I have two little girls. They’re both bright, funny, emotional, cheeky and fun, but in other ways they are so different and sometimes that difference shouts at me and slaps me upside the head leaving me worried and sad.
At a recent night of Girl Scout discos, while M (6) was happy to take her Rainbow Leader’s hand and walk into the ‘unknown’, E (10) needed me to stay with her until another girl from Guides came up to her with a smile and took her under her wing.
While M is gaining in confidence E seems to be losing hers a little, and part of me is so scared for her. Secondary School looms in September, hormones are rearing their gittish little heads and she is definitely going into that slightly awkward and very self conscious phase where you lose the surety of being a ‘cute kid’ and move into the insecurity of changes you cannot control.
To me she is still my ‘cute kid’, but the hormones worry me as my own self esteem issues started at the onset of puberty, and secondary school was pretty much hell for me. And E is so like me .
Mr B and I have always made sure she knows she is loved, she is beautiful and she is valued, but will it be enough to get her through the next few years relatively unscathed??
What a difference a couple of months can make!
I wrote the paragraph above in May, but 2 months on and things have changed; so much so that while I still view secondary with unease, I have realised the unease is pretty much all mine.
It started with an audition for a local choir where E was lucky enough to gain a place (woohooo). She took a risk and went for it and thank bob and all his little hairy animals it paid off. I’d have never had the guts to do that at her age.
She also took her SATS, AND, wait for it, got 99 out of 100 in Maths!!!! OMG my child is a number legend!! (It definitely comes from her Dad.)
And finally she took part in a school production of last weekend Annie and said her few lines with the cutest American accent as well as singing a little on her own. My ghast is completely flabbered. She suddenly has this aura of satisfaction about her. Not in a “I am completely fabulous and you should probably all bow” kind of way, but in an “I’m actually ok” kind of way which just makes my heart fill up with pride.
It’s made me realise that it’s ok to encourage your kids to step out of their comfort zone. The benefits can be huge. It’s not that I didn’t know that before, but I’ve always cushioned my kids as much as possible and not ‘pushed’ for fear of pushing too much. I suppose it’s why you’re ‘pushing’. If it’s for your own gratification, or to keep up with the Jones or for bragging rights then it’s crap, but if you think your child will really benefit from taking a risk, and that they’ll be able to cope with possible failure (which lets face it we all have to face sometimes), then a gentle shove is fine.
So in the last week, when I have barely been online as E has had her DARE graduation, a year 6 cake sale, year 6 talent show, performed in 4 Annie shows, attended the school leavers Beach Party and has been preparing for her ‘School Leavers Mass’ (tissues at the ready), I have been learning:
a My kid is wicked
b I should never be allowed in a pet shop when I am hormonal (Blumming PMDD)
and
c Sometimes a push can be good. Except off a cliff. That is always bad.
Photo Credit
Edited at the fabulous picnik.com
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July 21st, 2011 at 3:04 pm
HAHA!!! Wonderful! How I would have loved to hear her American accent!
I recall having to play a king (!) in a school play and had to do a VERY high status British accent—hahahahahaha. So much fun.
And good for her for being a mathematician—-I could never lay claim to that!!!
xo–S.
July 21st, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Susan I was so proud. She was Francis Perkins – one of Roosevelt’s advisors, as well as being a bum in Hooverville and a servant at Warbuck’s mansion. She’s always been quite nervous on stage but she did so well.
The Maths thing is mad but so so good as I am not a maths person in any way. I like the logic but have no confidence with numbers. They give me hives.
I would love to hear your Brit accent. (And your Chicago accent).
July 21st, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Go Miss E! *pom poms* And go Ms Jo
July 21st, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Ack Catherine I hope we get to meet up with kids one day. My two would love William and I think he’d quite like them too.
July 21st, 2011 at 3:10 pm
Your kids are both fabulous, because they have a fabulous mom!
July 21st, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Awww thanks hon. I hope so. They’re wicked.
July 21st, 2011 at 10:19 pm
99 out of 100 in maths? That’s like 90%!!
I’m pretty sure that amature dramatics saved me. I was horrifically painfully shy as a kid. I still am to be honest, but being in all those plays gave me the confidence to get past it much of the time.
July 22nd, 2011 at 4:08 am
Hmmm, isn’t it 99% Are you testing my Maths skills Dan? How rude.
The drama has been so good for her. One of the Mums runs a local Drama School and is amazing. It would cost a bomb to send her there but she runs an after school club on Mondays and it’s only £2 a lesson. Her youngest is in year 6 in September so I’m really hoping it doesn’t mean she’ll stop when he leaves as I’d love Maddy to go but they don’t let them till year 3.
Hope you’re all ok.
July 23rd, 2011 at 6:50 am
It’s funny; mine are all home educated and mostly as they’ve hit 4, I’ve looked at them and thought “you are so little, so not ready for school.” And then a year later, something happens anyway and I look at them and think “oh, you grew! you would have been okay!” Kids seem to have these phases and the best I’ve come up with is that although people assign the changes to school, or time of adversity, really they just seem to happen.
DD1 did a term in Yr6. I was bothered but she had a ball, then made her own choice not to go on to Yr7 and return to home ed instead. I was quite glad as she didn’t really seem ready for the big tough secondary she was allocated a place at and I’d have been sorry to see her there. And she seemed young, unformed, not as big as I was at 11. (ha!)
Last week a place at a really good school was offered to her out of the blue and although she’s been happy at home, she feels the opportunity is there to be grabbed and is off in September, to a massive school which will be a huge challenge. And yet, despite everything a home ed life could mean, she is utterly ready and I can see she is. Such a lot changes in those 2 11-13 years – it is quite incredible.
July 27th, 2011 at 10:31 am
Confident kids are a sign of good parenting (I was told) so give yourself a pat on the back.