It’s weird but although I’m tired and hung over, I feel really good.  A few weeks ago I would never have been able to make it through the week that has just passed.  I usually have to rest in the day while Miss M is at nursery as I have little sleep at night, or it is very disturbed.  One night out would bring on a migraine unless I pretty much slept for the the next day.  And a week like this would mean no other achievements.  No gifts posted, including those to competition winners from last year (bad Jo).   Hootin’ Anni’s ‘Pay it Forward’ gifts are as on their way to Corey, Leendaluu and Momo at last.  Cards are almost all written and posted.  Shopping is complete, and we managed to do this…

Miss E’s room used to be white with pink hearts on the wall, a million posters, and a large mural at one end.  I decorated it when we moved her in there when she was 4 years old and I was pregnant with Miss M.

This time we have a dark pink wall, a medium pink wall, a light pink wall and a lilac wall, as per Miss E’s instructions.  And it actually works ok, even though Mr B and I were kind of worried it might look like the inside of a left ventricle.

I normally paint them pictures on their walls, like Miss M’s butterflies, but E wanted prints of mermaids so we found these gorgeous cards and framed them up.  They’re so pretty and it means if she gets bored or wants a change we can change the whole theme just by changing the pics. 

So although I’ve missed you all and have lots of reading to do this week, I feel pretty good, because maybe, just maybe my new meds are making a difference.  I have energy like I’ve not had in a long time.  There are ‘real’ reasons behind this tiredness, ie a busy week, late nights and over consumption of alcohol.  

I feel like someone plugged me in and recharged my batteries, filled my veins full of red bull and took my eyes out and gave them a cool, cleansing wash.  The world is looking a little fresher and a little newer and I’m hoping it stays that way.

And I promise no schmaltz tomorrow ok?  

But if there is, I’ll provide buckets.

I sit beside Miss E as she sips her milk and we gaze at the singer on the TV, then I turn my head back to the smaller screen.  The shiny new wonderful screen that sits atop my knees smiling back at me.

Miss E’s eyes follow my fingers as they type and she suggests titles for this post:

Miss E:  ’The most important thing in my life…”

I give her a crooked smile, my eyebrow raised.

Miss E: ‘ ..except me and M.”

I smile at her and raise both eyebrows, nodding in agreement. 

Miss E:  ”How about, ‘Don’t touch.’”

Me:  ”Yeah, yeah, little Miss Sarky.”

Miss E:  ”Whatever Mum.  Talk to the hand.”

And I sit back and smile to myself because this is it.  This is what I wanted.  Soft lighting, carpeted floor, and my family around me.  Instead of sitting in my cold kitchen, with gerbils, the tumble drier and the washing machine for company, not to mention the slugs.

I can sit anywhere in my house now.  

I can blog beside Mr B on the settee while we watch “QI” or “Criminal Minds”  or “Mock the Week.”

I can write stories cuddled up beside Misses E and M, while helping Miss E with her homework, or answering Miss M’s questions or just watching them play and interact.

At night when sleep evades me I can switch on my bedside lamp and write myself tired, or catch up my blog reading while Mr B snores beside me.

I finally have it people, I have my laptop, my Macbook.  This is my own consumer whore moment and I like it.

Now I just have to learn how to use it.

Having perused many of the fabulous ideas wikiHow has to offer I found something vital to life that I felt I needed to share with you.

Ready?

How to make Friends.

According to WikiHow, making friends is a good idea, and, “there are literally billions of potential friends in the world. ”

Are you not amazed? I mean, not only are there billions of people in the world, there are also billions of potential friends. Fantastic right? Cough, so, if you want a chance to befriend some of these billions of potentials then apparently you need to follow these steps.

1. Spend more time around people.
It is good to let them know you are doing this or they may think you are a stalker or that you plan to rob them.

2. Talk to people.
Use words, that’s always good too.

3. Initiate a get-together.
Please note, the following lines should be avoided.

• Do you want to come and see some puppies?

• It looks like you have a problem with warts, come on over and I’ll burn them off for you. It’s a bit of a hobby.

• Yes I would like to buy a conservatory.

4. Be a good friend.

Do not steal from, humiliate, maim or terrorize people. They will not like you.

5. Choose your friends wisely.

This list may help.

Possible good friends:

Nice people
Genuine people
People not convicted of boiling hamsters or murdering Great Aunts

Possible bad friends:
Hitler
Jeffrey Dahlmer
The Grinch

The following tip was also provided to make this whole process easier…

” You don’t have to be a superstar to be fun. You don’t even have to do cartwheels. (What? -Jo) You do need to be positive and friendly, however, so that people feel good when they’re around you. From the very first conversation you have with someone you should use body language to convey that you are affable, non-threatening, and approachable. Smile frequently, laugh often, and make eye contact. ”

Like this….

Fabulous right?

And they provide the following warnings:

• “Just be yourself you’ll make friends who like you for who you are.”
  (But if you plan on being someone else don’t pick anyone from the above ‘bad friends’ list.)

• Don’t try to buy friends by giving people gifts or money. While it’s nice to give a friend a gift sometimes, if you go overboard, it’s creepy.
  (So erm Holl, you might want to send back the 83 Starbucks Mugs and the 7 stuffed skunks I sent you. Just a thought.)

So there we have it, Jo Beaufoix once again changing peoples lives, sighhhh.

What would you do without me?

Oh, and erm, will you be my friend? Oh pleeeeeaaaaaase.

Why?

1. The bride, my mate Lu, was wearing a fabulous creation from an amazing and also very lovely Nottingham Designer who makes clothes for Dita Von Teese and the Scissor Sisters. So she looked like a princess but with a funky/sassy edge that is completely her.

2. The groom rocked out for a few songs with his band, then a mate’s band took over again to provide us with a night of wicked tunes from our ‘yoof’.

3. The father of the bride and all male members of the wedding party were presented with cool black converse boots and wore them with pride.

4. Nobody seemed to mind the fact that Miss M went on a crazy sugar high and rampaged about the room while everyone ate good food and drank copious amounts of alcohol. Or if they did they kept very quiet about it.

(Here you can see her terrorising a ladybird outside the church with Mr B.)

5. No one commented when I high kicked a balloon on the dance floor and my shoe flew off, not even any of these people who are generally full of sarcasm and witty repartee. I have decided this is because they love me, but it may well have been because none of them saw. Ingenious Rose had already left by this time as IJ was a little under the weather, so sadly she was not to witness my fabulous karate moves.

Don’t they all look civilized? I can promise that changed.

6. The cutest guitarist, Mr M, 12 year old son of one of the two wicked best men, added his guitar skills to the mix joining the band for a Stones classic…

..and also proved to be bubble master and owner of the most fantastic hair at the wedding.

7. It just was, ok?

8. Oh, and absent friends were acknowledged and remembered with love. That’s you Dezzi and Mr J. Hope New Zealand is being good to you. Miss you. x

If you’re reading this after 7pm GMT then my gorgeous little brother, Uncle Steve, will have arrived to whisk the little Beaufoixs off home, leaving Mr B and I free to dance, laugh, chat and drink a wee bit more than we would if we were in charge of two small children. (For ‘a wee bit’ read ‘a lot’.)

So I hope you’re all well and having a good Saturday, and I’ll be back tomorrow with possibly a very sore head.

Cheers, Ganbei, Prost, Santé, Le’chaim, Sláinte, Per cent’anni, Salute, Kanpai, Vashe zdorovie, Salud, Iechyd da, Mazel Tov.

Oh, and Miss M’s favourite of course, ‘bottoms up.’

I first met Lu when I was 17. Every Thursday a group of us from Sixth Form headed to Rock City for Student night and Lu would join us there as she was a friend of a friend (who we later lost touch with). In our Doc Martens and opaque tights and tiny skirts we would pogo away the night to the Wonderstuff, Chilli Peppers, Neds, Lemonheads, Pearl Jam and so many more. We just went for the music and the buzz of being with great mates and it was always brilliant.

My first memory is of a Lucy with short choppy hair, a fitted white dress and a big smile. She would talk to anyone and didn’t care what people thought. If cheesy blokes were annoying us she’d pull silly faces at them which usually made them laugh or just leave us alone. A few times we got into some iffy situations but usually her and Nats talked us out of it, like the time at the bus station when we were getting hassled by a bloke on crutches and Nats told him he didn’t have a leg to stand on, snigger.

(This was us lst Christmas. I’m happy to say I’m a few pounds lighter now and my face is less, er, shiny.)

We had so many brilliant nights out where we did daft stuff that we probably couldn’t get away with now… like climbing in and out of pub windows on a regular basis or pretending we were posh business types – was Nats a lawyer or a dentist? I can’t remember – in the pub opposite Harvey’s. Talking of Harvey’s, I also remember boogieing with some very drunken Mansfield townies and Lucy puking over the side of the weird wooden banister thing around the dance floor. I can still recall the feel of her hair in my hands, hee hee.

Then there was Stockwells, our favourite pub, where we spent hours putting our songs on the Duke Box, drinking pints, playing pool and talking and laughing till last orders. The Cookie Club, Pieces, nipping into The Stage Door, The Bell or Langtries before Rock City then giggling in the kebab shop afterwards?

And I seem to remember sitting outside Brunels on a hot summer night and discussing the qualities of a certain young long haired bloke who was a mate of her brother,Tim, and who Lu thought was a bit of alright. Thank God we all agreed, or we’d have been dissin’ her future husband and it would all be a bit awkward tomorrow.

Then there was that night at Rock City, with the kiss. I think we all cheered we were so excited.

Sighhhhhhh. The lovely Podder.

Hmmm, I must remember to tell Misses E and M before the wedding that Podder is ‘Jonathan’ or you might hear a small voice saying, “Who is dat Jonathan Mummy? Where is Podder?”

Lucy has been such a big part of my life, but here are some of the main things that make me so glad she’s one of my best mates.

Cough, cough, clearing throat…

I love the fact Lu is herself in every situation. She can say what she thinks and it’s ok because you know she’ll have really thought about it and it will come from the heart.

I love her wicked dress sense, her sense of humour and the fact she will be there for you whatever and seems to be able to put herself in your shoes and really understand what you’re feeling.

I love the way Lu makes people feel about themselves. When I’m with Lu I’m more confident and I’m probably a lot more honest than I am with most people and I feel good.

I love the way she isn’t afraid to be daft with my kids.

I love the way she pulls faces on photos.

And I love that she picked such a sweet and funny man and that he is my friend too and that hopefully we will all grow old and wrinkly together wherever we are in the world.

Here’s to a brilliant day tomorrow Miss Lucy, and here’s to great mates all over the world. You know who you are.

You want pictures?

Well I can’t give you the before as I forgot to take pics, but where Miss M’s bed is now there were built in wardrobes. Her walls were all white with jungle animals on a border. She had a painting of a cat and a dog, and also cartoon faces of myself, Mr B and Miss E looking down on where her cot stood.

(I’m going to frame a photo of it for her new room so we’re still there watching over her.)

It was basically a uni-sex baby room.

But now…

It is pink…

..and pretty.

And perfect for a sleepy Miss M.

We still haven’t bought her a full size bed (yep, I got outbid – grrr), but the new fairy and butterfly bed covers seemed to help with that.

It’s kind of hard to show you the full look as it’s a really small room, but she has room to play, room to stretch and room to grow. What more could a 3 year old want?

Now as for the 8 year old, well, guess who wants a room makeover now??

Bugger.

NB. The cute new wardrobe is here. Sorry for the fuzziness but Miss M was asleep so I didn’t want to take long.

Clearing out Miss M’s top cupboards of the built in wardrobe in her little room yesterday I noticed mould and lots of it. So I made a decision and luckily Mr B agreed. As I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t like to wait around when I’m feeling inspired, I headed off to B&Q and came back not only with four sacks of bark, mould cleaner, goggles, gloves, a curtain rail and some fabulous ‘Pink Splash’ paint, but I also found a bargain wardrobe and chest of drawers for just £50 which Mr B went back to buy as I couldn’t lift them.

Last night I did a tiny bit, emptying Miss M’s cupboards, ripping her baby border from her room and clearing stuff away, but today has been THE day.

I love physical work like this. When your mind is just on the job in hand, and the only other thoughts are visualizations of what you will create, and your tiny girls face as she explores her big girl room for the first time.

It’s also been really good having the quiet of an empty house. Sometimes when everyone is out I need noise, distraction, company, but today the silence – broken by the occasional mutterings of a woman on a mission working out that it would be better to start at the top box rather than take away all its support thereby allowing it to fall on her head – the silence has been calming and numbing and restful.

As I sit here having a break and a bowl of muesli, I have this real sense of achievement, and I know I will go to bed tonight really truly tired, and hopefully therefore will sleep. And if I dream, it will be of new fairy curtains, a soft pink rug and my little girl fast asleep in her full size bed which will fit in the space I have created;

..and not of having extremely hairy knees that make me look like I’m wearing ugg boots, which was last night’s nocturnal offering from the sandman.

NB. My actual knees are hair free and not yeti like in any way.

No cars, no buses, no general buzz of a town waking up.

No alarm clocks, no small children jumping on my head, no Mr B singing in the shower, nothing.

And I lay for a moment staring up at the sunshine that poured through the windows touching everything with clean white light.

One by one the hens slowly stirred and though some heads were a little sore, some eyes a little red and some mouths seemed to have become the temporary home to several badgers overnight, smiles were abundant.

I showered, dressed, did my hair, took in the view and read a magazine. By the time we were all up I was completely relaxed and getting used to my child free state, though I had chatted with Misses E and M briefly on the phone as I stared out at the view below and took in the fresh, if a little damp, air.

Me: “Hi M, Are you ok?”

Miss M: “Yes.”

Me: “I love you so much.”

Miss M: “My know. Bye.”

It was so good to know they were completely fine without me…

As we shared brunch and plied our hen with daft gifts, the laughter and tears continued.

Especially as Miss Lucy insisted on modelling everything over her clothes and did it all while wearing a curly blonde Vera Duckworth wig and a veil.

I have a feeling we may have all been frozen for a while as suddenly it was time to get ready to hit Bath.
An hour later we were strolling through the land of Jane Austen. Seriously, I imagined myself in one of those posh dresses with a bulging bosom and weird little curls sculpted around my face, but I actually looked mostly normal.

We ate at the Chequers Bar, a gorgeous gastro pub where Lucy was wooed by ‘the silver fox’ a cross between Lovejoy and David Dickinson but more handsome, and we witnessed a posh bloke with curly hair pulverize a chair with the power of his bottom.

We ate yummy stuff,

..and drank cold wet alcoholic beverages, and made about a million toasts to all and sundry, and all again. If you ever go to Bath this is a great bar and well worth the visit. I have a feeling Holl and I may go there someday and partake of a few ales, it would be rude not to.

Our final destination was a club where the fabulous Hilary blagged us though to the front of the queue and we boogied, pulled strange scary men and for some reason took photos of our chests. Niiiice.

Then it was back to the barn with the scary taxi driver who seemed to be attempting to kill us (or himself), or was trying to impress us with his manly, erratic ‘holdontoyourpants’ driving. I think he was hoping for an invite inside for a flagon of brown booze and maybe a packet of Monster Munch but this weekend was strictly girls only so we sent him packing with erm, his fee.

Then we sat and drank and chatted until the wee small hours. It could not have been more perfect.

Or could it?

Well, actually, yes, it blumming well could, you see, at about 7.00am as we supped vodka and lemonade in the first pub of the evening my sweet little nokia sang a special song and I headed outside to answer it.

Sister Claire *: “Jo, Daren just proposed.”

Me: “Oh my Bob.”

Claire: “I know.”

Me: “Oh my Bob. Oh my Bob. That’s wonderful, I’m so happy, you’ve made me cry.”

Claire: “I know.”

Me: “Squeal, giggle, sob, squeal, I love you, giggle, sob.”

Claire: “I know.”

*Sister Claire – refers to my sister ‘Claire’, not a nun. Nun’s don’t get engaged, they’re not allowed.

So, on top of the perfect night, I got the perfect news, and the next day I headed off home to my perfect children after a perfect weekend.

And their reaction to the news??

Miss E: “UNCLE Daren, at last.”

Miss M: “So Claire is marrying Sharon,and Sharon is marrying Claire Mummy?”

Me: “Blimey I’ve missed you two, snigger.”

And that is all…or is it?

For someone who was a little nervous about spending a weekend with a bunch of people of whom she only really knew about two of very well, I think it went ok.

Seriously, I have just spent 3 days and two nights with a bunch of the loveliest girls. Though we were all quite different in age, experience and interests we all found common ground in Lucy.

Lucy is one of those people who just makes you feel good about yourself. She’s honest, loyal, intelligent, hilarious, passionate and wise and I love her dearly, as did every person there. I think that’s what made it so good. It truly was all about her.

When we arrived at our secret location, a stunning 16th Century barn conversion, the tears started the moment we walked in the door. We were met by Kat and Dan who planned the weekend for us and will be the most fabulous bridesmaids ever, and before long Lucy was introduced to her outfit for the night.

Her fears of utter humiliation at the hands of her mates and the residents of Bath soon abated when she realized that her hens were looking equally, erm, ropey, and that we were staying in for the evening. For a moment she was a little concerned about the two strange ladies in the kitchen but as the smell of good food wafted up her nostrils she realized they were caterers not serial killers and all was well.

Then the partying began.

There was dancing…

And singing…

And lots of smiling.

New friendships were made…

Whoops, I mean…

..old ones reaffirmed.

And absent friends acknowledged and erm, carried around with their heads on sticks (love you Dez though NZ isn’t that far away, tsk).

And our first night was a roaring success.

Waking up the next morning to this view was the best start to day two, but I’ll tell you all about that tomorrow when ‘ The Hen’s hit Bath.’

P.S. The winner of the ‘Bad Taste Bridesmaids’ and the owner of the tres sassy red boots, the fabulous and lovely Nats, receiving her award.