22 things about me:

1. I’m an aquarius (not an aquarium)

2. I have 2 girls aged 6 and 11

3. I love chocolate ice cream

4. I have a mole on my left thigh that sometimes grows a little hair

5. I’ve never had a tooth pulled out

6. I once met Grotbags from Emu’s pink windmill show

7. I write daft poems

8. I think Spike Milligan and Vic Reeves are geniuses/genii

9. I love bouncy guitar tunes

10. I worry about my weight

11. I used to be a dog groomer canine beautician

12. My favourite artist is Govinder Nazran

13. I like to eat risotto

14. I can roll my tongue

15. I have the most amazing mates, they’re the best

16. I am pale and interesting but my cheeks go red when I’m tired, drunk, embarassed or hot

17. I like jokes like this: -What’s brown and sticky? A stick. -Shakespeare walked into a bar, barman said, “Y’ barred”

18. I drink vodka, wine, lager, water, and tea

19. I don’t want to grow up too soon

20. I don’t like ignorance, brown sauce or neat whisky (or dishevelled whisky.)

21. I once fell down some steps in a bar, landed on my feet, didn’t spill my drink, and nobody saw

22. I’d quite like to own a donkey