This is a scratch and sniff post.  If you scratch the onscreen chocolates then sniff your computer it will smell of yummy chocolatey goodness.  It works especially well if you hold a bar of chocolate under your nose as you do it.

Ready?

Ok.  Fill your lungs, breath out slowly, nose to screen annnnnnnnnd

sniffffffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Go on, take in the aroma.  Let it dance daintily betwixt your nostril hairs, arabesque across your adenoids, soubresaut up your schnoz.

Lovely isn’t it?  Like a huge great big piece of love, an all embracing wack around the olfactory nerves with a warm cuddly chunk of cocoa heaven.

And it’s for you.

Because you lifted me out of the blue, chased off the black dog and made me smile when I was feeling like a used nappy, under a pile of used nappies, in the biggest nappy bin in the land of poo.    The fact that I ‘bled’ helped too in that it once again showed that when I think PMDD is hitting –  even though I only had a period 10 days ago (s0rry boys) – then I should trust what I’m feeling as I’m usually right.  Yes we seem to be back in the land of ‘why menstruate once a month when you can do it twice’, whoopee for me.  I’m actually relieved though as with the red stuff comes relief, a clearing of the head, calm.

Thank you so much for the comments, hugs and emails.  I am a lucky lady.  I have good friends, the ones I’m heading into town with on Saturday night and the ones I hope to share a chat, a hug and a drink with at CyberMummy.

If that wasn’t enough to lift anyone’s mood, yesterday my cousin and her lovely man had a beautiful and long awaited baby girl and boy.  Seeing that fuzzy pic of one of my favourite people in the world with a tired post c-section face, the biggest smile and a tiny baby in each arm was amazing.

Having Miss M asking me if she was born ‘out of my tummy or out of my bottom like a poo’ was equally amazing, though in a different way.  :D

I also had an email today saying I’d made the Cision Top 10 UK Mummy Bloggers list for the third year in a row which was a lovely surprise, especially as I have Taralara sitting on my head.  No nicer person could sit atop your head I have to say, (except maybe David Tennant.)  Congrats Becks, Laura, Josie, Suzannah, and the rest of you lovely ladies too.  Oh and congrats to fellow Hadrian’s Walkers and all round lovely blokes Dan and Ian as well. They made the Top 10 UK Daddy Bloggers list along with Tim and another group of great reads.

So my smile is back.  It’s a bit wobbly at times and I know will be for a while yet (blumming hormones), but it’s back.

P.S.  Thanks @notsupermum.  You’re a star. x

Photo credit:  Chocolates and Lambs
Edited at picnik.com

I mean, unless you live in a zoo or are the sole provider of dental care for Lesser Spotted Tripe Hounds, it’s unlikely you feel that warm flush of well-being that comes from doing something good for one of Bob’s holy creatures, on a regular basis.  You know, that lovely fluffy pouffe of inner glowiness that swells your chest and makes you feel slightly floaty and as bright as a biscuit?

But here at jobeaufoix.com I am giving you that chance today.  You see, Barbara my ostrich, she of the occasional drunken antics, ideas above her station and who likes to go snowboarding at Christmas, well, she’s a bit down in the dumps.

Why?

Because she’s been invited to Christmas Dinner with the Queen, Ruth Maddock and Paul McCartney and she can’t decide between this or this to wear.  I mean the first one’s kind of dramatic, but the second one is just made for a long-legged-bird, and is more to Bab’s taste if I’m honest.

Part of me thinks she should sod the dress code and go au naturale but I would hate for her to be locked in the tower or beheaded or something, and Bab’s wants a new frock so who am I to stamp all over my lovely friend’s dreams in big pointy shoes?

So, if you could just have a peep at the two choices tand let us know what you think, Bab’s will be very happy and your inner goodness will flow from every pore and make people stop you in the street and give you gifts, compliments and free chocolate…

yum  yum 

And yes, you’re right, I am just trying to get you to click through to Next again. There’s a good reason, honest, and my gerbils will be so grateful.

Thanks

P.s. Don’t forget to enter the Next Daily Competition. The prizes are fab.

photo credit

Myself and Misses E and M have joined my parents, brothers and sister in laws, and sister and brother in law, and nieces for a family Easter away from it all.  Tonight I will be having my first ever spa with my sis Claire, and my s-i-l’s, Helly and Saz, while my youngest brother and my bro in law put my monkeys to bed.  (Gulp).

Other than that we have a weekend of swimming, disco dancing, squirrel watching, pond exploring, game playing, alcohol drinking, chocolate munching, laughter sharing loveliness planned.

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter holiday and get to spend time with people you love.

Big smoochy kisses

xx

For example, I remember watching a programme where a Chinese Dragon – you know, the fabric kind – ate a young boy.  I really, truly wasn’t sure if I’ve just witnessed a kid being munched.  Even though it’s quite likely I was watching Blue Peter or some other equally benign kids show.

Another example, is that I didn’t think you were ‘allowed’ to read the magazine ‘Just 17′, until you WERE 17, so I felt like a bit of a rebel when I read it at 16.

I know…

It’s sad.

But it brings me nicely to this.  Ignore everything up to o7.29 minutes, in fact, forward it to there if you can (Jim Davidson, shiver).  Then watch it to 07.50.

It looks nice right?  But it wasn’t for the children.  The children were not to be told.  They couldn’t have it.  How mean is that?  And then, they stopped making it.  So when I grew up, I never got to taste it.  How mean is THAT?

So firstly, I would love to know what you believed when you were no’ but a wee sprog?

And secondly, did you ever taste Chambourcy REAL Chocolate Mousse, and if so, was it as heavenly as that voice makes it sound?

And did it make your pupils dilate and  your lips go all pouty or did you just scoff it down?

I NEED to know.

(This post is sponsored by chocolate.  Just chocolate in general, because it is everywhere and I cannot escape it.)

No really.

Just didn’t want you to think I’d been picked up and slung over the shoulder of a handsome stranger – probably a Simon Baker or David Tennant look alike – and whisked away to somewhere lovely where they supply calorie free but extremely yummy chocolate, and a special book that you can read in the bath and which burns fat faster than any sport known to man and in triple the time.

So I’m saying hello, but I’m leaving the Haiti post up another day as it’s so important.  We’ve raised almost £3000 now folks.  That’s enough for 6 Shelter boxes and still going!   If you’ve not given yet and you can possibly spare just a little, please go here.  We can help.

And can I just say, English Mum, who organised this all by rallying together a small group of bloggers who have become friends, who each then went on to rally a larger group of bloggers who are now friends and some of them were already planning their own stuff anyway, who went on to rally an even larger group of bloggers who are now friends and some of them were…blah blah blah, you get it, well,  English Mum, is a shining star of wonderful gorgeousness.  And not just because it says so on her blog.  Thanks hon.  x

Ain’t blogging blumming wonderful!!

What do you get for the man in your life who is no longer ‘the man’ in your life but who will always be the man in your kids’ lives?

I’ve been putting this off a little I think, but with 9 sleeps till Christmas it’s definitely about time I got off my butt and bought Mr B a seasonal gift.  As most of you know, me and my husband of almost 16 years went our separate ways in February this year.  It was the right thing to do, for all of us I think, but Christmas was always going to be a biggy, in that for the whole of my adult life he has been a part of mine.

I had decided that it would be ok to leave the choice of gift completely to Misses E and M, so when a certain company asked me to write about their site, offering an incentive for both myself and of course you lot, well I could hardly say no, but also, it seemed the ideal opportunity to let my girls browse the ‘for him’ section, (under £20 of course, baa humbug) in the safety of our own home – and believe me I’m talking safety for myself and other shoppers, not for my dear sweet little monkeys girls.

The thing is, well, Miss M especially was not really very impressed with the ‘For Him’ section.  Because,

Miss M:  ”Dat’s boring Mummy and my Daddy will not like any of it.”

So we head swiftly to the toy section, where after several minutes Miss M comes upon the perfect gift for a 48 year old drummer with a penchant for Glen Morangie, Indie music, techy gadget type stuff and  social history…

Isn’t it just fabulous?

Apparently, Barbie’s Miette is an “Interactive kitten that even cuddles, talks and moves to the music from the movie!  The more you play with her, the more she surprises with new moves and sounds!”

Perfect right?  What more would any man want?

I have a feeling the new moves  little Miette may learn will quite possibly involve being kicked around the room by a large pair of cherry red Docs, sighhhhhh.  As for sounds, well who knows, possibly the odd expletive?  Or the sweet enquiring voice of a 4 year asking her Daddy why Miette’s ‘jaunty hat’ is a bit squished, and what happened to the lovely CD that came with her?

I admit I was tempted (bad Jo), but something tells me Miss M would far prefer this little darling for herself so it may well turn up for her birthday at the end of January if I can convince Daddy to chip in.

As for the other stuff on the site, well these especially caught my eye as my brothers are ridiculously hard to buy for, and the one I already bought for my brother Steve’s birthday a week or so ago went down brilliantly. I’m thinking one for my other brother Dave for his birthday in Jan’, one for Mr B for his birthday in Jan’, and maybe even one as part of my Dad’s Christmas box.  And they’re 3 for 2.  Result!

(You think I’m joking right?   I’m not.)

Anyway, if you’ve still not quite started finished your Christmas shopping, or like me you have a glut of January birthdays, (there’s also my Mum’s, my cousin’s, my godson’s and my mate’s), then head over to Very, open a quick credit account and get £10 off a purchase of at least £20 using this voucher code before December 23rd:

Code ZG252

Personally I’m thinking this item might be my first purchase.

I reckon it will go very well with these.

Cake

That’s all I have to say

Have Haagen Daz and White Zinfandel.

I’m now thinking it may have just been a general lergy as we’re all much better today.  I’m going to give them another day tomorrow and if they’re symptom free and school are happy, then I’ll send them back on Tuesday. 

So I’m celebrating with wine and ice cream and hopefully the final episode of Torchwood.

Night night

There was fun with balloons…

Yummy party food…

And a bouncy castle…

And the kids had a great time too.

Have a fab weekend everybody. I’m off out for a girlie night with my two sister-in-laws and some mates tonight. It will almost definitely involve wine and chocolates.

Sighhhh.

Perfect.

Having had a poorly 3 and 8 year old off school today on the one day I had the car (oh the plans I had), I am tres grumpy and to be honest am already on my second glass of wine as I intend to drown myself in oblivion and wake up with a sore head but at least a reason for it.

Misses E and M are ok but full of evil ‘back to school’ green stuff that pours from their nostrils every other minute and made their tea taste all funny. (That’s mu excuse and I’m sticking to it.) I wore a black top today – not a good idea, but I think if they get a good night I’ll send ‘em back to school and nursery tomorrow and maybe get 5 minutes peace.

So without further ado…

1. Where was I 10 years ago?

10 years ago I was 23 and living with Mr B in a small rented property in Mansfield. We had a very strange next door neighbour who padlocked his wheelie bin, painted his garden gnomes yellow one night which gave us a bit of a shock when we let the cat out next morning, and who once shared with me the concern that his new ceramic fox might frighten our chocolate brown stink hound. It didn’t.

Having realized that it was unlikely I would ever make my fortune from working as a kennel manageress and dog groomer Canine Beautician, I was just about to return to education in the form of a degree in English (which I loved) and was working part time at a local bar where I was regularly harassed and occasionally groped by drunken old men. Ahhh such a picture I paint.

Lucky for me I was also about to attend an interview for the position of ‘Sinline Operator’ at Slimming World HQ, a job which got me through the first 2 years of my degree, marriage and pregnancy as I worked up to Miss E’s due date in July 2000.

2. What’s on my to do list today?

Hmmm, it’s 8.20pm, but the plans I had this morning, oh the plans. I had the car so the idea was to take Miss E to school, Miss M to nursery, then maybe wander round the shops. Then I would have been picking up Miss M, taking her to her swimming lesson, coming home for lunch and a play, then picking Miss E up after basketball at 4.30pm.

But alas, snot took away my freedom, sighhh, and instead I stayed home with two grumpy little buggers, folded clothes, sorted washing, tidied, entertained and made tea, while the car sat angry and pouting on the drive. My plans tonight are to drink my nice wine and read.

3. What if I was a billionaire?

Erm, new house with swimming pool, lots of family time, dog and donkey sanctuary, personal trainer and travel. And I’d get a Mac, or maybe 10.

4. Five Places I have lived

Mansfield (parents, 3 houses)
Salford (1 student house)
Mansfield (2 rented, 2 bought, not all at the same time.)

5. Snacks I like

Houmous
Chocolate
McCoys Crisps
Carrots

7. Who am I tagging?

Hmmm, anyone else who has been blighted by the lergy this week and wants to play.

Mwah

Oh, and I’ve decided to continue with the gerbil ball but to use it only when they seem awake and ready to interact and to take them out if ever they seem distressed. It’s a hard thing being a responsible pet owner but I think we can give them a good life and they will be very much loved. I know freedom is better but I think we can make them happy. I hope so. Thanks for all your feedback.