How rude!

But I learnt something.

When your friend is awaiting the arrival of his new baby boy, and has been through a variety of virtual reincarnations and hence changes of email address over the past year, do not, I repeat DO NOT rely on the poor man to remember to register your domain name again.
But oh my Bob it has been so traumatic.  You see, I thought we were too late and that someone else had bought www.jobeaufoix.com and that this was it, the end of my 4 years of fun, growth, adventure and hard work. The end of something that I hope one day, when I’m well enough, might just lead to other things with the writing and all that (a girl’s gotta dream.)

I was bereft.  I literally sobbed my heart out.  Ok hormones may have had a little to do with it, but as my Mum and Dad said, ‘that morning I had waved one child off on her school weekend away, and suddenly it felt like I was losing another!’  Dramatic I know, but nevertheless completely true.

It has made me realise how much I need this place.  My blog, my friends, my outlet, my escape.  I think that’s why I opted out of the Tots 100, why I duck when there are Award Ceremonies, why I wrote THAT post last year, and why I find myself floating more and more on the edges of the Mummy Blogging world, fabulous though I know it is.

My blog holds so much of my life.  There’s Miss M learning to talk, Miss E learning to read, tales of poo, glue, a shoe, a gnu (ok I lied about the gnu).  There are daft poems, silly stories, a slow realisation of how pmdd affects me, mine and my husbands separation, a single parent’s evolution from nightlife to flat packed furniture, and it’s all there to look back on, laugh at, learn from and enjoy, and I need it.

It’s the only thing that I feel like I can kind of do well.  It’s a way for me to escape the world, explore feelings and ideas and it’s hard to be judged on that because it’s a judgement on who I am and where I am.  It’s a big emotional chunk of me, and if you kick it or drop it, I get bruises.  Sad I know.

Yes we get cool stuff, great opportunities and holidays and all that, but in the end it’s the other stuff that I cannot lose.

Something really cool did come out of the possible demise of www.jobeaufoix.com.  My parents and friends and sister fought for me; for it.  They were hurt and angry too.  They listened, they phoned friends to get advise on whether or not I could get it back from the supposed evil git who had nicked my domain name.  They ‘got’ how important this place is to me.  They made me realise it’s important to them too.

My sister’s friend Mel began the calming process by saying it looked like a holding page rather than a new site.  My friend Nic made me cups of tea as I sobbed, and helped me devise a plan.  Mr B passed on numbers for Big Dave who passed me the numbers for Ashley that I could not find in my tear drenched state, and Ashley stopped the panic and explained that even if he’d missed the renewal date there was a 60 day holding period.  It would all be ok.

Phew!

Today my blog popped up again all gorgeous and feathery and delicious.  Flowers arrived from interflora and are sitting happily on top of my old gramophone case, their delicate scent filling our sunlit lounge and even managing to disguise the pong of sawdust from the gerbil tank, and all my babies are safe and well.  And while two of them matter more than anything in the world, I’ve realised the other one is pretty important too.  Tonight I might just sing it a lullaby and rock it to sleep.

Happy Birthday lovely blog.  Here’s to the next four years of madness.
And thank you Interflora for the chance to review the flowers.  They’re stunning, and they came  at the perfect time.  It is so lovely it is to stand on your doorstep receiving flowers, especially when the neighbours are just coming home.  It’s nice to look popular, hee hee.

Additional Interflora Information:

If you’re thinking of sending flower gifts, whether you’re looking for flower delivery London or elsewhere in the UK, from roses to the simple scent of summer arrangement I received, there really is something for everyone.
Mine came with that gorgeous vase and I have to admit it made me feel pretty fabulous to have something so beautiful arrive on my door step, especially after such a rough weekend.

Back in the early days I read her every day, but since my break up with Mr B and the growth of parent blogging over here that has swept me along barely taking pause for breath, well, I have neglected my friend.  She is one of many, Corey, Kim, Mie, Daryl, Sybil, Leendaluu, RC, Jen, Mya, DumDad, Momo,  you all spring to mind as do a few others, and while I have a ton of lovely new friends, well, your first bloggy buddies are always kind of special aren’t they?

So I’ve started to catch up with them a little and kind of re-inspire myself, because that’s what these people were for me.  At a time when I was lonely in my own marriage, dealing with health issues I didn’t understand, and struggling to see a happy place for myself in this world, (thank Bob for my kids),  these people were my little pieces of hope.  They let me just be me, encouraged me to try new things and made me think and smile and act.
And they made me write.

And I’ve realised something.  I miss just writing.  Writing for myself, for my mood, for fun, for the hell of it. Picking a topic and seeing where it takes me.  Experimenting, being silly, playing.  So I’m starting a little challenge I saw over at Cami’s.

30 days of Truth.

I’m not necessarily going to do it over the next 30 days, or over the next 30 blog posts, but I’m going to tackle each of the topics in the list and see what I come up with, just to stretch my writing muscles and myself.

The writing prompts are below if anyone wants to join in.  Leave me a comment if you do so I can come and read yours.  But otherwise, this is me finding myself a little bit.  There’ll still be other stuff here too, but I need to get back to writing.  I hope you’ll forgive me the indulgence.
Writing prompts for 30 Days of Truth:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

(PS  If you know where this challenge started I’d love to link back.  I’ve tried to find out but so far no luck.)

I’m writing a reading type thing for my cousin’s wedding. She wants something silly and fun and sweet. The only thing is, the wedding is on Monday.

Arghhhhhhhhhh.

SO I’m not here.

And neither is this glass of wine or that Guu chocolate mousse thing.

Oh, and I added my twitter account so if you get chance come and say hello there. I’d love to know how to add one of those ‘tweet me’ things near my comment box as well if anyone has any ideas. I am a coding virgin but Ashley who designs my blog is a very busy man so I don’t think he’ll mind as long as I don’t break anything.

Ashley, I’ll try not to break my site ok?

And I might add a pic of my makeover if I get chance, but not today. Today I am make up free.

And I’m not here.

P.S. As I’m not here, maybe you could all go and click on Max again. He’d look so cute on a Kinder Bueno don’t you think?

Seriously, I think someone squidged my brain out of my ear, rinsed it out, put it through one of those old fashioned clothes wringers and then hung out to drip dry in the cool night air.

If you listen very carefully you might hear it flapping.

Flap flap flap

See.

Help.

Not loud, not demanding, but quietly enthusiastic.  

You don’t have to listen.  You can choose to roll over in your sleeping bag, close your eyes and dream your own dreams, but if you do that a chorus of shushing and tutting will accompany the rustle as you try to change position in your narrow bunk.  It rarely happens though.  The voice is enthralling.  It has the power to bring hilarity, fear, disgust, joy, all in the space of a single chapter, or if you’re lucky, two or three if you’ve got to good bit and your narrator is equally gripped.

And every night there is disappointment.  A tumult of ‘Oh Mu-um’,  ’Just one more chapter Dad’ and ‘You can’t stop there!’

This was night time, in a caravan in South Wales, or Cornwall, or The Lake District.  It was four children zipped into sleeping bags that were freezing when you got in and boiling when you got out and so, so exciting.  And it was Roald Dahl.

Roald Dahl is my idol.  As both a reader and an aspiring kids writer.   I grew up on his books.  Not literally, I mean, we had a house and real food and stuff, but otherwise I grew up on him, and loved him and could never grow tired of his playfulness and ingenuity and sense of drama and humour.

As you’ve probably guessed I couldn’t blog last night as the wi-fi was not happening, but if I had, it would still have been this post, because yesterday we visited here…

See, there’s Mr B and the monkeys marching towards the door.

And there’s the BFG, and we walked through Willy Wonka Gates and Miss M mistook a giant peach for a bottom sighhhh.   This museum is in Roald Dhal’s home town of Great Missinden and I’m not sure who enjoyed it more, me or Misses E and M….

And I sat in his chair.

 Sighhhhhh.  That’s joy on that face.  Pure and unadulterated kid sized joy.

Now I;m just hoping some of hid magic will rub off on me.

I have so much more to twll you about the visit but it is late and tomorrow is the wedding.  Both Miss E and Mr B are snoring while Miss M makes occasional snuffles.  My family are here.  We’re in  beautiful hotel that I cannot begin to describe so photos will follow, and I plan to go to sleep with the same cheesy grin you can see in that photo.

Night night,

It is a night ripe for mischief, ripe for ghosts and ghouls, and for the little people, those eerie creatures that enter our hearts, our minds and our souls, and never relinquish their grip.

Here are mine…

And if that wasn’t scary enough, I’ve signed up for NaNoWriMo again this year.

Mwah ha ha ha haaaaaa.

Happy Halloween 

It rested uneasily amongst fallen leaves of crisp autumn gold, and I wondered why it was there, this little piece of toil and sweat and probably love.

Part of me wanted to stop and retrieve it, to cradle its limp frailty and read those words one last time. Part of me.

If it’s there tomorrow maybe I will. Maybe I will pick it up, lay it flat, dry it out and uncover its story, not just the tale its words helped to form, or the book from which it was rudely torn, but why it was there, why that page and no other?

Or maybe I won’t, I mean, a dog might have peed on it.

The creative and fabulous Gattina is our Fun Monday host today and her request is that we show her our blogging space.

I’d love to say that I spend my writing and reading time here…

Or that my view as I blog away to my little heart’s content is this,

..or maybe this.

But let’s face it, that would be a big lie.

No, when I blog, I’m in my kitchen at the family PC surrounded by a ton of, well, stuff.

Proof that I took this this very morning is the fact you can see my muesli bowl, the toys that have been played with so much this holiday (I have given up keeping them tidy), and the empty tank, home of our deceased gerbil, Laura/Flora who passed away on Friday.

I know it looks mad but it works well for me and means I am close to my family and always surrounded by noise and colour.

Oh, and the view from my blogging place is usually kind of special too.

Have a fab day folks and check out all the other Fun Monday blogging spaces over at Writer Cramps. You know you want to, I mean who doesn’t like peeping into other people’s homes?

Rosie: “Mansfield doesn’t have a book shop Jo, it has Whsmiths, which is not a bookshop.”

Me: “It has blumming books doesn’t it? So it’s a bookshop.”

Rosie just shakes her head in mock disgust and grins. You see, though she was born in sunny Mansfield, she lived for 15 years in Guildford, which is…, well, it has proper bookshops. Cough.

One of the hardest parts of coming home (there were good parts too), but one of the hardest parts for her, was leaving behind her beloved Borders. She claimed it was a magical place full of paperback pleasure, hardback happiness and other cool stuff that every girl should have. And I thought, “Yeah yeah, whatever, as long as I can get my books I don’t care where they’re from, I mean most of my books come from Schmesco, and a good few more come from charity shops. What do my surroundings matter as long as I can buy myself literary treats whenever I want them?”

But…

I was wrong.

You see, a couple of weeks ago when I went to visit another friend, she took me to Borders in Cardiff.

It blew my mind.

While Holl looked through kids books (as in, watched my kids), Mr B and I wandered. We browsed, we perused, we examined, we explored, we dug and we delved, we danced, we ran, we skipped, we cheered, we laughed, we flounced and we frolicked through the books.

It was heaven.

And I felt like ringing Rosie and saying, “I was wrong. I didn’t know. Can you forgive me?” But then I calmed down and returned to Holl with my pile of ’stuff’ and began to also look through the kids books because, you know, I have kids who like books.

And to my delight and pleasure I found these…
(Click on pictures if you want to buy them from Borders right now.)

Oh my Bob, it’s like an REM song, but for potty training…

When your nappy’s gone, and your mum,
Sits you oooon a plastic chair.
There’s a hole in it, and she says,
Poop in there.

Just let you’re self goooooooo.
And she’ll buy you a surprise
Cos everybody poooooooooooos.
Sometimes.

You sang it didn’t you?
Oh please say you did.

It wasn’t any of my business either, I would never do that to a mole.

They really should stop giving him so much tripe, but I know my kids would love this. Ok, I would love it too.

I want this book. I want it with all my heart, even the bit that is generally reserved for chocolate. Sighhhhh.

Now, I know some of you might be tutting at this a little. I mean, of all the books I could have chosen I went for the ‘bottom’ orientated ones, but hey, I have a 3 year old who likes trump sandwiches, this is my life people.

But I think what my choices show even more is that I was in a bookshop where I felt comfortable enough to get down on the floor and flick through fabulous books on ANY subject. This shop encourages kids to be ok with poo, pants, the everyday stuff that my generation were kind of taught to leave behind closed doors. Nowhere in sight was the stuffy, don’t touch kind of atmosphere I have found in other ‘bookstores’, but instead the place was bright and inviting. It wanted you to touch the books, taste the books, smell the books. It was just a big hulk of book loving and I could quite easily live there.

So I’d like to say thanks.

Thanks Rosie, thanks Holly, thanks Borders Cardiff. Thanks especially to the lovely staff at Borders Cardiff who didn’t seem to mind Miss M and the Thrower charging round the kids area. Who were ok with us taking magazines we hadn’t yet paid for into the upstairs Starbucks to keep the kids entertained while we had coffee and cake, and who were so patient when I put the wrong number in on my card then got all scared that I couldn’t pay, then tried Mr B’s and realized it was just me.

Borders, you are fabulous. Now please, please build that Nottingham branch soon.

NEWS FLASH

I got a post accepted on Blogger’s Annex and it’s up today. Yay.
Blogger’s Annex is a new site that anyone can join and submit their best posts too. The idea is that it will be a place full of fantastic stuff on any subject from all over the blogosphere. It’s a real chance to showcase your writing, find new bloggers and well, just enjoy a good read. The posts so far have been sad, funny, informative, the works so I’m so chuffed they picked me. Pop over and leave me a comment if you get the chance, and if you see a post you love, tell the author to submit it or ask if you can. It’s kind of cool.

She wants to know what career we imagined we’d have as a child when we grew up, and if we could have any career today, what would it be?

My answers are going to be short and sweet because I want to ask all you lovely Fun Monday peops a favour. First of all, I’d really like you to read yesterday’s post and comment if you can. I have a friend in need and it would mean everything if just one person was able to respond to this need for information.

Secondly I’d like you to pop over here if you have time and read about the Dales Walk which is happening this week in aid of the Joseph Salmon Trust. Some of you may have read my January post about Joseph and his family, and may of you will know about Dan’s plan to walk 78 miles in order to raise funds for The Joseph Salmon Trust that will help grieving parents with the added burden of funeral costs.

We never imagine we will bury our children. We hope and pray it doesn’t happen, but sometimes it does. Joseph was Miss M’s age when he died. It was a complete shock, a terrible and unbelievable event but his parents, and those who love him and them, are building something wonderful in his name. And you can help.

Ok, my Fun Monday is here. Thanks for bearing with me and please visit Irish Coffeehouse to check out who else is playing.

As a child I’d love to say I dreamed of being an astronaut or an acrobat or a prima ballerina or something, but I really just wanted to be happy. I was bullied as a kid and while I dreamed of escape my quashed ego never let me imagine success, I just kind of hoped that I would be happier. One thing that did allow me escape for a while though was reading and writing. Teacher’s said I was good at the second but I never really believed compliments, they just made me feel awkward.

As an adult my dream is very clear though and you’ve all heard it so much I bet you’re just reading blah blah blah, squirrel, blah blah, catnip, blah, rice pudding. My dream career is to make a living from my writing. My dream is to be read. My dream is to be a respected author. I’m working on it.