Miss M is curled up beside me. It’s 8.30am and I have already phoned the school as M has croup and has had a rough night and Miss E is also shattered with a chesty cough and is still asleep.
We lie quietly, the silence a pleasant contrast to the interrupted dark hours of coughing and crying. My small girl turns to me, her head resting on her elbow, her hand on her cheek, and says in a soft clear voice;
Miss M: ”Mummy, this bed is a bed for two people.”
I gaze slowly from left to right, taking in where her feet end and further down where my own rest, then nod and meet her brown grey eyes.
Me: ”It is a big bed isn’t it sweetie?”
She takes a breath then frowns and purses her lips:
Miss M: ”And Daddy’s bed is a bed for two people.”
Me: ”Well yes it can be.”
She grabs Barky and holds him in the air above her, then lifts her feet to meet his soft fabric ones.
Miss M: ”And it’s for a Mummy and a Daddy. ”
My heart sinks a little.
Me: ”But your Mummy and Daddy won’t be sharing a big bed again M because we’re not together like that anymore. If Mummy ever meets someone else and falls in love with them, or Daddy ever meets someone else and falls in love with them, then that other person might share the bed, but Mummy and Daddy won’t be in the same bed again.”
She is quiet for just a second or two, then she speaks, a rise in her voice, a spark of worry in her tone.
Miss M: ”But if you fall in love with someone will HE be my Daddy?”
I sit up and pull her onto my knee, gangly little legs and all.
Me: ”No babe, no. Your Daddy is always your Daddy, and your Mummy is always your Mummy. You have a Mummy and Daddy who love you very much and who will always be your Mummy and Daddy. Always. If Mummy fell in love with someone else she would want him to be your friend, but you already have a lovely Daddy. And the same if Daddy met another lady. Mummy would still be your Mummy. Ok?”
Miss M: ”Ok.”
I squeeze her tight, and she allows me to hold her for a while before wiggling free and sliding off my bed.
Me: If you need to talk about it anymore you can sweetie, ok? But your Mummy and Daddy are forever.
She nods as she ambles out of the room, her small soft dog dangling behind her, and my heart is once more a gooey mess upon the floor.
(Photo Credit and edited at the fabulous picnik.com)
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February 24th, 2010 at 8:10 am
Total sweetheart. It can’t be easy for a young mind to digest, but with support from you it will be.
CJ xx
February 24th, 2010 at 8:53 am
I hope so CJ. It’s a year since we broke up now and she’s doing pretty well, they both are, but I know there’ll be more moments like these. I’m glad she actually says things though.
February 24th, 2010 at 8:30 am
You handled that so well! What a wonderful and heartbreaking post. You are such a good strong mother, you know!
February 24th, 2010 at 8:55 am
Thanks Heather. It was so emotional but it was ok. She amazes me sometimes.
February 24th, 2010 at 9:04 am
Sounds like you handled that brilliantly. Well done.
February 24th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Thanks Jen. They keep throwing them at us don’t they?
February 24th, 2010 at 9:09 am
I don’t know how you found the words….my heart is a gooey mess too after reading that. My children won’t even bring up such subjects, I wish they would but perhaps they know I couldn’t answer as well as you have.
I hope Miss M feels better very soon.
February 24th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Thanks Nova. I bet your answer would be just fine though, because you know your kids. I think it helps that M is so matter of fact about stuff sometimes – it kind of takes the heat off.
February 24th, 2010 at 11:07 am
Well done, Jo.
xoxo
February 24th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
Thanks hon. Just glad I didn’t blub or say completely the wrong thing. x
February 24th, 2010 at 11:17 am
you are such a warm and loving mummy!
Miss M and Miss E are so very lucky to have you. and daddy too! ♥
February 24th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Awww thanks lovely. We’re lucky to have them too though aren’t we? x
February 24th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Oh Jo, how hard. You handled it beautifully xx
February 24th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
Thanks MTJAM, I hope so. x
February 24th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Such a heartbreaking post, so wonderfully written.
February 24th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Thanks Ella. She blows me away sometimes but I’m glad she asks rather than worries.
February 24th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Ah Jo, you are such a blumming ace mummy. That brought tears to my eyes.
xxxx
P.S If my mummy were still around I’d like to think she were as lovely as you xxx
February 25th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Awwwww babe, now you’ve brought tears to my eyes. You’re a pretty fabulous Mummy yourself lady. xx
February 25th, 2010 at 7:05 am
Can I have you for a mummy, please?
February 25th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Hee hee, I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine.
(Only joking Mum. x )
February 25th, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Oh… Don’t know what to say. Except you’re doing so well. And thank goodness she is feeling able to talk and ask questions.
February 25th, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Iota thanks my lovely. That’s the best bit for me too, the fact that she will ask this stuff. Sometimes it’s blumming scary but I’m still glad she does it. x
February 25th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
You are a wonderful mommy and she’s so very lucky to have you.
February 25th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Thanks so much Momo. We’re all lucky to have them though aren’t we. xxx
February 26th, 2010 at 4:07 am
Jo…you are amazing! If only everyone could have your attitude hey? I know so many kids who’s parents play them against each other. Not nice! You my dear are a fantastic mama! Keep up the great work! mwah xoxoxox
February 26th, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Ahhhh thanks lovely. I’m sure I don’t always get it right but we’re doing ok. Hugs to you lovely. Hope you get through this weekend ok. x
February 27th, 2010 at 4:39 am
Croup is grim. There are worse childhood ailments but the sound is horrid. And to have to deal with such ongoing big changes. She’s so impressively thoughtful, though.
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:26 am
Crap, that made me cry…