Miss M: ”Mummy, what if I get lost?”
Me: ”You won’t get lost sweetie. Your teachers will look after you, and they’ll be all organised. You’ll be holding hands with one of your friends and you’ll all be together.”
She looks at me, doubt in her eyes, her small hand squeezing my finger.
Me: ”M it will be a lovely day. And you’ll see Santa, and help get a Christmas Tree, and play and have your lovely dinner. It’s going to be so much fun. And Mummy wouldn’t let you go if she didn’t think it was safe.”
I kneel beside her and she wraps her arms around my neck as I hold her close and rest my lips on the top of her head. Then she pulls back a little and stares deep into my eyes. I return her stare and nod sagely. In my head my expression is wise and firm and sure.
Me: ”I promise. ”
She nods, smiles and wanders over to the door to tug her Minnie Mouse Wellies on over her jeans, tights and double socked feet.
And now I’m thinking, ‘please let her be ok, please let her be ok.’
Sometimes I hate those two little words, ‘I promise’.
November 28th, 2009 at 3:23 am
dangerous words to mutter…fingers crossed.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:19 am
I know, I could have slapped myself. Bad Jo.
November 28th, 2009 at 3:27 am
Oh the responsibity of being a parent, sometimes it can weigh so heavily on our shoulders. We have promised the boys ww will always be there for them. I love them with such a feirce intensity it is scarey sometimes. It’s the mother instint coming out
November 30th, 2009 at 4:20 am
It’s definitely the mother instinct. It wasn’t necessarily the right thing to do say but I think it’s what she needed to hear.
November 28th, 2009 at 7:06 am
Maybe you should have told her what to do if she did get lost. That would have helped her feel more secure and given her survival tools. You can’t promise that everything will be okay. Sometimes things do go awry and kids need to be prepared for that too.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:26 am
Irene you’re right and I did do that too, but I shouldn’t have promised. It just seemed to be what she needed and she had a brilliant time.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Sounds as though you did everything possible to reassure her, and that’s all you can really do. She will be absolutely fine. Now No 1 son is getting big, I’m the one who needs the reassuring, every time he goes out of the door.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:30 am
Ahhhh Liz, it doesn’t get any easier does it? She had a brilliant time though.
November 28th, 2009 at 11:39 am
She will be fine Jo.
Use it as a learning experience about those two little words. You are not the first parent to promise things out of your control so as to reassure and you will not be the last. Your intentions are the best.
If you get a chance before she goes (but if she’s pulling her wellies on maybe not) then you could always clarify that you promise to do everything in your power to keep her safe.
That is something you can promise to every day.
Don’t worry.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:33 am
You’re right lovely, and I did. You are wise wise lady. x
November 28th, 2009 at 11:41 am
You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. You’ll end up feeling guilty either way – you’re a mum! Hope she had a great day
November 30th, 2009 at 4:34 am
She had a brilliant day thanks hon. Loved every minute.
November 28th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
You did the right thing. Just some reassurance from mummy as she starts to venture out into the Big Wide World.
Irene’s point about teaching her what to do if she doeas get lost is a good idea for another time but it seems she just needed her confidence boosted – which you did!
I tell El that if we ever lose each other she is to go into the first shop she sees and tell the checkout person she has lost her mummy.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:34 am
That’s good advice hon. I say similar. She had a wonderful time and I only worried a bit…:D
November 28th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I know exactly what you mean!!!
xo
November 30th, 2009 at 4:43 am
Sometimes you just wish you could turn back the clock and say something a little different don’t you? But she was fine so it was all ok.
November 28th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Even though it is, in fact, absolute crap, that you can promise stuff when you’re not even there and in control, it made her feel safe – and the chances are hugely in your favour that she would be fine.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:44 am
You’re right. I just wanted to kick myself. She was absolutely fin. No problem at all. I’ll do better next time though. ;D
November 29th, 2009 at 12:15 am
I remember that fear so well from when I was a child. I was not good in busy, crowded places – I felt overwhelmed and out of control. No, you can’t guarantee her safety at all times but her faith in you and in the world will keep her strong and keep her happy. Sometimes, I think, you have to tell the little lies. Because what’s the alternative? Tell her that the world is dangerous and she SHOULD be scared? Will telling her make her any safer? No. She is a child, naivety is ok.
I hope she had a fabulous day, full of fun and adventure.
x
November 30th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Josie that really made me think. I too remember that overwhelming feeling, and Miss E was like that at The Big Chill. Naivety is ok at four. It’s if she’s like it at forty that I’ll need to worry right?
November 29th, 2009 at 7:32 am
We do a little thing about “If you get lost, this is what you do:” – it involves things like staying in the same place, shouting my name (or the person in charge), and after five minutes going to a woman who belongs to the shop (yes, I’m a sexist). Perhaps you could try that next time. That way if she does get lost (as children will all eventually do), she will know what to do. I find my children find that very reassuring. They know that parents can’t promise they won’t get lost.
November 30th, 2009 at 4:47 am
Mwa you are right. We did do that, but I like that you have set rules you go through each time. And I’m sexist too in that I tend to tell them to approach a lady.
November 29th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
It is so scary letting them out of my sight to do anything! I do thing going through a little “What you do if you get lost” ritual is a good idea.
And at some point they have to learn that promises can be made in all sincerity that can’t be kept. OK, I’m feeling a little bit teary now. Must be the result of a long weekend…
November 30th, 2009 at 4:48 am
Dad Who Writes that made me teary too, the thought that sometimes promises made with the best intentions cannot be kept. Hope the long weekend wasn’t a rough one. x
November 30th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Mmmmm. Those words fill me with dread. There’s nothing worse than a broken promise.
November 30th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
ooo yes…promises…..hard things. I hope it all turned out great.
I do see she is sick now though. boo….that is no good.
December 1st, 2009 at 5:48 am
It was great thank Bob hon. She had a wonderful time. And she’s feeling a little better today. Hope Sugar is ok. x
December 1st, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Great post, Jo. It’s grim being a parent, sometimes, isn’t it?