I have nothing against people with Bladder Infections. No really, I’ve had them myself. But, well, ok, let me put it like this…
1. You have a large hairy growth on your big toe. It’s been there about a week and is already the size of a small hedgehog. It doesn’t hurt, but there is a distinct odour of cabbage soup emanating from your sock area which is worsened with prodding. What do you do?
a) Summon a professional
b) Call NHS Direct
c) Visit jobeaufoix.com
2. Every time you bend over you hear The Muppets Theme Tune. It is worse if you have eaten parsnips.
What do you do?
a) Consult your local physician
b) Ask your family/friends if any one else has had a similar experience
c) Check out www.ihearmuppets.com
d) Visit jobeaufoix.com
3. You have sliced off one of your lower limbs. There is seepage.
What do you do?
a) Faint
b) Call an ambulance
c) Pop it in a carrier bag filled with frozen peas and head off to the nearest Casualty Department
d) Visit www.jobeaufoix.com
Nb If you answered ‘visit www.jobeaufoix.com’ to any of the above you are mad and should probably have yourself committed, or at least have a chat with someone kind and caring who will point out the error of your ways in firm but gentle way because, Me…No…Doctor
Comprendez?
So as I was I saying, I have nothing against people with bladder infections, or indeed erectile disfunction, whooping cough, muscle spasms, arthritis and a Timmy Mallet Fixation, but:
I DO NOT WANT LINKS TO THEM ON MY SITE
There is no point
It is silly
Stop.
Ok?
Good.
December 5th, 2009 at 9:54 am
Now you tell me!
December 6th, 2009 at 5:25 am
Sorry Heather. Maybe I should have done this privately?? ;D
December 6th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Well, quite frankly I’m disapointed in you, ‘outing’ me like this. i may have to unsubscribe!
December 6th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Oh don’t do that. We’re all friends here right? And anyway, don’t you feel better now it’s all out in the open sweetie?
December 5th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Well, frankly, I’m disappointed. I used to consider you a person I could turn to, to find information on how I might live with those embarrassing ‘intimate’ ailments. Pah.
December 6th, 2009 at 5:26 am
Hmmmm, well, I don’t mind being a shoulder and all that, but I can’t be responsible for everything. I mean what if I get it wrong? Sudocrem can only do so much you know??
December 5th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Thanks for the laughs Jo!
December 6th, 2009 at 5:27 am
My pleasure Deanna. And I’m seeing E’s teacher next week. Apparently I am making large Christmas letters for E’s play. Said teacher has told other Mum’s but not actually informed me. Hmmmm. We will be having a chat.
December 5th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Too funny…but so true !
December 29th, 2009 at 6:18 pm
Sorry I missed this geriatric Mummy and thanks so much for your comment.
December 5th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I’m with Sally. And now I’m off to find someone who can help me deal with my nipple issues rather than just lead me up the garden path like you’ve done, you fake doctor, you… (BTW, feel free to delete this comment if it leads to your getting links you don’t want). PM x
December 6th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Dearest Potty. As I’ve told you many a time. There is nothing wrong with your nipples that a good dose of carrot and brandy soup wouldn’t cure. Apply both internally and externally. They’ll be back to normal in no time. And remind Signor Potty that some thing should just be kept in the garden where they belong. Tsk.
December 5th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Are you still okay with the Time Share links?
December 6th, 2009 at 5:29 am
Ack they’re fine. And the poker ones. No problem Pippa. ;D
December 5th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Disappointing. I came over to get some advice about a *friend’s* hairy toe, but I see there is nothing here.
December 6th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Rosie Rosie Rosie, please stop worrying about that toe. I’ve been doing some research and have sourced some special socks and shoes for you. No one will be any the wiser at the Christmas bash my sweet. x
December 5th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
You mean you can’t help me with the dysentery blues? Now where do I turn?
Sandi
December 6th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Hmmmm. I’ve heard Oprah is good? Dr Phil? Jeremy Kyle?
December 6th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Unlike any of your other readers, I have none of these things. So I hope you treasure me accordingly.
December 6th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
Wait, what?! You mean you can’t help me with my enlarged, fuzzy uvula?! What the ?!
December 6th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
But what about those nice people from Nigeria who want to put thousands, nay millions, into your bank account? Surely that’s relevant?
December 8th, 2009 at 1:22 am
Just found your blog and loved this post. My husband, who is a GP, would be delighted to send over some of the conditions he has had to examine over the years. He says he will suggest http://www.jobeaufoix.com in future and thanks you profusely…
December 29th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Hee hee, thanks Trish. I bet he’s seen some, erm, interesting sights.
December 8th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
okay…were clear now…..I think…..