No really.

I never thought it would happen, but I now have staff, a personal trainer to be exact!  He’s tall, pale, sort of interesting looking in a weirdly two dimensional way and he’s on call anytime I want him.  He’s polite, encouraging, fit (obviously), and he doesn’t poke me in my flabby bits and mock me when I get all out of breath and sweaty , or call me a ‘lardy arsed old harridan’ or other such untruths, which would probably put me off.  Sounds perfect right?

But, well, I do have one problem with him.

He’s too nice.

Don’t get me wrong, I prefer being guided by him than by a perfectly toned bint in a leotard and designer trainers who probably wouldn’t even perspire if she was working out in a fur coat, in a furnace, but I can’t help thinking that I might be more inspired by one of those Ex Sergeant Major types, or a bloke with a cattle prong, or perhaps Hugh Jackman.

“But how could you convince Hugh Jackman to take time out of his busy schedule to pop over to chez Beaufoix and put you through your paces dear Jo?”  I hear you ask.

Well, I could if my Wii Fit Plus had an option where I could choose someone a bit more interesting than the Green Cross Code man, to be my personal fitness Guru.

I mean how cool would that be?

Wii Balance Board:  ”Would you like to be trained by Madam Skinny Arse McPerfect Busms, or one of these lovely specimens Ms Beaufoix?”

Option A

Option B

Option C

I mean, it wouldn’t be that difficult for the lovely folks at Nintendo to sort right??

And they could do something equally fitting for their male customers.  (I’d suggest Anne Widdicombe, Ann Diamond or Anne of Green Gables.)

Cough.

So yes, you’ve guessed it,  this is either a review cunningly disguised as a homage to some lovely men, or a homage to some lovely men cunningly disguised as a review.

I’ll leave the decision to you.

If you  decide it’s a review then it would be useful for me to point out that:

• I actually big pink puffy heart my Wii Fit Plus almost as much as my children.  Almost.
• That it was really easy to set up and is equally easy to use, even for a techno simpleton such as I
• That the exercises are brilliant and if I don’t hula hoop my waist down to ’silflike’ (whatever a silf is) by the New Year I will be gobsmacked
• That Misses E and M are so much more co-ordinated than me and that the Mii they have created for me looks a little like Carol Thatcher
• That I would prefer it to set the higher level of my healthy BMI for a goal as I am too skinny at the lower level and I felt a bit dictated to
• That at first there is more watching than exercising but that that is changing fast as I’m getting better at it

And if you decide this isn’t a review then just enjoy the boys.

P.S.  I’m allowed to call them boys as if they’re just there for decoration I’m already being a little un-pc. Might as well go the whole hog.

P.P.S.   And yes I did get a Wii and Wii Fit Plus in exchange for this post, but I promise I tried to make it more attractive than the usual reviews.  I think I did ok.  Don’t hate me.

P.P. S. S.  What does P.P.S.S stand for anyway?