This is a scratch and sniff post.  If you scratch the onscreen chocolates then sniff your computer it will smell of yummy chocolatey goodness.  It works especially well if you hold a bar of chocolate under your nose as you do it.

Ready?

Ok.  Fill your lungs, breath out slowly, nose to screen annnnnnnnnd

sniffffffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Go on, take in the aroma.  Let it dance daintily betwixt your nostril hairs, arabesque across your adenoids, soubresaut up your schnoz.

Lovely isn’t it?  Like a huge great big piece of love, an all embracing wack around the olfactory nerves with a warm cuddly chunk of cocoa heaven.

And it’s for you.

Because you lifted me out of the blue, chased off the black dog and made me smile when I was feeling like a used nappy, under a pile of used nappies, in the biggest nappy bin in the land of poo.    The fact that I ‘bled’ helped too in that it once again showed that when I think PMDD is hitting –  even though I only had a period 10 days ago (s0rry boys) – then I should trust what I’m feeling as I’m usually right.  Yes we seem to be back in the land of ‘why menstruate once a month when you can do it twice’, whoopee for me.  I’m actually relieved though as with the red stuff comes relief, a clearing of the head, calm.

Thank you so much for the comments, hugs and emails.  I am a lucky lady.  I have good friends, the ones I’m heading into town with on Saturday night and the ones I hope to share a chat, a hug and a drink with at CyberMummy.

If that wasn’t enough to lift anyone’s mood, yesterday my cousin and her lovely man had a beautiful and long awaited baby girl and boy.  Seeing that fuzzy pic of one of my favourite people in the world with a tired post c-section face, the biggest smile and a tiny baby in each arm was amazing.

Having Miss M asking me if she was born ‘out of my tummy or out of my bottom like a poo’ was equally amazing, though in a different way.  :D

I also had an email today saying I’d made the Cision Top 10 UK Mummy Bloggers list for the third year in a row which was a lovely surprise, especially as I have Taralara sitting on my head.  No nicer person could sit atop your head I have to say, (except maybe David Tennant.)  Congrats Becks, Laura, Josie, Suzannah, and the rest of you lovely ladies too.  Oh and congrats to fellow Hadrian’s Walkers and all round lovely blokes Dan and Ian as well. They made the Top 10 UK Daddy Bloggers list along with Tim and another group of great reads.

So my smile is back.  It’s a bit wobbly at times and I know will be for a while yet (blumming hormones), but it’s back.

P.S.  Thanks @notsupermum.  You’re a star. x

Photo credit:  Chocolates and Lambs
Edited at picnik.com

How rude!

But I learnt something.

When your friend is awaiting the arrival of his new baby boy, and has been through a variety of virtual reincarnations and hence changes of email address over the past year, do not, I repeat DO NOT rely on the poor man to remember to register your domain name again.
But oh my Bob it has been so traumatic.  You see, I thought we were too late and that someone else had bought www.jobeaufoix.com and that this was it, the end of my 4 years of fun, growth, adventure and hard work. The end of something that I hope one day, when I’m well enough, might just lead to other things with the writing and all that (a girl’s gotta dream.)

I was bereft.  I literally sobbed my heart out.  Ok hormones may have had a little to do with it, but as my Mum and Dad said, ‘that morning I had waved one child off on her school weekend away, and suddenly it felt like I was losing another!’  Dramatic I know, but nevertheless completely true.

It has made me realise how much I need this place.  My blog, my friends, my outlet, my escape.  I think that’s why I opted out of the Tots 100, why I duck when there are Award Ceremonies, why I wrote THAT post last year, and why I find myself floating more and more on the edges of the Mummy Blogging world, fabulous though I know it is.

My blog holds so much of my life.  There’s Miss M learning to talk, Miss E learning to read, tales of poo, glue, a shoe, a gnu (ok I lied about the gnu).  There are daft poems, silly stories, a slow realisation of how pmdd affects me, mine and my husbands separation, a single parent’s evolution from nightlife to flat packed furniture, and it’s all there to look back on, laugh at, learn from and enjoy, and I need it.

It’s the only thing that I feel like I can kind of do well.  It’s a way for me to escape the world, explore feelings and ideas and it’s hard to be judged on that because it’s a judgement on who I am and where I am.  It’s a big emotional chunk of me, and if you kick it or drop it, I get bruises.  Sad I know.

Yes we get cool stuff, great opportunities and holidays and all that, but in the end it’s the other stuff that I cannot lose.

Something really cool did come out of the possible demise of www.jobeaufoix.com.  My parents and friends and sister fought for me; for it.  They were hurt and angry too.  They listened, they phoned friends to get advise on whether or not I could get it back from the supposed evil git who had nicked my domain name.  They ‘got’ how important this place is to me.  They made me realise it’s important to them too.

My sister’s friend Mel began the calming process by saying it looked like a holding page rather than a new site.  My friend Nic made me cups of tea as I sobbed, and helped me devise a plan.  Mr B passed on numbers for Big Dave who passed me the numbers for Ashley that I could not find in my tear drenched state, and Ashley stopped the panic and explained that even if he’d missed the renewal date there was a 60 day holding period.  It would all be ok.

Phew!

Today my blog popped up again all gorgeous and feathery and delicious.  Flowers arrived from interflora and are sitting happily on top of my old gramophone case, their delicate scent filling our sunlit lounge and even managing to disguise the pong of sawdust from the gerbil tank, and all my babies are safe and well.  And while two of them matter more than anything in the world, I’ve realised the other one is pretty important too.  Tonight I might just sing it a lullaby and rock it to sleep.

Happy Birthday lovely blog.  Here’s to the next four years of madness.
And thank you Interflora for the chance to review the flowers.  They’re stunning, and they came  at the perfect time.  It is so lovely it is to stand on your doorstep receiving flowers, especially when the neighbours are just coming home.  It’s nice to look popular, hee hee.

Additional Interflora Information:

If you’re thinking of sending flower gifts, whether you’re looking for flower delivery London or elsewhere in the UK, from roses to the simple scent of summer arrangement I received, there really is something for everyone.
Mine came with that gorgeous vase and I have to admit it made me feel pretty fabulous to have something so beautiful arrive on my door step, especially after such a rough weekend.

An egghunt

A hord

A boat ride

A horse and a wagon

A splash

A holiday

And even though it meant missing a day at Drayton Manor Park to try out the new Ben 10 ride with Tara, Rosie, Dan and Ian…

..it was still fabulous.

Happy Easter everybody.  Hope you have lovely stuff planned and that in there somewhere is chocolate.

Sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without my little girls.  When life seems like one disaster after another and I’ve had to make some tough decisions and feel more alone than I have done in a long time, my kids always always manage to bring a smile.

Life is hard right now, but I’m learning.

1  Laugh more

2  Go outside and feel the sun on your face

3  Be kind to yourself

4  Don’t give up

5  Do not read the blog of a man you have recently split from.  It will make you cry.

About 5 weeks ago she had to undergo a hysterectomy.  There was no choice, it was basically haemorrhage horribly each month and be constantly anemic, or have her womb and the large fibroids that were causing the problems, removed.  And she had to take at least 6 weeks off to recover.

Her husband works and she’s self-employed so there’s nothing she can claim, except some money through National Insurance.  It’s only a few hundred but it will help to pay the rent on her Salon Chair so that she doesn’t lose her livelihood.  We all live to our means right?  You work hard so that you can pay your way, but you expect there to be some kind of support when something unforseen hits and your income changes, and that’s what she expected and was told she would receive.

Time has moved on, she’s recovering well and we have eaten cake and been ‘ladieswhatlunch’ and she’s taken things very steady as per doctors instructions, but, the money has not arrived.
Why?

Well, after 20 years working for a salon, my friend decided to become her own boss.  She saved and rented a chair in a brand new salon and things were good.

BUT

There were four months between leaving her ‘job’ and the new salon being finished and opened.  In that time she claimed nothing, after all it was a planned break, but she didn’t pay her stamp.  It was an oversight.  If she’d been contacted she’d have paid it, but she had paid in for 20 years before that so you’d think she’d be ok right?

Wrong

She missed 4 months, so she gets nothing, nada, zilch, so, my friend is now going back to work on Saturday. Even though she’s not fully healed yet, even though the docs have advised against it ,even though she knows she’s not ready.

And I am so angry.

Bloody hell government, what the buggery bollocks are you doing to people?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Now 2 years on and it’s enormous and that’s fantastic.  There are so many kind, funny, imaginative, interesting and talented people out there.  Some are members, some are not, but all the bloggers I’ve been lucky enough to spend time with so far are good people.  Normal everyday people who aren’t perfect, but who try to go about their business with thought and decency, and who judge people as they find them with no other agenda.  These are some of the people I will be spending 6 loooong days with in less than two weeks time.

In July 2010 myself, my self and a group of lovely bloggers will be walking 84 miles along Hadrian’s Walk to raise money for The Joseph Salmon Trust.

I’m hoping my bottom will get smaller, my feet will remain blister free, and most of all that I help the Salmons to help other parents in memory of their gorgeous little boy.   It’s a privilege to take part.   I just hope I manage to do my bit and I’m asking, no, begging for anyone who can, to help by giving either a little of their time to spread the word, or a little cash.

All you have to do is click on my Just Giving page over on the right, or on my Just Giving Page Link here

And in return, I will flash my melons.

Ready?

Are you sure?

Ok…

Whoops, silly me, wrong picture.  (And yes I did take a snap of an elephant’s bottom.)

Ok, melons coming up.

Enjoy.

(Sorry Mum, but it’s all for a good cause)

A ‘Hadrian’s Walk Please give generously and I will hug @dghughes on your behalf and make him go all blushy red’ post

An update on baby R.  (He’s had his op’, he’s doing ok, but he’s got a long way to go)

A ‘Blimey I’ve just been a to a fab wedding and a fab BBQ Birthday Party’ post

A ‘Look at how our plants are doing and none of the have died and some of them are even growing and OMG my kids just saw next door’s cat with a dead bird in its mouth’ post

And an “OMG I’m going to Florida tomorrow post and I haven’t even packed and I need to dye my hair, fake tan my legs and collect my train tickets’ post.

But before I can do all that I need to do a quick ‘goodbye’ post to a lovely lady whose funeral I attended today.  She was in her 100th year, never changed and was much loved.

For Mrs G

I will always remember your warm grin, that cheeky glint in your eye, and the fact that when I was little you always made time to say hello and listen and nod, even though you were my cousin’s Gran, not mine.
And I’ll always remember that you knitted fabulous cardigans, mad scarves, and smiles.

Rest in Peace Mrs G.

You will be missed.

Photo Credit

We’ve had blog meets with lovely lovely people, a Victorian experience with my family, a weekend with friends ending in a fab day at Drayton Manor Park, and all while keeping relatively sane and not wanting to kill each other.

I blumming love school holidays. Lazy mornings, busy days and nights where sleep arrives so fast because the day has been so full and so good. We are seriously knackered but it’s been worth it.

So while I’ve not been around, we have been fermenting a ton of sweet smelling blog fodder that I will sprinkle liberally over my lovely Ostrich over the next week or so. You can expect smiles, trees, bloggers, coconuts, news of an exciting trip, rude signs, queasy grandmothers, trains, gurning children, a fabulous ‘joy’ picture for Tara’s Gallery Week 7, and a small child inside the mouth of a large crocodile.  But for now I will leave you with a little something I could not resist snapping, even though I had to hide it from my Dad in case he blushed.  (Bad Jo)

Is it not a thing of beauty?  Sighhhhhhh.

(Ironbridge Blists Hill Victorian Town)

Coming home today to two happy little girls, it seems as if spring is here to meet us. Three tiny snowdrops have braved the still cold weather in our small garden.  Mr Z is trying out his new run and having his first taste of grass, and Misses E and M are reacquainting  themselves with the trampoline.  It’s so good to see colour in their cheeks and smiles on their faces.

It’s times like this that make you realise life is pretty good really.  I have two little girls who love and are loved, and we have a home where we feel safe and well.  It isn’t a bad place to be.

Photo Credit

I know part of this is my PMDD and depression, but I suppose it’s started to mean too much to my psyche and I can’t stand the thought of watching myself fall down and fail.  Call me a coward if you want, but it’s hard to imagine you might lose one of the only things anyone has ever made you feel you were good at.  It’s 5.00 in the morning again and my head won’t turn off and I can’t do this anymore.  I’m going to wait for the joy to come back a little.  Hopefully it won’t take too long.

UPDATE
Thanks so much everyone. I promise this is a health thing. I don’t feel bullied or driven out, just kind of exhausted and needing to look after myself a bit more physically so I can be the best for my kids and for myself. I know I’ll be back as I love blogging and all the friends I have made so much. It might just be a week, it might be more but I will be back.

Ju don’t worry lovely. I know it’s hard because we’re so far away but I am ok. You know what it’s like and you know me. Love you loads and please don’t worry.

And there is a site here I may be spending some time on.  Isn’t it weird that sometimes things seem to happen when you need them??

Breaking the Silence

“This is a blog from Lyn Jenkins and Linda Jones.  Lyn is a regional co-ordinator with Mind and Linda is a journalist.  Both are involved with a mental health project in the Midlands and this will be their blog to chart progress, discuss issues and highlight articles and resources they hope may be of interest. “