Hmmmm, don’t answer that.

There are just two more days till I finally see my Doctor and ask her that question.  It’s been a hell of a few weeks and to be honest I possibly couldn’t have done it without the distraction of two small girls ripping into a box full of toys with looks of intense glee on their faces and giggles that have become gradually more crazy-sounding.

Seriously, they have been having a brilliant time.  Whenever I’ve been at my lowest we’ve been able to try something new, and it’s been a mood-lifter for us all.  I’ve really enjoyed extracting opinions from them too, and it seems the measure of a good toy is not only whether or not you like it, but also whether you would give it to a friend.

The biggest hits so far have been:

Boggle Flash

Which E and I love and even Miss M has had a little go at with the old cat, hat and mat thing.
It’s easy to use, packs down into a tiiiiiiny box and at £25 isn’t a bad buy.  There are 3 games including one for mulitple players and I’m sure we’ll be playing this at Christmas this year while my brothers are battling it out on the wii and my dad snores.  (By ‘we’ I mean my Mum, sister-in-laws and nieces.)  It doesn’t make the original boggle obsolete either, there’s room for both I promise.

E, M and M’s 6 year-old-friend also loved Sprayza pens, in fact they loved them so much Miss E wrote her own review which I will share with you later this week.  And, while they’re usually £9.99 they’re £7.99 at the moment.  Bargain!

The Shaker Maker went down well even though it was a Ben 10 one.  E and M had fun with the shaking and the making and Ben 10 looked great in pink.  He looked less attractive  in a crumbly mess on the floor but that was definitely our fault and not the people at ShakerMaker HQ.  At £9.99 it got the ‘cool present thumbs up’ and they make loads of different kinds, even David Tennant, David Beckham and David Hasslehoff ones.  (Ok, I lied about the David Tennant, David Beckhma and David Hasslehoff ones.)

But,  The Girls Only Kim Doll?  Well erm, maybe the look on my children’s faces will give you an idea about our reaction to this.

The 10 year old on the right is no longer into dolls.  She loves anything small and cute, and we have not yet moved on the baby-borns, prams, bottles etc but they are in the wardrobe or on top of the wardrobe in the position of all not-much-played-with-but-not-yet-completely-scorned toys.

The 5 year old on the left finds most life-like dolls a little bit scary.  She likes dressing up,  animal toys and Barbies, but not baby dolls or dolls with ’scary mad hair’ which was her description of the lovely Kim.  We listened to the CD but E and M were not fans and to be honest the assertion that Kim is a ‘fashionista’ made me feel a little ill.  I wasn’t too fond of the ‘Girls Only’ label either.  My girls played quite happily with the Ben 10 shaker maker and the Pirate Snakes & Ladders set, both of which might have been considered to be aimed at boys going by the packaging, so the labelling of a toy aimed at small children as ‘Girls Only’ just didn’t sit right with me.  The Snazaroo Boy’s Face Painting Set got around this problem by having a Snazaroo Girl’s Face Painting set too.
If it’s any consolation Mr/Mrs Zapf, I’m pretty sure I would have loved this doll as a kid, and the friend I’ve passed it on to thought it was perfect for their 7 year old daughter so maybe my kids are just weird?

We have a couple more items to explore, both of which need Mummy at full brain capacity, but if that doesn’t happen any time soon I may bribe trick invite Granny to play.  In the mean time, just see us as your friendly and honest Christmas prezzie advisers.  My two little Toyologists are working hard and, well ok I admit it, I’m kind of enjoying it too.

Thanks Toys R Us. x

P.S.  Click the link for some fab Toys R Us competitions.

No really.

Just didn’t want you to think I’d been picked up and slung over the shoulder of a handsome stranger – probably a Simon Baker or David Tennant look alike – and whisked away to somewhere lovely where they supply calorie free but extremely yummy chocolate, and a special book that you can read in the bath and which burns fat faster than any sport known to man and in triple the time.

So I’m saying hello, but I’m leaving the Haiti post up another day as it’s so important.  We’ve raised almost £3000 now folks.  That’s enough for 6 Shelter boxes and still going!   If you’ve not given yet and you can possibly spare just a little, please go here.  We can help.

And can I just say, English Mum, who organised this all by rallying together a small group of bloggers who have become friends, who each then went on to rally a larger group of bloggers who are now friends and some of them were already planning their own stuff anyway, who went on to rally an even larger group of bloggers who are now friends and some of them were…blah blah blah, you get it, well,  English Mum, is a shining star of wonderful gorgeousness.  And not just because it says so on her blog.  Thanks hon.  x

Ain’t blogging blumming wonderful!!

No really.

I never thought it would happen, but I now have staff, a personal trainer to be exact!  He’s tall, pale, sort of interesting looking in a weirdly two dimensional way and he’s on call anytime I want him.  He’s polite, encouraging, fit (obviously), and he doesn’t poke me in my flabby bits and mock me when I get all out of breath and sweaty , or call me a ‘lardy arsed old harridan’ or other such untruths, which would probably put me off.  Sounds perfect right?

But, well, I do have one problem with him.

He’s too nice.

Don’t get me wrong, I prefer being guided by him than by a perfectly toned bint in a leotard and designer trainers who probably wouldn’t even perspire if she was working out in a fur coat, in a furnace, but I can’t help thinking that I might be more inspired by one of those Ex Sergeant Major types, or a bloke with a cattle prong, or perhaps Hugh Jackman.

“But how could you convince Hugh Jackman to take time out of his busy schedule to pop over to chez Beaufoix and put you through your paces dear Jo?”  I hear you ask.

Well, I could if my Wii Fit Plus had an option where I could choose someone a bit more interesting than the Green Cross Code man, to be my personal fitness Guru.

I mean how cool would that be?

Wii Balance Board:  ”Would you like to be trained by Madam Skinny Arse McPerfect Busms, or one of these lovely specimens Ms Beaufoix?”

Option A

Option B

Option C

I mean, it wouldn’t be that difficult for the lovely folks at Nintendo to sort right??

And they could do something equally fitting for their male customers.  (I’d suggest Anne Widdicombe, Ann Diamond or Anne of Green Gables.)

Cough.

So yes, you’ve guessed it,  this is either a review cunningly disguised as a homage to some lovely men, or a homage to some lovely men cunningly disguised as a review.

I’ll leave the decision to you.

If you  decide it’s a review then it would be useful for me to point out that:

• I actually big pink puffy heart my Wii Fit Plus almost as much as my children.  Almost.
• That it was really easy to set up and is equally easy to use, even for a techno simpleton such as I
• That the exercises are brilliant and if I don’t hula hoop my waist down to ’silflike’ (whatever a silf is) by the New Year I will be gobsmacked
• That Misses E and M are so much more co-ordinated than me and that the Mii they have created for me looks a little like Carol Thatcher
• That I would prefer it to set the higher level of my healthy BMI for a goal as I am too skinny at the lower level and I felt a bit dictated to
• That at first there is more watching than exercising but that that is changing fast as I’m getting better at it

And if you decide this isn’t a review then just enjoy the boys.

P.S.  I’m allowed to call them boys as if they’re just there for decoration I’m already being a little un-pc. Might as well go the whole hog.

P.P.S.   And yes I did get a Wii and Wii Fit Plus in exchange for this post, but I promise I tried to make it more attractive than the usual reviews.  I think I did ok.  Don’t hate me.

P.P. S. S.  What does P.P.S.S stand for anyway?

She is also one of my bezzie mates after meeting in real life and finding she is just as fabulous as her blog makes you think she will be.

And she wants to know:

1. the backyardigans, the teletubbies, and a large red hamster all materialize in your back garden while you are trying to hang laundry to dry. what is the method you will use to get them out of your way?

I would move them on using the power of dance.  I’m thinking a couple of plies, a grand jete and a do-si-do should do the trick.  I’ll have a little cat shaped bag waiting and scoop them all into it before you can say partridge.  They’ll never know what hit them.

2. the new dr. who has been announced. david tennant is now free to do whatever he wants, but he needs advice on the two roles he has been offered. he shows up at your door for a little chat. what are the roles, and what do you tell him?

The first role is a role as a roll that rolls. 
In this role, the roll is a sympathetic character at first who wishes to be able to walk around like normal bread, but due to his spherical appearance, and having no limbs to speak of, he is destined to a life of dizzying perambulation.  Then he meets a rather attractive knife who spends the larger part of an hour slicing and and dicing until our roll has a pretty convincing pair of legs.  Sadly our joy at dough boys deliverance is short lived as he uses his new appendages to kick Ms Pointy britches in the handle, then runs off with a toasted sandwich.

I would advise David that playing bread is never a good idea and would not stretch him as an actor unless they decided he could be a baguette.  However a baguette would not be able to roll so this would be an unlikely outcome as the rolling roll is key to the role.

The second role would be to play the love interest in the film version of a certain blogger’s life story (one whose name rhymes with Bo Jeaufoix.)  The blogger would play herself.  He would jump at the chance and insist on rehearsing all the snogging scenes immediately, over a double chocca mocha latte and a coconut macaroon.

3. heavenly bob has decided to make another animal (or, whatever, evolution). what is the animal, and how much more work does the female do than the male?

Hmmmmm.  I would invent a new kind of slug.  It would be a slime free, invisible version that actually kills germs as it goes and is able to vaporize all other none invisible slugs within a 50 mile radius, all while releasing sweet and cleansing odours into the air and playing the tunes of Tom Jones and Madonna from a small speaker in its bottom.  The women do all the work but that’s because there are no men.  They re not necessary as these slugs reproduce by winking at each other.

4. you are a brit (no, really, look in the mirror, you’ll see.). have you ever had :

a) haggis (yes, i know that’s scottish, hello, it’s only about 20 mintues north of you. in the north.) – I once tried haggis when I was a small child.  It was at a St George’s Day Party at Brownies.  I thought it tasted ok as far as I can remember, but I turned veggie 9 years after so who knows if that played a part.

b) black pudding – yack no, yack.  I am not a vampire you know.  Not that black pudding is human blood or anything.  But then it might be…it might be a weird government conspiracy.  Shiver.

c) a scotch egg – yes, I remember thinking it was ok on the couple of occasions I had it.  Tastes a bit like chocolate.  (Ok, I’m lying.)

d) faggots (subquestion: what the heck is this anyway?) – I think they’re meatballs.  Mr B will have eaten them, he’ll eat anything.  I’ll check when he gets home and if I’m wrong I’ll eat my cat.  UPDATE – I checked.  I will not dining on ‘cat’ tonight.

e) which of these is the *most* wrong, and is the one which you will serve to me as a clue that you no longer want my friendship? will it come with lettuce or slug on the side?

Hmmm, I think I’d make you a ‘black pudding’ pudding.  It would look really yummy on the outside, kind of like a very attractive sock, but on the inside it would look like your insides.  Nice.  Oh and I wouldn’t put slug and lettuce with it, but a nice raspberry compote and some English custard.  Yum.

5. the slugs that plague you have formed a shanty-town complete with makeshift slug cinema near your fridge. there are no hammers in your house, as mr b has taken them to use as backup mallets at his latest gig. you decide that the greenest thing would be to try to recycle the slugs. what do you make out of them?

I have several ideas but I will begin with the ones I couldn’t do as I am far too nice.  

I COULDN’T roast them for a few minutes, scoop out their innards and create attractive faux leather handbags for Barbie dolls.

Here’s the directions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the
questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask
them five questions.

Laura, AOJ, Potty Mummy, Lilac Specs, Dan, Karisma and Maureen have all volunteered to be interviewed so far and questions will be winging their way to them soon.

..and that was just the company (Holl and Belle xx).  Seriously though folks, it was absolutely fabulous and I loved every moment.  David was amazing and gave a fantastic portrayal of his character Berowne, and his performance was complimented by a brilliant cast who were all equally charming and exuberant.

The set was simple yet perfect, the costumes elaborate Elizabethan affairs that made the ladies look stunningly beautiful and the men leggy and, well, kind of fit, (although when Miss M glanced at this post she did ask what that lady was doing in her blue dress, cough.) and the staging full of energy and life.

Oh, and wonderfully a bystander was able to capture the moment David spotted Holl, Belle and me in the audience and could barely contain his excitement as he flung his arms wide, ran towards us and pulled us all into a manly embrace. 

And some of what I have written above might be a lie.

Why?

Well, on Friday I will be traversing to Stratford Upon Avon to see the delectable David Tennant in this 16th Century Comedy, along with my gorgeous Holly and my scrumptious Belle.

Being an English Graduate I have read most of Shakespeare’s plays, but this one seems to have dodged my radar so I plan to familiarize myself with the plot so that I won’t be distracted from David’s lycra enveloped manly legs.

Does that make me a bad person?

Naaaah.  Public drooling.  That would make me a bad person.