I’m taking a little time away from my blog. It used to be a place of escape, somewhere safe, but right now, for whatever reason it has become something else. I don’t want to be part of the competition anymore I suppose. It was kind of all I had that was just for me and now I just feel like I’m losing it, like I’ve been sucked dry and there isn’t much of me left.
I know part of this is my PMDD and depression, but I suppose it’s started to mean too much to my psyche and I can’t stand the thought of watching myself fall down and fail. Call me a coward if you want, but it’s hard to imagine you might lose one of the only things anyone has ever made you feel you were good at. It’s 5.00 in the morning again and my head won’t turn off and I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to wait for the joy to come back a little. Hopefully it won’t take too long.
UPDATE
Thanks so much everyone. I promise this is a health thing. I don’t feel bullied or driven out, just kind of exhausted and needing to look after myself a bit more physically so I can be the best for my kids and for myself. I know I’ll be back as I love blogging and all the friends I have made so much. It might just be a week, it might be more but I will be back.
Ju don’t worry lovely. I know it’s hard because we’re so far away but I am ok. You know what it’s like and you know me. Love you loads and please don’t worry.
And there is a site here I may be spending some time on. Isn’t it weird that sometimes things seem to happen when you need them??
“This is a blog from Lyn Jenkins and Linda Jones. Lyn is a regional co-ordinator with Mind and Linda is a journalist. Both are involved with a mental health project in the Midlands and this will be their blog to chart progress, discuss issues and highlight articles and resources they hope may be of interest. “
![[MFM's mummy bloggers you really should read]](http://www.madeformums.com/news/images/mummybloggerlogo.jpg)
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:07 am
Jo, do what’s right for you of course. Sorry you feel it’s become a game of one-upmanship, I pulled back from the whole selling myself through my blog thing and quite happily write just for me and hang it if I don’t get any comments.
I’ll always appreciate that you were one of the first people to say hi to me on the mummy blog ning thing, even though I am rarely there as I don’t really feel like a mummy blog (and also because I was one of the first 100 but my name is not listed because I had to change my blog name, which makes me feel not particularly wanted). So I like you, whatever you post, and whenever you choose to do so.
((hugs))
Jen
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:11 am
Jo, I hope that you find the way again and take care, rest up and love the girls lots. I for one will be waiting for the next post from you, but would rather RL got better than you being on here. Take care, be well and I hope you feel better soon
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:11 am
oh jo oh jo oh jo! I’m so sorry. But I get it. Come back when you’re ready, or re-invent yourselve somewhere else and write in secret. whatever you do, don’t let your head explode. that would be messy. brain splattered walls is so last year xxxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:14 am
Oh no, this is so sad to read. I love your blog and I’m going to miss it a lot, as will so many other people. I hope the time out helps you and it will be wonderful to read your posts again when you’re ready.
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:36 am
Oh honey, I hope you’ll be back soon as we will all miss you a lot. But you do what you need to do. Cuddle those girls of yours and see if they can help you find the happy again.
Big cyber hugs and kisses xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 6:52 am
I’ll miss you Jo – come back whenever you’re ready. x
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:12 am
I’m sorry to hear that Jo. I have you in my reader so at least I’ll know when you come back. Enjoy the time off!
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:30 am
We’ll miss you. Enjoy your rest xx
February 2nd, 2010 at 7:55 am
Take care of yourself, that’s the most importnat thing to do. I hope I see you around now and then.
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:10 am
Lovely Jo. Take all the time you need, take care of yourself, and feel free to continue infesting my inbox with all the other nutters. Big huge MWAHs to you xxxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:16 am
Sad news, Jo. Hope the break does what it’s meant to. xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:18 am
My lovely friend.
I have no words except, you were meant to write. You are so very good at it and you bring a warmth and joy to the blogosphere that I for one feel it has made it a better place.
There is no competition in my eyes: You are always in the tops. You’ve earned it and you deserve it.
Big hugs and sloppy kisses x
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:22 am
hello, take as much time as you like, put you first for a change. The joy can come back, I know that.((((((((hugs))))))) xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:03 am
I hope this is a break, not retirement. You take care.
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:42 am
Blogging is fun, so you should do it when you enjoy it and you are spot on to take a break when you don’t. I echo Iota, I hope this is a break and not a retirement. I’ll miss your blog, it is one of my absolute favourites. Big hugs, to you and your lovely girls. xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 10:00 am
Take care sweetie. See you soon xxxxxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 10:57 am
you are always in my heart, and the blogosphere will be a lesser place until you are back, and in tops spirits. ♥
February 2nd, 2010 at 11:39 am
I hope you find your way through this and that you will come out happier and healthier in the end. You know this is just a momentary thing, don’t you? It will pass and you’ll be back. I’m counting on it. Take care. Hugs!
February 2nd, 2010 at 11:41 am
I really feel for you Jo. You will be sorely missed. Continue to nurture your delicious daughters and I am praying that there are people all around to nurture you a little too. Take care of yourself and know that we are all thinking of you and all have your absolute best interests at heart. xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:10 pm
We will all miss you, love. But of course real life always takes precedence. I send string healthy happy energy across the pond. And please know that you can email me should you need an ear. I may be all the way in Chicago, but I am a good listener.
xoxo
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Dear Jo,
When I started to blog, I was in a very dark place. I made friends, people who understood me and did not judge me for my appearance or income or the size of my house or car (I am completely loaded and just stunning you know). Occasionally life became too busy for some of my blogging friends and they stopped blogging, some started again. We are still friends.
These are genuine friendships. Not superficial salutations. We shared highs and lows. That is what friendship consists of. Normal people will understand this.
Yes we occasionally shared “in” jokes, but that is what happens when you become familiar with friends. I will not apologise for normal behaviour.
YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON JO. You know it and your friends know it. Come back when it feels safe.
YOU ARE QUEEN JO BEAUFOIX. You know it. We know it. IT knows it too!
February 2nd, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Come back when you are ready … and not before. (said in Mummy voice)
I’ll miss you, but like EnglishMum said keep on infesting my inbox.
Big kisses x
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:39 pm
Hi Jo,
I have not replied to one of your blogs but have read every single one since you started the link on Facebook.
Now I need to reply!! Reading your blogs has become slightly addictive for me, you leave me filled with warm, fuzzy feelings of warmthness.You have made me laugh, scream, whoop and cry. You are a very talented writer and I know you will come back when you are good and ready, I for one can’t wait!
As someone who also plunges headfirst into depressive moods sometimes I can definitely understand your need to keep your mind to yourself and your lovely girls at the moment.
So eat chocolate, drink wine, watch soppy, silly movies, do whatever makes you happy, cos you are special.
Till you blog again! or at school,
See you soon hunny.
Suzy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Just wanted to send you a very big hug Jo. I’m so sad you feel like this. Will miss you a lot, I don’t always get chance to comment here but I read every post and your blog, probably as much as any other out there, never fails to make me smile.
Hoping your break brings rest and healing, and that you feel ready to come back soon.
Much love x
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:43 pm
I hope all these lovely comments above/below will show you how much you’ll be missed. Please don’t fall down into the black hole sweetie. And let’s figure out how to turn off the “competition” in the bloggysphere. xx
February 2nd, 2010 at 1:51 pm
I hope the break helps; you know you will be greatly missed. I went through a phase last year when I felt a little wrapped up in competitiveness, and had to ask myself why I blog. My answers made me realise that I couldn’t stop.
Take care and see you soon.
CJ xx
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:07 pm
I getcha, I practically took a break for 18 months, maybe even two years! I now I feel keener to blog again. if you can’t feel the will and vibe, it does suck you dry! Blogging can feel like a crazy person in your head (well for me anyway)
Good resting mxxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Take care Jo. I’ve taken many breaks over the years and the time away always reminds me what is important in blogging.
I don’t comment much but I really enjoy your blog and I hope you find your way back here very soon. x
February 2nd, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Eeek! Jo, I don’t know you, and I’ve no idea what’s been going on, but just wanted to say I’ve been reading (and lurking) for ages, although I’m very new to blogging.
I’m very sad to hear how you feel. You’ve obviously got plenty of support from good friends, as evidenced above, but I just wanted to let you know that lurkers and new bloggers also care (and know/care nothing about any competition – but I’m sure you’d do well if that were what you wanted).
Hope the rest does you well. Looking forward to you popping up in my feed reader again. xx
February 2nd, 2010 at 3:07 pm
When I first realised that I wanted to stop being ‘GoneBackSouth’ I felt bereft, and rather confused, and I still haven’t really figured out where to go next in Blogland. It’s a marvellous place though, (despite the inevitable cynicisms and abuses). I hadn’t realised when I started blogging in 2008 that some blogs have a shelf-life; others come and go in waves; and others are constant and it’s hard to believe they will ever go away. Many bloggers are very loyal though, and have long memories, so if and when you decide to start tap tap tapping away online again many of those lovely connections will be right there waiting for you.
Bye for now, lots of love, and I hope the break helps. xxx
February 2nd, 2010 at 4:21 pm
Take care, lovely Jo. I’ll miss your posts and I see I won’t be the only one. Take all the time you need and know there are people who care. Sx
February 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Okay – You know I will stalk you via gmail. but who the EFF is this bully I keep hearing about?
I’m in the mood for a little ass kickin’.
Love you, Jo!
xoxo
February 2nd, 2010 at 9:30 pm
Sometimes we just need rejuvenation time. It seems that is what this blog was to you once.
Redundancy in anything can get to you. Have a good rest..dont ever feek bad about taking time for you.
February 3rd, 2010 at 1:43 am
please reconsider. i think it is important to keep going. you have tons of people who love and support you and read your blog. i check in everyday to see what you are up to. what will i do now? can you force yourself to write something small everyday even if it seems futile at this moment. come on you have a joke a day in you. don’t go jo.
February 3rd, 2010 at 1:50 am
Thanks so much everyone. I promise this is a health thing. I don’t feel bullied or driven out, just kind of exhausted and needing to look after myself a bit more physically so I can be the best for my kids and for myself. I know I’ll be back as I love blogging and all the friends I have made so much. It might just be a week, it might be more but I will be back.
Ju don’t worry lovely. I know it’s hard because we’re so far away but I am ok. You know what it’s like and you know me. Love you loads and please don’t worry.
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:11 am
sad to hear you aren’t feeling well and that you wont be around for a while. I hope this break helps and you come back. take care x
February 3rd, 2010 at 3:01 am
Sorry to hear Jo. Sometimes I think it’s important to take a step back and remember why we do what we do – not just in blogging but in all aspects of our life (yes, even parenting!). I hope you get all the rest and support you need and that you won’t be away too long.
Lizxxx
February 3rd, 2010 at 3:05 am
Jo,
Karin
As some above, I have been a lurker and admirer (not stalker!) for a while and am sad to see that you’re taking a break as you really are a brilliant WRITER. Do what you need to do for your health so that you can come back stronger. I’m sorry you’ll be leaving us but certainly understand why. Good luck in your sabbatical…hope you can find a renewed passion. If not for this, for something else. Maybe you need a whole new plan…you’ll find it with the help of your family and good friends.
February 3rd, 2010 at 3:16 am
Hope you feel better soon, sending lots of love and hugs x
February 3rd, 2010 at 3:35 am
Jo, I’m so sorry to hear this. I haven’t been reading your blog for long (although longer than you think because I am a lurker at heart!) but I’ve loved what I’ve read. Your writing is very expressive and evocative. I hope to read more of it one day when you’re psyche is soothed.
Depression is a lumpy pillow to lay your head on, I hope you smooth it out soon.
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:11 am
Jo, I can’t add anything more than has already been said… except to say that you light up my Reader, and I shall miss you.
I’ve had depression, I know that need-to-curl-away-from-it-all feeling, Look after you, those two delicious girls, and I look forward to reading you again soon, Queen Jo.
xxx
February 3rd, 2010 at 4:52 am
Another one who has often read and really enjoyed your blog (but not commented), now just wanting to say get better soon. x
February 3rd, 2010 at 7:44 am
Hey thank you sweetheart for your support for our new project, I hope you realise how much it means to read comments that articles there can have helped. Hope you are nowhere near a computer now and that you are having a good rest, and yep you can get rid of the “lumpy pillow.” xx
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:08 am
I have a long break every few months – it’s not fun when it feels like a chore. Take care hon and look forward to having you back xxx
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:08 am
Yuu take care JO, we’ll be here when you return. x
February 4th, 2010 at 7:12 am
Hi Jo
Oddly enough I’m visiting you for what is not the first time but probably nearly that… you’re a blogger I always ‘mean’ to read but find that getting to read all the blogs I want takes up so much time that I get reluctant to add new ones. I made the decision in July last year, partly inspired by a bout of depression, to stop blogging after I started feeling competition and pressure; what actually happened was that as soon as I made the decision, those feelings stopped and I started blogging again after a very very pitiful break of only two weeks or so. I don’t actually think anyone noticed! I do however feel a lot better about it. I’m less social than I was, I care a little less, I enjoy it so much more. I hope you feel better about things soon.
February 5th, 2010 at 8:21 am
Hi Jo,
I have to admit that I do not have the time to read your blog regularly but pop over from time to time. Yes…I don’t blame you for taking time out…it has to be done. Look after yourself and your family that is the main thing.
I’ve discovered that one of the problems with blogging is that it can be become addictive and I now try to dip in and out of it. I didn’t want to spend all my time at the screen at the expense of my family and business. But maybe that’s just me…I get addicted to stuff!
I think the main thing is that you have to write for yourself…whether it is in a blog or otherwise…that is your call. Funnily enough I’ve heard that several writers do not use computers to write as they find it can be too distracting. It’s not hard to understand that one.
Anyway …it sounds as if this is a lecture and it’s not meant to be!
You’ll love the walk along Hadrian’s Wall and maybe, just maybe…when you are back you will blog about it!
Hxx
February 5th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
I will miss you a lot and i hope you enjoy your break and look after yourself.
Lots of love Amy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
February 5th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Sorry to hear you’re feeling the way you are right now. Life is just rubbish sometimes isn’t it?
Take care x
February 5th, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Lovely Jo,
I am so out of the loop this week and have only just seen this.
I want to send you huge big squishy hugs. You made me feel so welcome in this blogging world and I am thankful for that.
You are always gracious and funny and blumming lovely and I love reading your blog.
Take care love lady.
Ellie
xxxxx