Unlike her wide-mouthed-frog of a mother and cheesy grinning little sis, she has the small sweet mouth of a lady.

In a competition where you have to shove a handful of marshmallows, a glut of pickled onions or several large socks into your gob, she would lose.

If she had to put out a small handbag fire by squirting water from her smiler, alas it would burn.

If you were firing maltesers at her chops your aim would need to be fabulous.

Tomorrow Miss E will be having two teeth out and a transpalatal arch fitted.

She is scared.

Over the last 2 weeks she’s had spacers squeezed between her teeth to make room for metal bands to be fixed round two of her molars, and then the TPA will be added for future braces.  As she lies in the dentist’s chair her feet shake, her face pales and I mouth ‘you’re ok’ at her and try to smile.  But really I am filled with dread and just praying for it to be over quick as she gags and shakes.

Help!

Any ideas how I can get her to feel calmer while she is being pulled about?  I think it’s a lack of control thing.  This look of horror passes over her face and she goes completely white and I know this week will be worse than the last two as there will be a needle and blood and cement.

Any advice would be great.

Photo credit and edited at Picnik (what will I do witout you picnik?  Boo hoo)

Not because my two little girls were away with their Daddy.  That’s fine; good even, because it makes me realise how much he must miss them a lot of the time – and I don’t often think about that.  It’s a year and a half since Mr B and I separated and I think we’re doing ok and I’m so glad that our little girls are happy with both of us.  I miss them, I worry, but I trust Mr B because I know he loves them as much as I do.  So no trauma there then.

And not because while camping in the lovely village of Much Wenlock, a friend and I were in an accident that resulted in my mopping up a bloodied old lady and then being whisked to hospital on a spinal board, my first ever experience in an ambulance?. (Thanks lovely paramedics, you were all so nice and you made me laugh, even though it hurt a bit.)   All is well.  Myself and my friend both have whiplash and both cars – ours and the one that lodged itself under our bumper, will likely be written off, but we coped, we weren’t badly hurt and believe it or not we still all had a good holiday even though a blow up bed is not ideal in these situations.

And not even because on the third day of our holiday I checked my bank account and found it had been emptied by evil, lazy ,scheming fraudsters.  (Selfish gits.)  I was upset, worried, angry, but thanks to the lovely folks at my bank and the lovely people I was with, even this only slighty touched on trauma.

So what was it that tipped me over the edge I hear you ask?

Was I narrowly missed by a low flying martian who’d taken a wrong turn at Saturn when attempting to get to Cleethorpes?

Did a rabid goldfish look at me funny and cause me to trip over my own shadow?

Did my leg fall off?

No.

It was this…

This time next year my little girl will be going to secondary school.  Oh my Bob, where the hell did the time go?  She’s only 10.  She still fits on my knee.  She climbs inside cardboard boxes, loves playing on the monkey bars and still takes her teddy whenever she stays away from home.  How can she be a year away from secondary school?

I know this will be a year of preparation for her.  There’ll be visits, talks, open days and lots of fun activities to get her ready for this new phase in her life, but, well, who’s going to prepare me?  Because I really don’t feel ready.

Hmmmmmm.  I think one of us may have a little growing up to do, and it may not be the 10 year old.  Gulp.

You might have heard something about a little walk we’re doing in July.  When I say we, I mean a huge group of friends, friends of friends and quite a few bloggers (collective noun for bloggers anyone??…babble, boggle, bumble) who will be walking from one side of the UK to the other, completing the 84 miles of Hadrian’s Walk in just six days.  Gobsmacking isn’t it?

And why are we doing this?  To raise money for a charity that many of us who’ve been reading Dan’s blog All That Come’s With It for the past few years have become huge supporters of. The Joseph Salmon Trust helps parents who have lost a child by providing financial assistance to those who need it most.  Joseph Salmon died aged 3 in April of 2005, and his parents (close friends of Dan and his family), started the trust in his memory.

As part of our fund raising effort for this fabulous cause we decided to run a lovely raffle.  There are more details over at Dan’s, but let’s face it, all you really want to know is what you can win and how, so here’s the list of prizes in full:

• 1st prize – Three night Family Keycamp Break in Europe
• 2nd prize – Panasonic Lumix DMC-FS62 Digital Camera
• 3rd prize – HP Photosmart Premium fax all-in-one printer
• 4th prize – Fortnum and Mason Hamper
• Six runner-up prizes – SimpleHuman electronic sensor soap dispenser

Tickets are £1 each and you can buy them here:

http://www.justgiving.com/hadriansraffle

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!! By writing about the raffle, the walk, and the Joseph Salmon Trust (along with appropriate links) you can spread the word and hopefully prompt others to donate to the trust.  A couple of tweets would be fab too.

And as a thank you for doing this we’ll give you two extra free tickets, because we’re nice like that, and kind to animals and everything. So what are you waiting for?

If you buy a ticket  then you donate and possibly take home a fab prize at the same time. If you can’t buy a ticket, or you’ve already donated (thank you so much), then if you blog about the walk and help spread the word you get a couple of free tickets anyway.!!

It’s a win win situation (except we can’t guarantee you’ll actually win a prize, obviously).

When you’ve written your post please add your link to the Mr Linky below so we can keep track, then email: raffle@hadrianswalk.org to let us know about your post so we can contact you and send you your free tickets.

Please don’t let our blisters, aching backs, nettled nether regions and weary bones be in vain.

Thanks again and great big smoochy kisses…or a manly handshake if that’s what you’d prefer.

Powered by Linky Tools Click here to enter your link and view the entire list of entered links…

Raffle Term and Conditions

Tickets are £1 each.
One ticket equals one entry into the draw.
In order to buy a ticket, make a donation at http://justgiving.com/hadriansraffle. Use a valid email address and within 7 days a representative of the raffle will contact you and ask your name and address. The tickets will then be posted out to you.
If you blog about the raffle, adding a link to your post on this post, you will be given 2 free raffle tickets as a thank you. Please email raffle@hadrianswalk.org to let us know about your post. Maximum 2 free tickets per individual.
Online entries to the raffle will close on the 17th of July.
The raffle will be drawn on the 24th July
The raffle is open to UK residents only.
Promoter – Neil Salmon, The Joseph Salmon Trust, PO Box 1538, Huddersfield.
Registered with Kirklees M.C. in accordance with the Gambling Act 2005
Registered as a Charity in England & Wales 1123322

Full terms and conditions available here: The Joseph Salmon Trust

Almost completely broken.

How do I know?

Well, I have evidence.  Firstly I have dropsy.  You know, the kind where you drop things constantly?  It is a real illness.  Is is is.  So far today there has been milk, yogurt, car keys, mobile, bag, and contents of bag all over the floor, as well as a run away shopping trolley that decided to make a dash for the zebra crossing while I was busy rescuing the contents of my bag.

Secondly I have nasal seepage.  I have had to sleep with my head on a thick wad of kitchen roll as one nostril seems to be almost constantly flowing as soon as I lie down.  Part of me is wondering whether some other worldly being has encompassed my noggin within their drainage system as the stuff coming out is just watery and odd.  Perhaps when my head hits the pillow they begin their wash cycle.

Another part of me just thinks that’s silly.

Thirdly my head is all hurty and I seem to have gone slightly deaf.  It’s a bit of a problem as Miss E had to shout me really very loudly last night when she was too scared to get out of bed to tell me that she was too scared to get out of bed.  (Having watched spooky angels in Doctor Who at Daddy’s over the weekend.)

Fourthly I have a very tickley throat that is so tickley Roger Hargreaves is planning on writing a book about it called Little Miss Tickley Throat.  (Actually his son might write it, unless they have pens in heaven.  Or that new company that bought the rights to Mr Men might  write it.  I haven’t worked out the finer details yet.)

Fifthly (fifth??))  I now have the trots.

I’m wondering if I swatted somebody special’s favourite mosquito this weekend or something, because the result is a kind of gross karma that only somebody who has a pet mosquito (yuck) would bestow on somebody else.

So I have not blogged, as I am broken.

I would post a pic, but it might prevent others from attending Hadrian’s Walk - where I’ll be walking 84 miles across the UK to raise funds in memory of Little Joseph Salmon, and for other parents and families who lose a child (see Just Giving Page above ,and more news coming soon) - for fear of…, well just for FEAR really.

So this is not a  post, but an explanation of why there isn’t a post.

There isn’t a post because I am broken.

Blumming Fitball.

Yeah, I know, nice imagery.  I’m alright really, I just have tummy ache and probably just need to, erm, fart a little bit.  Nice.

I am also a bit miffed that I am getting spammed to little bits and pieces by yingge who wants me to review his/her power leveling and let him/her power balance my levels.  My power levels are fine thanks yingge, so bugger off ok?

Moan moan, whinge whinge.

Oh, and erm, Happy New Year everybody, hee hee, and I gave you writing.  I’m not saying it was good writing, but look, there are words.  I win…or something.

Sniffing at the edge of night black windows, slipping between curtains hung in vain defense against the midnight things that slink, and slide and skulk.

‘Neath heavy quilts they creep and crawl, slave to the earthy echo, the warm blood bubble, the leaden scent that breathes through sleep sweet flesh, pale and warm and full.

They circle, footsteps silent, touch unfelt, then sit, and bite, and drink.

Red lipped they leave, swollen, sated, indifferent.  

Their victim sleeps on, unaware that they have been used, become host to a party of others.  Unaware that is, till skin brushes sheet as they sit, and then rise from their bed.  A stab of irritation, a tell tale tingle, a red raw biting burning aching screaming itch.

And there must have been at least 5 of the buggers, or one very greedy little git as my right leg is a covered in bites from top to bottom, literally.

Tsk.

Mosquitos.  

Why? 

Oh, and I promise there will be some actual writing and reading done at some point this week. Life’s a little crazy at the moment. Good, but crazy. Hope you’re all OK and I will catch up soon.

Mwah.

Oh and I got a prezzie, nana nana nana. My lovely friend Kim sent me goodies. Thanks so much sweetie, I will blog them soon if I can prize the lip balm away from Miss M. She likes.

I feel like I have been up for a year. We have the aches, the shivers, stomach pain, nausea, dizziness, sore heads, grumpiness, and, well, let’s just say the ozone layer above our house? BIG hole, HUGE.

And on top of all that, the post I have just written has been swallowed up by wordpress. Admittedly it was just as whingy and whiny as this one, but it was almost done and I’d found a lovely pink spotty woollen hot water bottle to use as an illustration. Sighhhh.

I now have this sneaky feeling that wordpress has gone all parental on me and is doing that the thing where they go, “If you don’t stop moaning I’ll give you something to moan about.” But that never really helped did it?

Harrumph.

I’m off to sulk and nurse my sore tummy. Right now it feels as if my guts are trying to gnaw their way out through my stomach wall…..unless I have inadvertently swallowed a lion, in which case I may need to summon a superhero, or thwart it with the power of dance.

Tsk.