I have had the menstruation talk with Miss E. It went well. My 9 year old amazes me with her ability to take things in and deal. She listened, asked a couple of questions, pulled a couple of faces, then wandered off to finish her Medusa mask for yet another school project. I know we’ll chat more but it feels good to have made a start and not completely terrified her.
One of the most important things I want her to know is that she can talk to anyone about it – me, her Granny, her Aunties, my friends, her friends, and yet I don’t blumming well take my own advice and speak to these same people about my own situation.
I am so mad at me I want to kick my own bottom but I am not limber enough to do so due to my not having a leg like an owl’s head. Tsk.
So I’m having a bit of a crisis. After a few recent changes in my life I decided it might be a good idea to mess with, experiment with, change my meds. I mean, what with being an almost ‘qualified doctor’ and all that it didn’t seem too big a deal for me to miss out the one thing that first uncovered my PMDD. I mean, it’s gross, it’s messy and I’m so much better than I have been in such a long time. What better time to bugger myself up big time attempt something new?
Except, well, I’m actually not a qualified GP . I know, you’re shocked. So missing out the Cyclogest I am meant to take from day 12 of my cycle until my next period was, with hindsight, a but silly.
The result?
Weeping, sleeping, an unbelievably heavy period that has left me feeling pale, knackered and anaemic (not good when you’re already on iron), and a brain that will not rest, will not turn off and yet cannot actually process much in the way of sensible thought. The blues are hitting big time, which means I inevitably turn to chocolate, which means I tend to feel even worse, which means I get more depressed and eat more chocolate.
Arse biscuits!
I know only I can stop the cycle, and I have so many things in my life right now to feel good about it seems ridiculous that I can feel myself spiraling down again, so I have a plan.
I’m going to find something positive in each day and blog it. However small, insignificant, daft, I will find it, and hell, if I struggle to think of anything I might even makes something up, for example;
“Today I rescued a tiny horse no bigger than my hand from the jaws of a rabid fink, and rehomed it with a lonely moose.”
But for now, it’s 5.30pm and the perfect example is just about to walk in my door.
Reasons to be cheerful, part 1, my kids are home.
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January 30th, 2010 at 11:17 am
That’s the best reason in the world to be cheerful! Revel in it!
Karin
January 30th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Stupidity, bravery, love and a tiny horse rescue story all in one brilliant post. Who could ask for more? Hope you manage to pull yourself out of it sweet, I imagine recognising it and owning it (as you just did) are huge steps to doing just that.
Oh, and I do hope the tiny horse and lonely moose will be happy together.
January 30th, 2010 at 11:38 am
No, Jo. Here’s the plan: Start taking your medication properly.
I can say (shout) this because I am a close friend and I am not the only one of your friends who has seen you spiralling downhill since you stopped taking it. None of want to see you in this way. We all want you to help yourself and that means taking your meds. We are here to support you but we can’t do that bit.
I’m saying this because I love you, you know that.
Now do what you’re told!
Kind regards,
Dr R Scribble
January 30th, 2010 at 11:51 am
Sounds to me like that Dr Scribble has a good plan. But the reasons to be cheerful, the girls being back, that is a great reason for cheerfulness. Big hugs, hope you find yourself on a more stable keel soon. x
January 30th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
I have to throw my 2 cents in with the good Dr. Scribble up there, Jo. Take the meds, enjoy the girlies, and feel good about yourself!
xoxoxox
January 30th, 2010 at 12:15 pm
((((Jo)))) I hope you get your meds sorted back out very soon and get back to an even keel. Feeling out of sorts due to your hormones and menstration is just awful. I had tons of investigations for the same last year and am on medication for the pain and to ease the flow but they never mentioned this. I will do some checking out – thanks.
I like your reasons to be cheerful idea, being positive really does help. I do something similar on my blog – Grace in small things and try to find 5 things to be happy about/ grateful for. I am not good enough at doing it every day though! http://mdplife.blogspot.com/search/label/grace%20in%20small%20things
Mich x
January 30th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Don’t make me come fly over there – take the meds!!!
Also, the girls are always a cheerful thing. But I’m pretty sure they’d rather have mommy on meds- especially when she needs those meds!!
xoxo
January 30th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Blimey, I’d never heard of PMDD and it sounds bloody awful. I don’t know anything about anything but I’d say that Dr Scribble is on the right tracks. If the meds help, take them. Mind you, I’m a fine one to talk.
Your reasons to be cheerful is a great idea and the first one is a corker. It looks like we’ll be able to tell when you’re making them up as well!
I really hope you’re feeling back on top of things soon. Take care.
January 30th, 2010 at 12:44 pm
(((Hugs)))
That Dr R.Scribble is a bit stern, I’d listen to her!
More ((Hugs)).
xxx
January 30th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
Yes, I second Dr. Scribble, even though I’m nowhere near as qualified!
January 30th, 2010 at 1:26 pm
I think everyone needs a Dr Scribble in their lives. She is oh so right. Take it from one who has tried to self adjuct medication, dont do it.
I do have a tip on the iron though, Spa Tone, water stuff from boots, I used to take it with frresh orange it did wonders for my iron level.
Chin up, tables down the throat and I too will look for the positive with you.
Oh and well done on the mestruation chat.
January 30th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Sweetie, I hate the fact that I take tablets to keep me sane (well relatively), I hate the fact that I can’t just fix myself.
But like you, I have learnt the hard way that right now that is the way it is.
One of your good things could be that they have found some meds that actually do help.
You are fab, I love this blog of yours, you are an inspiration. Gratitude is always a good thing.
Who cares you need a little help to be the best you you can be.
January 30th, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Well Nurse Trish agrees with Dr Scribble. I’ve had years of period pain etc and can only tackle it by taking lots of different tablets. They work. Hope you feel better soon.
Love reading your posts by the way.
January 30th, 2010 at 3:47 pm
I replied at the tweeton this post, click it, it sums it up. Reasons to be cheerful.
January 30th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Listen to the Dr. Of the R. Scribble variety. You know it makes sense
)
I am with you in the looking for the positive. Would you like to share my tree?
January 30th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
well i am in agreement with rosie. i get the feeling why you decided to fiddle with your meds. but take it from me jo you need to go back to see your doctor,please. i would take you there myself but i would probably get us both lost.
January 30th, 2010 at 6:11 pm
Oh you know me. I’m all for positive thinking. I’ll be checking in on you regularly, Pollyanna. (By the way, if you ever come across a dvd version of that book, made by Channel 4, do get it for your girls. I came across it in our library recently, and got it out. It looks very cheesy, but in fact it’s very good. Hm, might post about it.)
January 30th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
much love for you Jo! ♥ I think aknowledging is a big part of the solution.
January 31st, 2010 at 1:51 am
Jo, I came off the tablets too early when I was depressed because I couldn’t wait to be off them and didn’t want people to ever know I was on them and told myself I didn’t need them. I did need them and was happy to go back on them and truly get better.
I think saying ‘arse biscuits’ on your blog is a reason to be cheerful by the way. Please take it easy and look after yourself, Dr Scribble appears to have her head screwed on, I’m waiting for her to crop up on Dancing on Ice next year so I can laugh at her when she falls over.
Thank you for your comments on my last blog post, I had fogotten to add a link to my piece about my experience of depression and I have added it now, it includes advice from others, I hope you may pop back at some time and read it, here’s the piece I have just linked to in my last post:
http://www.gotyourhandsfull.com/2009/05/depression-my-story-plus-why-you-journalists-should-speak-up-if-they-are-feeling-down.html
Take care Gorgeous xxx
January 31st, 2010 at 3:48 am
Hi Jo,
I don’t know why but I fail to take my tablets too, even though I know I could get ill.
It’s a strange one.
One day at a time lovely.
How are the reunion plans, have I been cut out?
January 31st, 2010 at 11:14 am
Thinking of you Jo – and don’t beat yourself up, we all do these things sometimes. Makes us human… x
January 31st, 2010 at 5:24 pm
Hey there Jojo without your mojo, hope you feel better soon. I expect that your biochemistry will take a while to sort out and it’s not a case of popping a happy pill today and you’ll feel great instantly. In the interim you may borrow my Feeling Shit Mantra (if you like it):
this too shall pass
Hope it’s soon
xx