9 and 10 year old children. They have worked their skinny little arses off, but instead of praising them to the high heavens and allowing them to enjoy their bloody break and have a well deserved rest, she gives them a ton more homework.
AND, the other year 5 class have nothing like the amount of work E’s class has had, and have had no projects to complete at home. I know this for a fact as my friend has twins and one is in each class, so you can imagine the situation at her house…
I am so angry.
And, AND, Miss ’spare the rod and spoil the child’ hasn’t marked any of the homework E has literally given sweat and tears for already, except for the ‘reading challenges’ which in my opinion are a bloody waste of time anyway as E is an avid reader and is not encouraged to read more by having to write a review and draw a picture. She’s done them since year one and they are at this point unnecessary and tedious.
E now has a project to complete over the next 4 weeks. Each group has been given a famous Victorian to write about. E has Charlotte Bronte. I’ve talked her through the basics of Jane Eyre. We’ve looked at Charlotte’s life and what it meant to be a woman and a writer in that era, but the guidelines for this project are strict, and again, instead of encouraging them to enjoy their work and just maybe see what they make of it. She has also had Miss E in tears with her warning that she must list all sources, and if there is any sign that any of their work is copied, then that is against the law and they will be fined.
I’ve explained to E that this happens at University, but in year 5? Well, I was very tempted to tell E her teacher was talking out of her bottom, but I refrained.
I sadly missed Parents Evening as it was during the week of the lurgy, but I will be seeing her next week and will have a few things to discuss…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for my child being challenged, but this is like torture. When is my child supposed to play? When does she get to relax? When is she allowed to be a kid?
Any tips on how to handle this would be fabulous.
November 26th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I strongly urge you head over to stophomework.com a BRILLIANT website written by author Sara Bennett, who campaigns and writes about the need to reduce homework and let kids be kids.
There’s loads of research, information, ideas and even letters that I really think will help you present your argument to the teacher.
Personally, I’d be tempted to record how much time your daughter is spending on homework, talk to other parents and compare notes – and then approach the teacher and say “We’re doing X minutes per night” and “We’d like to get this down to X minutes on X nights”. Sara’s website has some much better ways of putting it, but it’s about negotiating with the school to try and get a better balance.
Good luck, I think you’re absolutely right to be angry.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Thanks so much Sally. I will definitely have a good look and then formulate a plan. It’s actually made her ill. She’s getting stys, losing sleep and is so so tired. It makes me so mad.
November 26th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
My God! that is outrageous! I got a headache just thinking about all that work. Poor Miss E and poor you.
Sorry i have nothing constructive to add.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Thanks Heather. Even knowing people agree and I’m not just being neurotic really helps.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
You need to speak to her teacher and sort this out asap. I hear there is also a new head starting, from what I’ve heard he is good and will be making a few changes where changes are needed. So if the situation doesn’t improve as you want it to, that’s another door to knock on. Do it!
November 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Thanks Rosie. I will and you’re right. x
November 26th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I’d get together with Mr B and present a united front. Write down your points beforehand too so you feel secure you’re not going to forget anything.
I am rather militaristic about homework. I did zero all the way through my schooling and really don’t see it’s done me any harm at all.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Dan that is a good idea. A united front can only be a good thing. And he is scarier than me. Mwah ha ha haaaa. Seriously though, I will do this. Miss E needs us to.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Bend her teacher over and quicke her square in the arse with a spikey shoe.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Lilacs I will. She needs a kick up the arse.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
That’s rubbish.
Bury the bloomin teacher under the mountain.
Can you ask for a class transfer?
November 26th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Good idea. The thing is, she’s so happy with the people in that class. I think she’d even be happy with the teacher if only she didn’t put so much pressure on. The annoying thing is, this woman has children, so you’d think she’s know. Also, I worry for those kids who don’t have parents that will sit down with them and support them. They must just be sinking.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
that was supposed to be kick.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Hee hee, I guessed.
November 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Hi Jo. I found your site via Twitter, (RT of this blog by @alisonwells). I have quite a bit of experience with school “issues”. I’m in the US, but it doesn’t sound like there’s much difference in systems. My youngest son sounds a lot like your Miss E. He excels at almost everything he tries, but if not recognized for that effort he quickly becomes downtrodden. Heck, who wouldn’t?! He’s 10 now and in 5th grade, and this has been the tougest year for him yet, mainly because of his teacher. My oldest son is 12, has autism, and had this same teacher before. We had to speak to her about the same things with him. Without writing an entire blog of my own, (which I just may do anyway), my advice is to schedule a meeting with the teacher and tell her what you want, exactly. Go in with a plan drawn up, and let her know what her reward will be for complying – the reward being that you won’t go to her supervisor. It’s important to have your plan written up, mainly to emphasize the fact that you’re serious, but also to give her something to refer to if she’s unsure whether or not she’s “allowed” to give Miss E. homework on a particular evening or not, or whatever.
Miss E. sounds like a brilliant child. She deserves to have that brilliance recognized, which will only help her grow more brilliant. I wish you the best of luck.
You might like to check out my website – go to ‘family life’ and ‘autism’ categories for blogs about many like situations.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Hi Deanna, and thanks. That is another good idea. It’s likely we’ll do a mish mash of them all. Miss E is a little star and I’m so proud of her, but I want her to be proud of herself too. Right now she feels like a failure and that makes me so mad.
November 26th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
go for it and if you need back up i will come along. It is tough going and i have three lots of homework to rememeber to do! ( i know the younger ones dont get alot but it is easy to forget they have any!)
November 26th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Sharon thanks hon. And you’re right, I don’t know how you manage with your three. I overlook Miss M at times as I’m helping E and it’s not fair. I’ll let you know how I get on. x
November 26th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
We don’t want to get ME started on this rant! I will say I don’t believe in homework although my daughter currently has to do it as she seems to get taught nothing at school. I can say that we get more done in an hour at home than the kids did all day in the class room with all the swapping and changing and lining up etc.
As for the age thing. One of mine was 4 1/2 when she started school. She also was good academically but emotionally it kicked her in the butt at around year 5. Girls have a tendency to get nasty around that stage in school and if a child is not emotionally ready for it, it can cause a lot of problems for them. My girl did not cope with it at all and became very introverted. Wish I had of known about homeschooling back then. They still do not broadcast that it is an option down here.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
You’re right on the emotional maturity making a difference Karisma. E is with some kids pretty much a whole year older than her and at times the age gap does show. I just wish her teacher could see them as individuals instead of what seems like group badgering. Her expectations seem so high yet she gives so little back to them. It makes me sad.
November 26th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Homework is a big bugbear with me. MaxiMad who is 4 has a book a night to read in addition to a project once a week and I have already spoken to his teacher about it.
I am a firm believer that it is unnecessary and if they can not teach it in school, then we shouldn’t have to do it at home. The level of work and the fact that it is inconsistent across the school year, then it would imply to me that the teacher is not managing her workload correctly.
I agree that you need to speak to the teacher and if necessary the head of year too. Primary school should be a joy.
I dont care if my children are academic and good at learning, they are babies and should just be having fun. You daughter is 9, this is ridiculous. I think that if you go in calming with your complaints listed as the above you will do fine.
Good luck and cant wait to here the outcome.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Madhouse thank you, And omg your 4 year old has a book a night? That’s unbelievable. Miss M has a book each week and words to learn but there is no set time limit and she is fine. I read to her every night anyway, but to be honest she’s so tired after school that I can’t imagine doing what you’re having to do with Maximad. They’re still babies!
November 26th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I am completley on your side. I would speak to the teacher asap and then go straight to head. It needs sorting now so christmas holidays aren’t ruined too.xxx
November 26th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Thanks lovely. You’re right. And I hope little J is doing ok. GIve her big hugs from Auntie Jo and E and M won’t you? And a squeeze for ME too. x
November 26th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
Interesting, this. As teachers, some of us were browbeaten into issuing homework on the grounds that ‘parents expected it’, and this in spite of the fact that there is not one scrap of evidence to suggest that it has an impact on academic progress. I taught in secondary schools, mind. There were a lot of kids like Dan.
But I digress. Whatever work is set, and however it is justified, it is always ALWAYS marked. This means identifying strengths and weaknesses and suggesting how a pupil can make progress. It does not – cannot – mean giving out certificates or mere ‘marks’. Honestly, Ofsted would fail a teacher (and a school) for less.
It’s difficult to judge the situation, but from an insider’s perspective it looks as though you might have some difficulties if you approach the teacher. (I’m probably wrong; I hope I am.) If so, the Head is your first port of call, followed by the Chair of Governors and the LEA. Parents can now raise their concerns with Ofsted, too. There’s plenty of redress. And the situation you describe is intolerable.
Interestingly, research consistently shows that the single biggest influence on educational attainment is parental involvement. So you’re on to a winner there, Jo!
November 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Jo, in the interest of writing my own blog on this subject, (and I will link to yours), I’ve been following this conversation.
Tim, you sound like an outstanding teacher. We need more like you! I neglected to say, in my earlier comment, that my oldest son had a teacher, from 2nd – 4th grade, who was instrumental in his success. She did everything in her power to help bring out the best in him and I don’t know what we would’ve done without her. Even with the high standards the government has set, thus making teacher’s jobs incredibly stressful, she found a way to make sure my son did well, without the need for too much homework. Of course he still had some, and we worked with him, as we still are, way too long after school, but had he gotten a different teacher during that time I’m certain he wouldn’t be enjoying school as much as he is now.
There are good teachers out there, and I feel blessed to have had this particular one in my oldest son’s life.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Deanna you’re so right and I’m glad you’ve had positive experiences too. I think that’s what’s so hard. Last Academic year Miss E thrived in a very unsettled year which included having four different teachers including one who didn’t seem to like children very much at all. She also witnessed mine and Mr B’s break up, and moved out of her home to my new place and weekends at Daddies. She also now shares with her room with her little sister.
One teacher made a difference though. She took her to one side and chatted with her. She gave E a chance to speak with another little girl in the same situation. She also spoke with me and was very supportive. So although E’s Year 4 was hard, she was not stressed, worked hard, achieved and had fun. I cannot thank her enough for that.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Thanks Tim. That is a brilliant insight for me. My Mum is also an ex Primary teacher and I’ve worked in secondary so I know what E is getting is too much. The not marking is worse though. I mean, who wants to complete a task when it;s not even read? It makes me so angry that her work isn’t valued yet there’s so much of it. I’m hoping speaking to her will help, but if not I will take it further. It’s affecting her health and I will not have that. She is too precious.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Whoops, I replied to this comment below Deanna’s Tim. Ack it’s nearly 1am. You’ll forgive me right?
November 26th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
God this is awful!
I have some real worries about Kai’s future education and this only goes to reinforce that. Things can’t stay this way surely? We’re setting up a generation of children to be anxious, terrified of failing, overworked and suffering from stress-related illnesses. It’s abusive! I can’t believe schools are allowed to get away with it.
Thank goodness for parents like you Jo who will speak out. I really hope that you manage to raise your concerns with someone who will listen.
Big hug to Miss E too – it sounds like she pours her heart and soul into her school work, bless her, she’s a real credit to you xx
November 26th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Josie I’m sure Kai will be fine as he has a Mummy who is already thinking about such things. It does worry me as E is a hard worker but very sensitive and a bit of a worrier. She needs encouragement and guidance by way of marking. She is so keen to learn but she needs feedback just like anyone else. She is credit and I’m so proud of her, but it shouldn’t be just me telling her.
November 26th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
Homework for every day of the holiday? How cruel. It suggests that her teaching is inadequate (but probably isn’t) needing so much topping up at home.
We’re fortunate in that this does not happen in Wales. Mine are five and eight and homework is minimal. Just a bit of reading, learning spellings from time to time and the occasional maths worksheet. It’s not a regular nightly thing. We can go whole weeks with none and we like it that way!
My children are both bright and intelligent, both bilingual and both reading and writing fluently. They haven’t done anything extra to what is already provided in school hours.
I think homework is vastly overrated and I’m delighted to see there’s a website to help people in your position.
The very best of luck with this. I hope sense will prevail and that you and Miss E get some time off from such a burden of homework. Could you just stop doing it now? What would the teacher do? It sounds as if Miss E has done quite enough!
PS: That’s a fabulous mountain!
November 26th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Mags, actually I wonder what she would do if we stopped. I think she would hassle E, as she’s already told her she needs to do more reading challenges – even though E is reading proper books that can take more than a week to read at times. And it would go against what E is comfortable with. I do agree that homework is overrated. I wish their attitude was more like that in your girl’s school. They sound fabulous, as do your girls.
November 26th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
This is extreme. I think parents should be consulted more over homework, sounds like there is no balance. Sort them out Jo
November 26th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I will Erica. I will give her your look. That should do it. If not, can I borrow Ernie?
November 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
My goodness! Homework EVERYDAY of the holidays? That is outrageous!
I’d be concerned too Jo. If you feel it’s too much then it basically is. You know your children better than anyone so if you need to take action do it, and justifiably so.
Learning should be fun and when a girl who enjoys learning is finding it a slog then there is definitely a problem.
(((Hugs))) I hope you manage to make the teacher see reason.
x
November 26th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Thanks lovely. That is definitely it. If a kid who likes learning is struggling, God help the ones who struggle already. It could do so much damage.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I would refuse to let her do the homework, then on return to school hand in a written explanation saying I withdrew my permission for my child to work in school holiday time as it is also MY holiday time. And I would take everyone else’s advice especially Tim’s. He knows what he is talking about – make a plan, mean business, stay calm and do it. I have been where you’re at and it is awful. I have one more to go…(well, primary is over now, just high school to deal with.)
I also have one with an August birthday and I got fed up of the number of times his report said he needed to be “more mature” or was “immature” for his age. He was a year younger than most of his peers!!! Grrrr.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
It is hard when they’re the little ones isn’t it? E is very bright and has always coped academically, but she’s lived a whole year less than some and it shows at times. It would be weird if it didn’t. Hope High School is easier for your gorgeous boy, but if not he has a good Mummy on his side. I do like the idea of saying she will not work in the holidays. Or I could just say she will only do a minimum amount.
Hmmm, much to ponder. Thanks.
November 27th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Its nuts it really is. We didn’t get homework until we were 11 and I don’t think it did any of us much harm (god I sound old but it’s true!). At 9/10 they shouldn’t be needing to write a bibliography for a sodding essay.
I must admit this is already an issue with Miss L, she is pretty much point blank refusing to do homework. She’s in Year 2 and has a book a night to read, 10 spelling words a week, Maths & Science sheets to complete and this week a short story to write too, and to learn songs for the school Xmas play…a bit much for a 6 year old IMHO.
So I’m bit of a homework terrorist, I tend to say she’s not done her reading as she was too tired etc. I ditched some spellings for making soap instead – it’s science
But frankly it’s not going to work when she starts junior school next year, so I really don’t know what I’m going to do then? Love to you and Miss E – it’s not easy xx
November 27th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Thanks Liz,and no it’s not. That does sound like a lot for a 6 year old. I think teachers forget just how tired kids are after school anyway. And when are they meant to do physical stuff. We’ll have a nation of couch potatoes before we know it – if we don’t already. Grrrrr.
November 27th, 2009 at 6:15 pm
I’m sure you have all the answers you need in the comments before me but I would add, rehearse what you are going to say, make sure it comes out as a clear and rational argument. (You know how we all get dismissed as soon as we become emotional.)
Whether your kids are in private or state schools, they have a right to a decent education and you have a right to complain if you think they aren’t getting it. If enough parents complain, the teacher begins to look bad and career aspirations are seriously jeopardised.
Sorry to all teachers, (my mother taught for 30 years so I know how hard everyone works), but no one is above criticism and if this woman is doing her job, she should be able to defend herself.
November 28th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Wow.
I don’t blame you a bit for being angry.
I cannot wait to see how your meeting goes!!
November 30th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Hi Jo, I finally wrote my own blog post about this, and included a link to this blog. I hope it brings more parents here who may be able to help. Here’s the link to my post: http://tinyurl.com/yhmhzyg .
Have you been able to schedule a meeting with the teacher yet?
December 1st, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Aaaargh, hope you find a way through this, Jo.
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:10 am
Hey Jo, just read this. Poor kid! My approach would be to write a well-supported & reasonable argument along the lines of this post to the head, finishing by asking for a meeting to discuss ways forward. In the meantime, I wouldn’t allow her to do more than an hour (or whatever) and if it wasn’t finished send her in with an unapologetic note taking responsabilty myself for the incomplete work. Kids shouldn’t be expected to work more than a full-time job, it’s ridiculous! Hope it goes well whatever approach you take.
December 7th, 2009 at 11:54 am
As a former teacher I can only echo Tim’s advice – if it were me I would do all of the above. School was a c**p experience for me, maybe I’m generalising, but most of my teachers at secondary school sound a bit like the one you’re dealing with, so now that I have offspring in the UK education system I keep a VERY close eye on what goes on at school.
Our Infants’ school had a quaint notion of not encouraging children to Parents’ Evening, but on one occasion I insisted my offspring be present so they could ask their Literacy teacher why the promised help with spelling (borderline dyslexic) promised six months previously, had not materialised. There is nothing so satisfying as watching a Yr 2 child ask an innocent question (no coaching on our part) and seeing the squirming reaction. Funnily enough, the help arrived within a fortnight!
That said, when they moved on to the Juniors’, the homework policy was for a maximum of 20 mins per night, and very little if any for the holidays. Offspring coped well with that for the most part, but I was not averse to a quick note explaining why homework had not been completed if I felt too much had been given.
From a teacher’s point of view, I dispair of any colleague who does not mark all work handed in by students; I always did.
I agree wholeheartedly with Tim, go and see the Head as it sounds like you’ll get further than tackling the teacher. Even if you want to do this informally in the first instance, please do take someone with you who can make notes on the meeting and send a written copy of it to the Head afterwards. As I see it, the problem is clearly a case of professional ability on the part of the teacher.
Whilst the school is dealing with your concerns I would be inclined to withdraw your permission for homework to be completed, and while we’re on the subject…
As I remember clearly from my training, children as young as yours can most definitely suffer from stress; the changes in behaviour you mention are classic. I’d be inclined to have a word with my GP too, presuming they are supportive in such situations – failing that ask the Head to make a referral to the local Educational Psychology service.
Above all, don’t worry about who’s nose you put out of joint, Miss E is the most important person in all this. I’d trample over anyone if she were mine to make sure she got what she needs.
This sort of behaviour by teachers makes me so mad as it reflects badly on the rest of us and makes children’s lives miserable.
Just my two penneth.
December 29th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Hi Sam. My apologies. Yet again another brilliant comment I have missed. I have finally found out how to get and install an API key so my spam nightmare should be over. Thanks for your comment. There are some very useful points there and they will all help to me formulating my plan.