The one where my child wishes for the untimely demise of every adult in our family

Tue, Oct 12, 2010

Blog, review

Miss M had her first independent play-date a couple of weeks ago.  When I say independent, I mean she went to a friend’s for tea, without me or any other friends, being there.

Before you have me down as an evil Mummy from planet evil who wears her best evil pants every other day to ensure she is up to full evil capacity, Miss M hasn’t spent the last 5 years of her life friendless and alone, it’s just that she’s grown up with an older sister; an older sister who has friends who have younger sisters the same age as Miss M.  I also have friends with children her age, and best of all she has a cousin just 8 months older than her and another cousin less than two years younger.

She has had play mates and play dates a plenty, but we’ve just not really had to do the whole ‘getting to know a new group of people so that we all feel ok allowing our children to go to tea at each others houses without us being there’ thing, as we already did it with our older kids.

But Miss M has a new friend.  She’s lovely, has smiley, ‘normal’ seeming parents who I’ve chatted to a bit, and M really wants to go, so when she is invited to a spur of the moment tea party I say yes.  I wasn’t actually sure if M would go without me, but she leaps at the chance and doesn’t look back.  (Tsk).

When I pick M up she is in her element.  You see her friend EB lives, wait for it, on a farm.  How cool is that?  I mean, if you live on a farm yourself it’s no biggy I suppose, but to an animal mad five-year-old it is fabulous, in fact to an animal mad 35-year-old it’s kind of exciting too.

We’re met at the door by a bright-eyed Miss M who grabs my hand and tugs me from stable, to chicken coop, to kennels.  She is an explosion of enthusiasm, a tornado of chatter, and myself, Miss E and her friend’s parents follow us around with amused bewilderment as I try unsuccessfully to curtail my child’s excitement so as not to intrude into this family’s evening and quite possibly their underwear drawers.
Seriously my kid has adopted their house and grounds as her own and is determined that I see everything.

It’s lucky M is still small.  I scoop her in to my arms and hold her nose to nose.

Me:  “We have to go M.  E has Guides and if we don’t go now we’ll be late.”

Miss M:  “But Mummy, we haven’t seen everything.”

Me:  “I know babe but EB’s Mummy and Daddy need a rest and we can’t go in every room because it’s private.”

I grin and raise my eyebrows at EB’s Mum and Dad and luckily they grin back, so I relax a little and herd my two monkeys into the car.

Having dropped E at Guides, M and I head home while she regales me with more tales of the fabulousness that is EB’s farm.  As I unlock our front door Miss M is extolling the virtues of EB’s bedroom that has another room for her toys, and of the chick under the heat lamp in the kitchen.

In the bath as I gently wash her face and rinse the conditioner from her wind tangled hair, she tells me all about EB’s real horse, Milly, and her pretend real horses, Honey and Toffee.

Miss M:  “They’re so good Mummy.  You brush them and they neigh.  And Milly nips so you have to keep your hand really flat and only grown-ups can feed her at the moment because mine and Eb’s hands are too small, ands EB rides her sometimes and there are lots of other horses too, in the field.  It’s their field.”

I tuck her into bed with a story and a cuddle, but just as I get up to leave, M tugs me back down and holds my face in her small hands.

Miss M:  “Mummy, if you die, can I live with EB?”

I swallow, then smile.

Me:  ” Well, there are so many people who love you M.  I think Daddy, and Gran and Grandad, and Grandma, and Auntie H and so many other people would want you if Mummy wasn’t here anymore.”

She goes quiet for a moment and I squeeze my lips together, holding back a giggle.

Miss M:  “Well, if Daddy, and Gran and Grandad and everyone dies can I live there?”

Me:  “Who knows sweetie, but let’s hope that never happens.”

M smiles, her eyes fixed somewhere in the future where maybe she too has a horse called Milly and soft yellow chicks in the kitchen.  And I kiss her and tuck her in and whisper a huge thank you to the lovely folks who’ve sent us this to review.

This is Toffee, she’s cute and cuddly, not too noisy and she can only be woken by brushing, rather than being light activated and therefore heart attack inducing.  She waggles her head, neighs ‘hello’ and gets scared if you make a loud noise - which therefore happens on a regular basis just so M can calm her with a brush or a carrot; and you can buy her at Toys R Us.

Miss M adores her and I’m hoping her arrival means M will no longer be wishing for our whole family to be wiped off the face of the planet any time soon.

Thanks Flair. :D

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18 Responses to “The one where my child wishes for the untimely demise of every adult in our family”

  1. Corey~ living and loving Says:

    LOVE THis post, my friend! ♥ Miss M is just so wonderfully fabulous. I love hearing about her excitment. but….If I were you, I wouldn’t eat anything she makes for the whole family in the next few years. :) wink!


  2. Nora Says:

    She must really love that farm a lot if she is secretly wishing for all of you to die. I do hope that some disillusionment sneaks in and that it turns out not to be all that perfect. I hope she remembers lots of your redeeming qualities and those of her sister and the rest of the family too.


  3. SusanasHerself Says:

    I had friends who lived on farms growing up, and always was entertained when visiting their houses as well. But I also had horrid allergies and spent much of the time sneezing and rubbing my eyes, so that took away some of the glamour… :)


  4. Auntie H Says:

    Oh my god how funny……. I can’t stop laughing…. Lets hope she doesn’t tell M and J too much about it or between them they may hire a hit man or squad !!!!!!!


  5. Catherine Says:

    Yeah, and I read too much Enid Blighty and wanted to have midnight feasts at boarding school. Grass is always greener and all that! She’ll come to realise how lucky she is.

    Gorgeous piece of writing Jojo!

    (that horse’s eyes are freaking me out a little though)



    • Jo Beaufoix Says:

      Omg me too sweetie. And I wanted to swim in a big natural pool in the rocks like they did at Malory Towers. The horse has got rather glamourous eyes, but luckily they do open and close so she does go to sleep thank Bob. I wouldn’t want them following me around the room. :D x


  6. A Modern Mother Says:

    I get that alot. Mummy can I go live with Daisy? They have a kitty.


    • Jo Beaufoix Says:

      It’s a killer isn’t it? Hee hee. One of E’s friends has a gorgeous chocolate lab, the other has a lovely labradoodle, and I wouldn’t mind moving in with them both myself. :D


  7. Preseli Mags Says:

    What a gorgeous post. Lovely Miss M. My two see it from the other side. They don’t want to live on our farm they want to live with H’s friend G who has a – wait for it – a hot tub! Mind you I’d swap our sheep for a hot tub too.


  8. Jo Beaufoix Says:

    Wow a hot tub Mags, fabulous. :D Maybe you could just warm up the sheep dip?? ;D


  9. Ed Says:

    Now you’re going to have to send her back but this time tell her friends parents to make her work the whole time. Maybe she’ll change her tune about wanting of off you.



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