I never believed it could happen.
To hear such language from my 9 year old, AND EVEN WORSE, to hear it at aimed at me, her mother – her moral compass, guardian of her social and emotional development, tidier upper of her very messy room, and giver of pocket money and Kinder Buenos.
We’re in the lounge snuggled up on the settee watching Madeline on DVD. I’m feeling a little reflective and decide now is the time to broach the subject of Mummy having a bit of a mad moment with hormones and the PMDD thing etc.
Me: ”Sorry Mummy’s been a bit ‘not with it’ over the last few weeks girls. Sometimes my poorliness makes me a bit of a loon doesn’t it?”
My two little girls smile and Miss E gives a slight nod, her eyes not leaving the TV. To be honest I’m not really sure if they’ve even heard, so I decide to continue…
Me: ”And I’m so sorry you saw me upset the other day babes. Sometimes I just get too tired and stressed. It’s just something that happens, but I will get better and it will be ok.”
Again there is no movement that might signal any kind of response to my heartfelt words. Miss M’s small face has stretched into a huge grin, all teeth and crinkly eyes and Miss E’s smile is one of amusement and indulgence as Miss M hiccups out a chuckle at the exploits on screen.
And I’m thinking, ‘Have they heard? Are they mad at me? Are they even aware that Mummy has just made herself all vulnerable and humble and slightly whiney? Do they understand?’
So I try again.
Me: ”I’ll be at the Doctor’s again soon, but if you need to you can talk to Granny, or Daddy or Auntie Helly or Rosie, ok?”
And my big girl turns around, places her small hand over mine, looks steadily into my eyes and utters the following words.
Miss E: ”Chillax Mummy. We’re fine.”
‘Chillax.’
‘CHILLAX.’
Oh my Bob the shame.
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February 15th, 2010 at 9:41 am
You have failed as a parent Jo. Failed as a parent.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:02 am
Says the man who’s taught the kids to blame their bottom burps on other people
February 16th, 2010 at 7:55 am
Whoops, and I relied to Dan’s under yours Kerry. Tsk. He’s got me all annoyed. ;D
February 16th, 2010 at 6:44 am
Says the man who cooks porridge with diet coke? I mean really. ;D
February 15th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Well, as someone who’s hubby accidentally taught their 18 month old daughter the word “F**k” today I think I could handle Chillax right now! Well done you for trying to talk to them about a tricky subject – love the response.
February 16th, 2010 at 6:46 am
Thanks Moiderer. I have to admit my ex Mr B taught Miss E wa*ker at the tender age of two as he drove to my Mum’s. He was terrified all evening that she’d let rip at the dinner table. Snort.
February 15th, 2010 at 9:52 am
It could have been worse. She could have said ‘yeah, like whatever, right?’
Loving that you’re here
February 16th, 2010 at 6:47 am
Awwww thanks lovely. Loving that you’re here too. Holl came up this weekend for a Dave Gorman moment and we said we need to get in a Belle meet up sometime soon. x
February 15th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Hehehee! What a word! My 3 year old told me he’d lots his mojo last week. Kids eh?
Safe.
February 16th, 2010 at 6:48 am
OMG, a three year old with no mojo. Hilarious.
Erm, phat.
February 15th, 2010 at 10:06 am
Jo’s back!! *Big cuddles*
All I seem to get off of my ‘youngest’(to understand you’ll have to read my ‘Honoraray Mummy Blogger’ post) is “Chill out Winston!” I have no idea who Winston is or what shes on about lol
xx
February 16th, 2010 at 6:49 am
Hee hee, chill out Winston is so funny and I also have no idea who Winston might be. I’ll be over to read that post though lovely.
February 15th, 2010 at 10:43 am
Glad you are back, Jo, and feeling a lot better. Children are a real blessing aren’t they? (She said saying the obvious but you know what I mean.
)
February 16th, 2010 at 6:50 am
Thanks lovely. And they are. They make me smile every day. I hope I do the same for them.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:06 am
That’s bad. They’re all going to talk in text speak when they’re older aren’t they? I wish I had a moment to chillax…
February 16th, 2010 at 6:51 am
Yep, there is no hope. They’re all going to speak in text or sound like satnavs. Bugger!
February 15th, 2010 at 11:13 am
I’m never going to understand my children. Chillax? What on earth?
Welcome back. x
February 16th, 2010 at 7:00 am
Thanks lovely Brit in Bosnia. The thing is, by the time we do understand they”ll have moved onto the next thing and we’ll have no idea again. Maybe we should start our own Mum speak??
February 15th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Chillax? Love it!
February 16th, 2010 at 7:03 am
Heh heh. I’m not sure what the French version would be DD. Maybe Brainbox will enlighten us some day.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:27 am
Chillax!!
That is soooo 1984!!!!!
Hahaha
February 16th, 2010 at 7:04 am
Snort, in 1984 ‘I’ was 9 and I’m sure we didn’t say anything THAT cool. ;D
February 15th, 2010 at 11:47 am
I guess sometimes we just need to chillax. sigh…….
February 16th, 2010 at 7:04 am
Hee hee, sometimes we really do.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:48 am
Out of the mouths of babes, if inly PMDD took orders from daughters you would be all sorted. I am glad to see you back and hope you had a good birthday
February 16th, 2010 at 7:04 am
If only MAdhouse. Thanks and I had a fab birthday. Eventful, but fab. ;D
February 15th, 2010 at 11:48 am
Gr8 2 cu bk JoBo n its cwl, y’know 2 chill…
February 16th, 2010 at 7:06 am
2 rite. U is phat.
February 15th, 2010 at 11:54 am
: D
February 16th, 2010 at 7:07 am
Expanding your vocabulary my lovely. No need to thank me. ;D
February 15th, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Apparently CHILLAX is the ‘in’ word at the moment
February 16th, 2010 at 7:08 am
Snort, I think you’re right. It kind of makes me cringe a bit though.
February 15th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Listen, till you’re in a behemoth of a Chevy Impala (1980) and doing 60mph down a four lane undivided highway and have a five year old ask you “Mummym, what does f**k mean?” and changed six lanes in three seconds, you don’t have a clue…the horrorsd of parenthood is still but a dream!
hugs to you, and I’ll pray…
Sandi
February 16th, 2010 at 7:09 am
Oh my Bob Sandi you win, you definitely win. Blimey. Miss M does come out with some good ‘uns though. Yesterday she told my friend that I called her ‘monkey’ and also ‘ants with bananas coming out of their bottoms.’ One of those is a fib.
February 15th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
So now you can really chillax, since you’ve been told to!
February 16th, 2010 at 7:10 am
Definitely. I will both ‘chill’ and ‘relax’. Hence chillax. Sighhh. Ingenius.
February 15th, 2010 at 3:13 pm
ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
February 16th, 2010 at 7:11 am
I know. (Nodding head profusely.)
February 15th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
As the mother of a 14 year old and an 11 year old, I have to break it to you (gently) dearest Jo, that ‘chillax’ is the least of your probs! To be honest, half the time I don’t know what the bloody hell they’re on about, and the other half I spend wishing that I didn’t! What with all the ‘douche bag’ this and ‘nut sack’ that…
Bless your sweet little girls. Wanna swap?
PS Welcome back and love you loads xx
February 16th, 2010 at 7:12 am
Awwww thanks lovely. And yep, the thought of ‘douche bag’ and ‘nut sack’s being hurled about is a bit scary. And I’ve just realised that sentence sounds so wrong.
February 15th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Ha! Well, I am nearly positive they didn’t learn THAT from Madeline.
Unless of course she said it in French. Then I wouldn’t have caught it.
February 16th, 2010 at 7:13 am
Maureen that Madeline is a bit of a one so I wouldn’t put it past her lovely. ;D
February 15th, 2010 at 4:03 pm
Hi Jo, I’ve been thinking of you – we’ve missed you. Just by reading your blog makes me feel close to you. Hope you had a good birthday. I now also know what Chillax means, I didn’t know and the kids found it really funny. Lou x x
February 16th, 2010 at 7:15 am
Awwww Loubie, thanks. Hopefully that means you will forgive me for not getting organised with cards for gorgeous G and fabulous J’s birthdays, Bad Jo. Love you loads cuz. And so sorry for giving your little fiends ammo. You have no chance in a house full of boys though hon. x
February 15th, 2010 at 4:08 pm
oooh *I* say chillax!
Does that make me young and cool or old enough to know better? Wait, no-one answer that.
February 16th, 2010 at 7:16 am
Hee hee, you are definitely young and cool lovely. And thanks so much for my card. Hugs.
February 16th, 2010 at 1:42 am
*snorting at The Dotterel*
We’re still at the ‘wicked!’ stage, chillax hasn’t reached us so far. My plan is to learn ALL the new speech as they do, so I can humiliate them utterly in front of their friends.
PS – welcome home x
February 16th, 2010 at 7:17 am
Thanks Laura, and that is my plan too. If you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em. ;D
February 16th, 2010 at 1:45 am
I think chillax is great and the fact she wated to reassure you that all was fine, that is fab. Mich x
February 16th, 2010 at 7:17 am
Hee hee, it is. She’s a fab kid.
February 16th, 2010 at 2:56 am
chillax? Oh dear Lord, what are you teaching them missus? Nice to see you back, hope you’re doing better.
February 16th, 2010 at 7:18 am
Thanks Heather. I’m doing ok. It’s good to be back. I’m just going to enjoy it like I always have.
February 16th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
She’s better not teach that word to my sweet and innocent daughter!
February 16th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Cough, I erm, think she learnt it from you Rosie pants. Just saying. ;D
February 16th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Classic
M told me to stop talking (while she was in the bath.) ‘ i’m trying to v laxs mummy !!!!!!
glad your writing again hon xxxxx
February 17th, 2010 at 3:49 am
My Child Two’s current favourite is ‘whatevski!@
February 17th, 2010 at 7:27 am
How lovely to see you back. I thought maybe it was my lurking that had scared you off!!
I can’t remember what I was going to say, I’m too busy spitting coke over my keyboard at the thought of flying douche bags and nut sacks!
February 17th, 2010 at 7:54 am
That is just so cute. I just love that. What a wonderful moment! Just puts everything in perspective I should think. What wondering what had happened to you, am glad you’re back I really enjoy your blog x
February 19th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Hi Its a Mummy’s Life. Kids are so good at perspective aren’t they? I love that about being a Mum. And thanks.